Bisexual Married Man

[BiGuy1992]

Hello all,
I am a 30 yr old married man. I believe I am bisexual but I?m not 100% sure. My wife doesn?t want me to experiment at all because she is worried that I will divorce her for another man. I have continuously told her that there was no chance that I would leave her.
In the same breath that I say that I also say that she tries to hook me up with a friend of hers that has a crush on me. She?s clearly torn on if she wants me to experiment or not. I don?t really know what to do. I also don?t really know what I want to do.

[Long Duck Dong]

Lol what an awkward situation to be in.......

OK lets break it down......it sounds like you are bi curious and thats cool, sometimes we feel attraction to others and a desire to experiment, for some it works, for others they realise the fantasy is better than the reality.......

Now your wife, I do understand her thinking, in her mind, its like she trusts that friend not to interfere with your marriage, but she struggles with the idea of strangers that she does not know because she has no idea how they think........and also in part, you have have not said anything about your own feelings towards the friend, sexually or otherwise......
But I also see something else, shes trying to find a compromise that is helping her feel safer and more secure, while allowing you to explore and learn......

The option is up to you if you consider what she is offering, as not only is it about you, it also allows her to feel like shes part of your journey, and not just a bystander........so you need to talk openly and honestly with her about your own concerns about experimenting with the friend, their attraction to you and the fact that its not a mutual attraction.....what happens if you find that you do not enjoy doing things with the friend but still want to try things........

now you told your wife you will never leave her, the trouble is that it can take a lifetime to prove those words to be true......so in a way, your wife is looking for a way to allow you to explore and learn more about your self and for you both to honor your vows to each other, while also allowing you to prove that you are true to your word that you will never leave her........A good number of guys would prefer a wife like that, over one that says do what ever you want, I do not care and do not want to know.......

I also have a odd question, you did not say anything about your wives own interest, and without trying to read anything into the situation, I am curious if the reason for suggesting the friend to you, may be for her benefit as well, IE watching or even enjoying in, in a safe situation.........I have known some wives that hide that side of themselves when they let their partners explore, only revealing their own interest later on when they were ready.........

either way, the best thing for you both, is full, open and honest communication, not just about you exploring but your own concerns and worries, and allowing her to be involved in what ever way she feels comfortable, such as involving the friend, whom she appears to trust.... after all, she is your wife....

[Modude]

Not sure I can give advice for this situation, my wife used to drop hints to me that she would like to be with a woman.
I told her if she wanted a FWB situation with a girlfriend it was fine with me, she had a few hookups with different women, there was one that she had about a six month relationship with until her friend moved away.
Never once did I feel threatened that she would leave me for another woman, can't explain it but somehow I just knew it wouldn't happen.
As to my own sexuality, I'm extremely bi curious but have yet to act on it, mainly because of the fear of STD's , my wife understands my bi urges because of her own experience and the only thing she's said is be careful.
I guess for us it would be a case of addition instead of replacement, staying together as a couple but adding a same sex partner to satisfy bisexual desires.

[Tj6689]

If your wife wants you to hook up with her friend go ahead, do it, you have a kitchen pass so take it. I do not think you should go beyond her fantasy, do it, and then see what shakes out. She may love it and want you to do it more, she may hate it and want it to never happen again, or it may open up her bisexuality and lucky you you get everything.

[BiGuy1992]

The option is up to you if you consider what she is offering, as not only is it about you, it also allows her to feel like shes part of your journey, and not just a bystander........so you need to talk openly and honestly with her about your own concerns about experimenting with the friend, their attraction to you and the fact that its not a
I also have a odd question, you did not say anything about your wives own interest, and without trying to read anything into the situation, I am curious if the reason for suggesting the friend to you, may be for her benefit as well, IE watching or even enjoying in, in a safe situation.........I have known some wives that hide that side of themselves when they let their partners explore, only revealing their own interest later on when they were ready.........

either way, the best thing for you both, is full, open and honest communication, not just about you exploring but your own concerns and worries, and allowing her to be involved in what ever way she feels comfortable, such as involving the friend, whom she appears to trust.... after all, she is your wife....[/QUOTE]


so I have actually asked my wife about her intentions and she just told me that she is suggesting him because of the fact that she knows me

[KDaddy23]

If I were in that situation and my wife tried to hook me up like that, I'd ask her why. I'd figure it out but I'd want to hear it from her. Baby, you can't tell me that you don't want me exploring because you're afraid that I'll leave you for a man (this is a common statement made by a lot of women I personally know) and then trying to hook me up with your friend. Here's the other thing I'd want to know from her: If we do hook up and things go well, what else is going to change with you? Are you gonna see me and him hitting it off nicely and then go right back to be afraid that I'm going to leave you?

