Bisexual Women looking for Bisexual Men?

[gentlepen9]

Why don't you ever see ads for bisexual women looking for bisexual men? You see ads from men of all kinds looking for anyone else, all the time. Women place ads rarely, and usually it's to find other women. To be clear when using the term bisexual we should specify whether we speak of bisexual men, the pariahs, or bisexual women, the sex goddesses.

I lifted this question from another thread and thought that it would be a good topic to addressed separately.

Why don't bisexual women put out or include bisexual men in their ads? Do we too see them as a social pariah as the
straight and gay communities do?

Now, I'm not just saying this, I honestly mean it, but if I were single and dating I would prefer to date a bisexual
man than a straight one. And I would prefer to date a bisexual woman than a lesbian. Not to say that anything is
wrong with straight men or lesbians but rather because I'm bisexual, I would rather just keep it in the family. But in
regards to bisexual men not being included in the ads of bisexual women I think it might be partly due to many women
having already experienced what it's like to be with a man and wanting to experience what it's like
to be with a woman.
Personally I wish my husband was bisexual but not just because I want someone who can relate to what's it's like to be
bisexual. But also because I find men who have such fluidness in their sexuality to be extremely appealing. So if I was in a situation
where I was attracted to two men at the same time but could only choose one, with one being straight, the other bi, I would
choose the bi guy hands down with no hesitation.

[but that's my name!!]

This is a very interesting point it would be helpfull to know how many men and women there are on the site.

One thaught I have had is that bi women tend to get a lot of straight guys comeing on to them often mentioning threesomes, or at least this is what my bi female friends get. So maybe they've just had enough and don't want to risk the same with bi guys. ??? just a thaught.

Aly.

[izzfan]

Yeah, the perceptions of male and female bisexuality was mentioned in another of the current threads [the one to do with a bisexual identity]. it is an interesting point and perhaps the fact that most women seem don't seem
to advertise for bisexual men shows that prejudices about bisexuals are very complex and deeply ingrained in many people's views. But That's my Name's point about the fact that bisexual women are often seen as highly attractive by str8 men may be relavent in this and I'll say the same thing that I said in the identity thread, in my opinion the double standards relating to male and female bisexuality stem from homphobia and pornography. Let me explain: most homophobes seem to find the idea of 2 men sleeping together to be repulsive [I'm not saying that everyone should think of it as amazing (even though it actually is ) but that people should at least tolerate it or just not think about it at all if they don;t like the idea of it ] most violent/ outspken homophobes tend to be male and this has been the case throught history [some notable examples are: Hitler (although he did persecute lesbians/bisexuals too), Nick Griffin [for the information non-uk members, Griffin leads the BNP, a neo-nazi party in the UK] , numerous religious and sporting figures/fans etc... also, most homphobic murders/beatings tend to be committed by male homophobes]. Now, I'm not trying to criticise men at all [I am one! lol] but I am just stating that male homophobia seems to be the most prominent and widespread form of homphobia and many of these 'hetrosexual' men [there was a study that showed that 80% of violently/strongly homophobic people are actually deeply repressed homosexuals.... I can see certain carribean islands, the deep south of the USA and the middle east being the next major gay holiday destinations if people were just honest with
themselves lol] seem to find women attractive whatever situation they are in. This brings me on to my second point: pornography. Now, I have nothing against porn (and I use it on a regular basis myself) but F/F scenes seem to be a staple of 'straight' pornography and this is often the only imagery of bisexuality that less well informed people tend to get. Also, if I may become theoretical for a second, the reason why they tend to show female bisexuality in porn aimed at str8 men rather than showing lesbians [who have no interest whatsoever in men in a sexual way] is because it both allows them to double the amount of female nudity shown and also it suggests to the often heterosexual male reader that the woman would still sleep with him.

Just my

Izzfan

[AubergineCow]

I would love to find a male couple to watch in bed...I find two men together to be very sexy and aesthetically pleasing - as long as the cock isn't aimed in my direction....

I mostly prefer women but I have learned to never say never to anything in life, particularly when I have *always* fallen in love with the mind and soul *first*...

I am MUCH more interested in what's between your ears than what's between your legs.

[TorontoGuy2007]

this is pure speculation, but i think most people come here for same-sex experiences.. people don't have a problem attracting the opposite sex, but they do attracting the same, perhaps?

seems most female profiles have specific instructions that they do not want single men contacting them.. most say they are happily in a relationship but want some same-sex fun.. and if that's what they are looking for, then that's fine. nothing wrong with that..