In my own dealings with women and my bisexuality, I tell them truthfully that there's not a dick in the world that'll make me give up women and if I leave, this won't be the reason why. But if this is what she is going to allow you to do, yeah - go for it and see what happens after the fact.

[BiGuy1992]

So my wife came clean to me about why she wanted me to experiment with her friend and that?s because she knows who he is. She also told me that she was afraid that I would like it more than her if I experimented which is why she doesn?t really want me to experiment. She hasn?t told me anything about her wanting to watch/join in with me and this guy but when she was drunk last Saturday she was encouraging me to do it and to have a 3some with this guy.
I don?t really know what I want to do. I?m super nervous all the way around about it all

[jjourneyman]

The first guy I had sex with was married, as were many afterwards. None ever left their wife because they were bisexual. The sex we had was more of an outlet. If anything, it contributed to their marriage lasting as long as it did.

[KDaddy23]

Yeah, okay, I understand. It's what a lot of women fear when they find that we want and/or like dick. One of the hardest things I've had to do has been explaining to women that my wanting dick doesn't have anything to do with them! It's like they understand this... and they don't. All this aside, yeah - I'd ask her if she was serious about this and, if so, let's do it... but you'd do well to be prepared should she has a change of mind about this. It's like being between a rock and a hard place. I know what I'd do (and what I've done) in this situation...

[Long Duck Dong]

So my wife came clean to me about why she wanted me to experiment with her friend and that?s because she knows who he is. She also told me that she was afraid that I would like it more than her if I experimented which is why she doesn?t really want me to experiment. She hasn?t told me anything about her wanting to watch/join in with me and this guy but when she was drunk last Saturday she was encouraging me to do it and to have a 3some with this guy.
I don?t really know what I want to do. I?m super nervous all the way around about it all

Lol..... the fun thing about humankind, is regardless of how complex we think we are, people still follow basic patterns of thinking and behavior......

I can understand what she is saying about being afraid that you may like sex with a male more than sex with her......and my answer would have been the sex is different with a male than with a female, shes right in that respect......so how about you both get a dildo and strapon and experiment together, just the two of you........that way you both can get a feel for what is enjoyable and what is not and that way you can also get a idea on what you want to try with another guy.......

There is always the possibility that you may enjoy sex with a male more than a female, but is the same not true for her, if you have a threesome, she may enjoy sex with the other guy more than you......and most often people will immediately say NO that would never happen, I love you too much..... a defensive answer but no difference to how they are thinking about you and the other guy......

Moods are the most important thing to consider, just like desires.... and as a couple you know that already, there are days when sex is great and some days when it feels vanilla / or plain, and so something like getting it on in the shower really appeals........no different to a bisexual person having desires for a male one day and a female the next......

I have a intersex female partner, and we are in a closed group with another male and two females.... the sex ranges from no sex tonight, to just kissing and cuddling, to masturbation to oral, to full on fucking to anywhere in the house, any time with anybody.... and yes at times its just her with the girls and me with the guy.......its all about mood, need and desire.......and yes sometimes we do not spend the night together because we are too fucking exhausted to change beds, lol.... but we are safe in the knowledge that sex with others is great but they can not give us the connection, love and energy we have with each other as partners.......

That connection was built up over time as we worked through different issues with a lot of communication and talking, the same as you are doing with your wife........

Yes you are nervous, and I bet she is too, hence the dutch courage she has when drunk....lol.....and even in bed in a 3some, its possible that one or both of you will * chicken out * or other emotions may come up.... but hey its one of the aspects of being human and trying something new.......

So you could start small like a blowjob in the lounge, rather than naked in the bedroom....building up slowly and trying new things that way can be easier on you both, and give you both time to adjust ......cos a drunken 3some, may be great but the morning after could be problematic..

Honestly the first time I was with my partner sexually, we were both nervous, her because she was scared that she would not be sexually pleasing ( in fact she blew my mind completely ) and me because she is intersex ( born with a working cock and pussy ) so where did I start? lol........the next morning when I woke, she just looked at me, smiled and we fucked like it was the most natural thing and we had been doing it for years.......she also taught me a few tricks to use on her that gave her the most intense orgasms as well......