[Majatti]

I think the OP's point though was more geared to why more bi-women don't seek out bi-men as opposed to men in general.

I have often wondered this myself. When I was single I met very few bi-women that were interested in dating bi-men. Actually let there were two that I went out with, but there were more women that I went out with that were st8.

[hudson9]

I think it's a function of supply and demand! Bi women online are probably constantly getting "hit on" (by str8 AND Bi guys...), and there's probably WAY fewer bi women than guys (str8 or bi) online. Lots of reasons for this, but I wouldn't put it down to (at least in this case) bi prejudice.

[Fire Lotus]

I am a bi woman who is happily married to a bi man. So I have no interest in seeking out bi men for romantic/sexual relationships. This is why I gear my quest for that kind of relationships towards women.

However if I was single, I would be more interested in bi men than straight. After having being able to compare the two, I think on some levels a bisexual man is better able to understand me and I, him. But this has just been my experience. YMMV

[CountryLover]

I'm one of those rare ones.

Last year I decided I was ready to marry again, so I promptly put out my ads online specifying that I wanted a bi man.

Believe it or not, I found him right away - I married the only one I actually met. We fell in love practically from the first date.

It's been SOOOO wonderful being married to someone who understands, even though we did choose to be monogamous - for now.

[wanderingrichard]

This is a very interesting point it would be helpfull to know how many men and women there are on the site.

One thaught I have had is that bi women tend to get a lot of straight guys comeing on to them often mentioning threesomes, or at least this is what my bi female friends get. So maybe they've just had enough and don't want to risk the same with bi guys. ??? just a thaught.

Aly.

what gets me is the " no single men, no bi men" screaming add ons when you read a couple's post or profile where it says he's str8, she's bi, and they're only looking for another woman.... am i paranoid here or does anyone else smell trust and control issues here along with the possibility of the male half being very insecure or threatened in their own sexuality?? or that there may actually be more darker and underlying marital issues here too..?? and yes, instead of rising to bait because my anti discrimination hot button got pushed, i learned to just move on away from them..

i've talked to a lot of single, truly bi, women who were involved in other online communities and they've all said the same thing...that they are tired of being hit on by men who think they are easy or slutty because they've stated in their profile that they are bi.. quite a few actually took the step of removing that from their profile so that they could actually enjoy some peace in their lives. having experienced something similar after i first came most of the way out a few years back i can empathize..anyone like getting woken up by late night cry baby group cruisers who wont take no for an answer?? stuff like " i'm horny can i come over and play" or "hey i got a big dick and you're queer.. wanna get fucked by me?" were usually met with varying versions of "go pound sand, you inconsiderate shit" at 3am and 4 am , who's really cheerful right after getting woken up by stuff like that?

so the easy way to avoid it is to just turn off your messengers at night before you go to bed, and take advantage of the privacy features included in the preference or set up settings of most instant messenger programs.

but, why don't bi women include bi men more? maybe the majority have painted us all with the same brush of derision and distrust they'd give any other man because they've have problems in the past.

sorry if i wandered a bit, but them's my two pennies.
Rich

[Lorcan]

It's easy to find men. Hey, it is. It's just a fact.

When i came out of a long term relationship, the first thing i said to myself was i was ONLY gonna date women. I wound up dating two bi guys, one straight guy, and one bi girl. So you don't have to LOOK to find guys.

Now if i was single and had a hard time finding guys, i would would advertize for BI guys, because as much as i've loved some of the straight guys, i think bis understand me better.

[rockstarvomit]

I would probably really enjoy having a bi boyfriend-particularly over a straight one, given my attraction to gay men. But at the moment, I'm actively looking for a girl. If the right guy came along at the right moment, I wouldn't rule anything out.

[genera101.2]

that is my dream and how to find a bi woman looking for a bi guy. most women i felt i could come out to rejected me. i had one friend with benifits who accepted me and we had fun. but it wasn't lasting. looking for the ltr.

[Majatti]

It's easy to find men. Hey, it is. It's just a fact.

When i came out of a long term relationship, the first thing i said to myself was i was ONLY gonna date women. I wound up dating two bi guys, one straight guy, and one bi girl. So you don't have to LOOK to find guys.

Now if i was single and had a hard time finding guys, i would would advertize for BI guys, because as much as i've loved some of the straight guys, i think bis understand me better.

It's easy to find men... it's easy to find women. It is hard to find the right man or woman.

I got pretty lucky in finding the one I have, she has accepted me for who I am although she isn't bi.

[Chaia]

[QUOTE=Fire Lotus]I am a bi woman who is happily married to a bi man. So I have no interest in seeking out bi men for romantic/sexual relationships. This is why I gear my quest for that kind of relationships towards women.
However if I was single, I would be more interested in bi men than straight. [QUOTE]

I agree with you, Fire Lotus. I already have a man, so I would be looking for the woman half. If I were single, I would love to find a bi man, over a straight man, to be with--partly because two guys together is hot and partly because he would understand my dual attraction from first hand experience.

[tony455]

i would absolutly love to have a personal relationship with a bisexual woman,i feel that way we would be on the same wavelength,i think the sex would be great besides the relationship wpould be really enhanced for both of us

[Long Duck Dong]

I have to agree with wandering richard....

many of the ladies ( bi / straight ) that i talk to, mention being sick to death of males thinking that that the ladies are frustrated and desperate for a fuck

also in bisexual.com.... its not the ladies that hit on me for cyber... its the guys.... I notice a lot of guys enter the room and start PMing everybody they can, the ladies enter the room and say hi, how are you

as one person bluntly put it.. If i place a ad, I get hit on by guys that can't read my profile.... don't know the meaning of respect.... and they think that * i wanna fuck you * is a guaranteed way to capture a ladies heart

I have been involved in the dating scene for years, helping people, writing profiles and ads for people.... and watching......
and what i notice is a lot of ladies don't need to advertise, they can enter a dating site, and pick and choose from the pages and pages of guys....and so it becomes clear to the female that why advertise and get hit on by illiterate guys, when the lady can take the time to read profiles and make a informed and clear choice.

[someotherguy]

That's why I have given up on relationships with women. They have no incentive to stay, and they don't value men, when it's so lopsided in terms of supply and demand. A woman can trade up any day of the week, on a whim. She can change her mind for any reason. Men seem to have deeper loyalties and more of a need for interdependence, that is, when they aren't just cruising for casual sex, a pastime in its own right. I have a couple of long standing friendships with men. It seems to mean something that it lasts. My experience tells me women are fickle. I have no ill will towards women, but it seems impossible to me that a relationship could be based on such an uneven footing, and be any good.

[NorthBiEast]

That's why I have given up on relationships with women. They have no incentive to stay, and they don't value men, when it's so lopsided in terms of supply and demand. A woman can trade up any day of the week, on a whim. She can change her mind for any reason. Men seem to have deeper loyalties and more of a need for interdependence, that is, when they aren't just cruising for casual sex, a pastime in its own right. I have a couple of long standing friendships with men. It seems to mean something that it lasts. My experience tells me women are fickle. I have no ill will towards women, but it seems impossible to me that a relationship could be based on such an uneven footing, and be any good.

I have to say that this is an theory I've heard many times before, but always refering to men being fickle and shallow, rather than women. I think that it is impossible, not to mention downright unfair, to generalize literally half of the population, whichever side of the argument you are on. It seems that it has already been brought up that many of the women here are half of M/F relationships (myself included), with no desire to leave, or "trade up" the M half. If some guy tried to come between my hubby and me, he'd find himself slapped fast.

I suspect,SOG, you'll find that once you've earned a woman's loyalty, you're stuck with it. The trick is earning it.

[someotherguy]

That's like saying the reason women get beat up in abusive relationships is they haven't earned respect. It places the blame on the victim. Makes no sense to me.

[Long Duck Dong]

just one thing to say t SoG....

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

[dangerous_unicorn]

looks like someone doesn't know females as well as he thinks he does and if he has no idea he shouldn't be so fast to judge them and they know who they are

[someotherguy]

You guys can go to hell.

[nv_cpl_4u]

Hello all, I have been bi since I was a teen. All I thought about then was women. I do love to be with women, but I do LOVE men very much so. I have been married 2 times and it wasnt good ones. I have found him. We just got married in Sept. Very happy. For the last 4 yrs I have been so turned on by seeing men together. When I met my husband he told me that he would do ANYTHING I wanted him to do. So we talked about it and that is when he told me he was bi. His ex wouldnt have it at all. She is also bi. So when I told him I would love to see him with men he felt so happy that I was ok with him being bisexual. It has been so nice to be open in our relationship. I so love to have him being taken care of by a man. I would rather have a bisexual man in our bed all the time. Yes, I am bisexual. I have been with a few woman in my yrs. I think it is all about my man now. Now to have a bi-cpl would be even hotter. I have never posted anything before, so I hope I didnt bore any of you. Love you ALL

[IanBorthwick]

On several occasions I have groused about this exact same item. I thought Bisexual meant either...but since coming here I have seen it be exactly the opposite. And when I did say I was looking for EITHER, I got dissected. I'd say it was funny, but really it is just odd.