Lol, I can now say I have eaten a females pussy so well that she shot a big load of cum out of her cock ( note, intersex female required for that lol )

Yes at times the sex is better with others than with her, but again, its mood, need and desire... and other times we have sex with each other that nobody else can compete with.........and we are both honest about it with each other.........and honestly its things like that, that make our relationship so strong and is the reason why we know in ourselves that we will not leave each other

[Grant_Norman]

I'm openly bisexual and out to my wife. I'm also in the middle of trying to divorce her. She is an ultraconservative conspiracy theorist Trumpster, who has denied me any intimacy for 10 years. Sex with men and other women is my only survival outlet. Yet, 90% of the reasons I'm pursuing divorce has nothing to do with my bisexuality. It is her narcissistic personality disorder that makes her always has to be in control, always angry with people, a truly crazy world view, and of course a denial of any intimacy. That's the reason for divorce. Living with her is a world of everything must be her, she is the victim of everything, a lie can always handle anything, deceit is normal, and so on and so on, all the common NPD traits.

The 10% bisexuality part for breakup is obviously I understand her ultraconservatism is homophobic in nature and regular snarky comments about me sucking cck and swallowing cum are almost daily. In between all this shit, she is a nice person a lot of the ime, but all her niceness doesn't make this tolerable, and I am not wanting to subject her to my ongoing bisexuality because being out and secure with it, I will enjoy it he rest of my life. I love eating pussy and love swallowing cum. It is who I am.

[BiGuy1992]

Please keep politics out of this. This has nothing to do with trump. Saying she was ultra conservative was enough. Even then conservatives aren’t this big group of homophobes either.

[JayMN]

Well said

[marine20]

i agree with BIGUY

[Modude]

i agree with BIGUY

So do I.....

[DD788Snipe]

Exactly. Thank you BiGuy. Come on Grant This is not a political place.

[nu2curious]

Not sure I can give advice for this situation, my wife used to drop hints to me that she would like to be with a woman.
I told her if she wanted a FWB situation with a girlfriend it was fine with me, she had a few hookups with different women, there was one that she had about a six month relationship with until her friend moved away.
Never once did I feel threatened that she would leave me for another woman, can't explain it but somehow I just knew it wouldn't happen.
As to my own sexuality, I'm extremely bi curious but have yet to act on it, mainly because of the fear of STD's , my wife understands my bi urges because of her own experience and the only thing she's said is be careful.
I guess for us it would be a case of addition instead of replacement, staying together as a couple but adding a same sex partner to satisfy bisexual desires.

Your wife seems OK with your sexuality so you and her should work together to find a suitable partner for you to try it , I think you should but make sure she's in loop . Imagine how liberated you'll feel having her permission to go ahead and enjoy yourself and allow your full sexuality to flourish.

[BiGuy1992]

So a little update:
It turns out that my wife is a freaky little thing and wants to do a threesome with this guy friend of hers. I’m terrified of my first time. And I’m terrified of losing my wife. But she has now played out a scenario of what she really wants to happen. I’m nervous and scared.

[skuz69]

Go for it. Don't be scared about sucking your first cock.....you will find that it comes very naturally and you'll quickly start to enjoy it. A three-way is something I've always wanted to try and have never had the opportunity. Years ago, a friend (who ended up being a FWB) set up a threeway with another woman as a birthday present. We should all be so lucky......with either a male or a female.

[John1971]

I agree. Go for it, and let us know how things turn out. Hopefully you'll be happy with the results.

[Jazminedress]

Please keep politics out of this. This has nothing to do with trump. Saying she was ultra conservative was enough. Even then conservatives aren’t this big group of homophobes either.

Thank you,

[Jazminedress]

As sometimes, okay many times, okay lots of times, I am going to be a little bit of the dissenter in this. Sorry, but I am sitting here in my guy clothes so I am automatically analytical and lined up all the posts and reread. There is too much NOT answered, I would also guess some not asked maybe. We dont know the relationship between the two of you, is it super solid, on thin ice, is it 50/50, not meant for you to answer, but questions I would ask before I made such a choice

Ummmmmmmm, how did her discussion with this guy come up ? Where they sitting at work and she said "Hey, my husband wants to suck a dick, how's yours hanging these days "?
Is this guy gay, bi, curious.................whats the deal here.

Devils advocate, does your wife have an interest sexually in this guy ? Could this also be a wanting to step in because she wants to drift ?
I have found sometimes that people , I know there is a word for it I can't think of, but they put the issue on someone else of something they are thinking of doing.

The next thing, look at @kdaddy post and read multiple times, he is one of the great voices of reason and experience.

Last couple of things I will add.................one of my favorite song lyrics ever "Sometimes the rainbow baby is better than the pot of gold"|

Basically, once this is done, it cannot be undone, you and your wife really need to discuss, decide, be honest if this experiment is worth what could happen. She is worried about losing you, but, have you thought when the genie is out the bottle for a more open marriage, are you ready for what could happen.

I would never try to talk you out of it, I have enjoyed my experiences, but, there was no opportunity for anyone to be hurt. The few couples I have been with, I talked straight and serious with them and have turned a few down as I believed they had not thought it through

Best wishes whatever you decide

[BiGuy1992]

So to answer your first question I don’t know how it came up I wasn’t there for the conversation. It’s one of the guys that she has around the neighborhood (friend). The guy is supposedly bisexual and has a crush on me but the issue is he is focused too much on her at this point and it throws a whole bunch of red flags for me.
my wife does have a sexual interest in him and I’m not able to get a straight explanation from her on why she is so attracted to this guy. I honestly don’t know if she’s trying to leave me or not. She swears up down and sideways that she just wants him to be a fuck buddy but I honestly don’t have a real answer for that.

I am unfortunately not going to be doing anything with this guy and neither is she because of the fact that he has, in my opinion, thrown too many red flags up for me to ignore. He makes it clear that he is really into my wife but isn’t ready to see me naked even if it’s just us focusing on my wife.

what do you guys think?

[skuz69]

If he's not ready to play with the both of you, that would be a deal breaker for me.

[darkeyes]

Please keep politics out of this. This has nothing to do with trump. Saying she was ultra conservative was enough. Even then conservatives aren’t this big group of homophobes either.

Hmmm... u think not? There are many conservatives who are not homophobes, but there are equally many who are on both sides of the Atlantic and elsewhere. I have never believed in keeping politics out of the lgbtq.. Trump has played his part in raising the bogeyman and I fully expect things to get worse before they get better. Don't bury your head in the sand.. Homophobia in the western democracies is all too hale and hearty and becoming more so and Trump, like Johnson, Bolsonaro, Orban and others cannot escape culpability..

Contrary to what has been said by one individual, this IS a place for political debate and has been for most of its existence and I hope always will be.

[marine20]

normally i would say go for the 3-some because they are awesome. but this guy in your eyes is questionable. you will have to use your personal judgement on this. frankly the way he and your wife talk , it sounds like they may have already done some fucking behind your back. maybe they want to rid themselves of guilt , and fuck each other with your permission. i have been a cocksucker most of my adult life , and i have let my wife fuck many men. these two things can work out , but it is your call . good luck !

[xdoorb]

Hmmm... u think not? There are many conservatives who are not homophobes, but there are equally many who are on both sides of the Atlantic and elsewhere. I have never believed in keeping politics out of the lgbtq.. Trump has played his part in raising the bogeyman and I fully expect things to get worse before they get better. Don't bury your head in the sand.. Homophobia in the western democracies is all too hale and hearty and becoming more so and Trump, like Johnson, Bolsonaro, Orban and others cannot escape culpability..

Contrary to what has been said by one individual, this IS a place for political debate and has been for most of its existence and I hope always will be.

Trump and the extreme right wing have formed an alliance to attack gay/queer people all over this country and all over the world. It is absolutely a topic bi people should be discussing, as MAGA is literally a hostile threat to our lives and relationships. Like a lot of other people in this position, I'm no longer willing to bury my head in the sand or pretend that what is plainly happening is not happening.

[Jazminedress]

So to answer your first question I don’t know how it came up I wasn’t there for the conversation. It’s one of the guys that she has around the neighborhood (friend). The guy is supposedly bisexual and has a crush on me but the issue is he is focused too much on her at this point and it throws a whole bunch of red flags for me.
my wife does have a sexual interest in him and I’m not able to get a straight explanation from her on why she is so attracted to this guy. I honestly don’t know if she’s trying to leave me or not. She swears up down and sideways that she just wants him to be a fuck buddy but I honestly don’t have a real answer for that.

I am unfortunately not going to be doing anything with this guy and neither is she because of the fact that he has, in my opinion, thrown too many red flags up for me to ignore. He makes it clear that he is really into my wife but isn’t ready to see me naked even if it’s just us focusing on my wife.

what do you guys think?

I think it is a smart choice. When you add that in, maybe its time to take a click , step back and just wait a while. From the way your writing sounds, or at least way it comes across to me (IMO). I would also keep a sharp eye on this guy. If they already had a discussion, this could make him think all doors are open to walk through

[BiGuy1992]

Keep politics off my post. Period

[John1971]

I agree that there are too many red flags. Seems he's more interested in your wife than anything. Avoid doing anything involving him, but at the same time keep a close watch on him.