[FerociousFeline]

Hey yall,
I've pondered this question for years, actually. The conclusions I've come to regarding this issue would likely begin a flame war, so I'll just avoid that and say that there are two or three main variables to this equation. They are:

Control. (who has it, based on who wants/needs the other more than the other needs them)

Age. (Younger women are much more likely to have a princess complex working than older more mature women who appreciate what Bi men have to offer)

Supply and demand.

I looked for years for women who were bi for a very specific reason. I theorized that if Bi-men were male spirits biased in male physicality, and Bi-women were female spirits based in female physicality. (that being the obvious given) it would follow that the purrfect match would be to match the physicals with opposites, and match the personalities with opposites. (for example a dominant male with a submissive type female who were both bi and who might "switch". (or, the opposite. It wouldn't matter where the bias was so long as they were equal and opposite). In this way all aspects of both spirits could be well fed while remaining in a traditional man-woman relationship. That was the quest. What I found was that (now understand this is my own personal limited experience which may not reflect your own) {your milage may vary}
What I found was that there was a pattern regarding women with the dreaded "I'm a bisexual woman and PLEASE NO SINGLE MEN" <bi or otherwise>. Younger women were over three times more likely to have that in their profiles as more mature women. I would get extremely frustrated because I couldn't understand why they would advertise themselves as bisexual and then negate any and ALL men. After years of putting myself through the negative experience of attempting to connect with bi women, I actually finally just gave up. It was easier to find a straight woman who might have bicurious tendencies and help her grow than it was to tolerate the princess attitudes of a woman who is too used to having her way completely, as a direct result of being able to do that very thing. Now before some of you freak out about what I'm going to say next......bear in mind that I realize that it's likely that some women out there have experienced the equal opposite side of my experience. Whatever. There has been an unavoidably large number of potential women I've rejected because one major aspect of their bisexuality was in point of fact, pure narcissism. The incidence of this in more mature women was drastically less. When combined with the point about more mature women also being far more open to bisexual men........well, I think you can see what I'm driving at. Now this is by no means conclusive, it's just a bunch of woolgathering that I've been doing but it seems to me that the simple truth is, the biggest homophobes are NOT men. They are women. It's a complete double standard which younger women perpetuate. Whether this is about who is the queen bee, or what I don't know. Maybe it's about, oh hell, what did they call it? .......well they called it "reproductive strategy" in reference to het connections, and this would be the same except it's about getting partners and not getting partners for the purpose of reproducing. So whatever the hell you'd call THAT. I've known a few women who were bi who wanted to tell me that I somehow "wasn't a REAL man" and were selectively blind to their own double standard. Ok I just read all this back and it didn't come out as clear as I'd hoped, but does any of this ring true for any of you?

FF

[dangerous_unicorn]

but most females aren't that bad depends on who you meet and what they are treated like to how we treat guys some guys just aren't worth the effort.

[csrakate]

That's why I have given up on relationships with women. They have no incentive to stay, and they don't value men, when it's so lopsided in terms of supply and demand. A woman can trade up any day of the week, on a whim. She can change her mind for any reason. Men seem to have deeper loyalties and more of a need for interdependence, that is, when they aren't just cruising for casual sex, a pastime in its own right. I have a couple of long standing friendships with men. It seems to mean something that it lasts. My experience tells me women are fickle. I have no ill will towards women, but it seems impossible to me that a relationship could be based on such an uneven footing, and be any good.

You obviously haven't met the right women...either that or your defensiveness brings out the worst in them. Relationships are two way streets and you very often get out of them what you put in them. If you allow yourself to be a doormat then people will walk on you....If you are an asshole then people will dislike you. But to judge an entire gender based on your personal observations is wrong!

Just my two cents
Kate

[Lorcan]

So it sounds like there are two types of bi women who do this:

A) homophobes

and

B) woman like me when i was young. i.e. I had a whole bunch of men lined up in front of my doorstep just waiting for their turn to date me. But i had never experienced a woman, and i really wanted to! So i focused all my energy on finding a woman. Woman are harder to find!

[CountryLover]

some of it is simple supply and demand

There are MANY MANY more men looking for sex and sexual partners - online and off - than there are women of any orientation.