[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"...have sex with your brother?" I've been asked that by those I've let in on this fact in my life. Some have been horrified and some, uh, some have been strangely excited. The morality of it would be brought up, preached about with lots of Old Testament shit tossed in... and I'd learned to just listen to it and shrug a lot since I had also learned that the morality, such as it is, didn't mean shit. Even in my youth, I was a realist and of a mind to look past what people thought and because what they thought, well, just wasn't the truth. Shouldn't have done it never, ever changes the fact that it got done and this was one thing that taught me what "closing the barn door after the cows have already left" meant. As I've written before, not only was it not my idea, I didn't even want to go there with him. In fact, the thought never crossed my mind until he started pestering me about it and the more he bugged me, the more I thought about the one thing any of us guys who were having sex with each other always thought about: What if we get caught? I knew a few of my friends got caught doing it with a boy and a few of them got busted having sex with a brother and it didn't go well for them, like the one guy whose father beat his sons so badly they both spent a month in the hospital... and he got to spend a lot of quality time with his very long vacation and as a guest of the state. So when that little asshole started bothering me about this, yeah - ain't going there. But I caved in; it became clear to me that while I could have beat him up, all that was gonna do was get me in trouble and more so when I'd be made to explain why I beat him up so in my mind, there was only one thing to do and the thought was if I did what he wanted us to do, he'd leave me the hell alone. To tell the truth, if I had known ahead of time that having sex with him was going to be that good, I never would have objected for as long as I did. Morally, it wasn't okay and that much was very clear... but I knew of all the other guys who were having sex with their brothers and "kid logic" began to suggest that maybe it's not really as wrong as everyone said it was. I mean, really - all the other guys were doing it, right? Shit... some even got busted and they were still doing it - well, except those two who got sent to the hospital. So kid logic came up with something that just made sense: Don't get caught.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The most important thing I learned and had reinforced was that everyone was fair game until proven otherwise and everyone literally meant everyone. Anyone. Whether you knew them to some degree or it was a total stranger propositioning you. You never know when someone has tagged you as their prey, whether they wanna top you or bottom for you. I learned to be able to make snap decisions one way or the other; I learned to get my instincts to be more... aware and to be able to pick up subtle clues that would tell me that saying yes to the proposition would be a good thing or saying no was the best thing to say - and no matter how much they might keep bugging me. I learned how to better [I]look[/I] at the guy in question, to be able to get inside his head to see what inside there and determine whether what I might see was in line with my view of things. It was just sex, of course, but it was about - is about - what it means to the other guy, whether it was just something to do or something that was a major force in his life. And then it would a matter if I wanted - or needed - to accommodate him. The thing I had to admit that sometimes a guy would pester me to let him blow me or to fuck him and despite any misgiving I might have, um, I would want to let him suck my dick and, um, busting a nut deep in his ass didn't really sound like a bad idea... but I'd have to deal with the consequences of my actions and I'd learn to accept this. The truth was that most of the time, my "bad vibes feeling" were kinda just my imagination but sometimes, yeah - I was right: Giving a guy my dick to play with would sometimes turn out to be a pain in the ass and sometimes literally; sometimes, I just guessed wrongly and I wouldn't be happy about that but, again, it was about accepting the consequences of the decision I made at that moment - and then having no regrets because it didn't - and still doesn't - make any sense for me to have regrets over something I wanted to do even if it didn't turn out "right." Do you know what it's like to be prey? To be hunted?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had to learn to deal with these guys and had to learn to let my instincts about them provide more detail as to why they might be the wrong guy to have sex with... and to say no to them and mean it and stick with my decision without resorting to violence. I felt bad about rejecting quite a few of these guys but this was a matter of my own integrity. It wasn't easy for them to make me cave in... but I would and I had to learn not to really regret it so much and more so when, in fact, the sex was usually pretty good. But they weren't the only persistent hunters I found myself dealing with. That would be the guys who were looking for their first experience with a guy. Some of them found their way to be by word of mouth... but many would just appear out of the blue and like they just knew that I was the "perfect" guy to introduce them to dick. I had gotten used to guys I knew - a little or a lot - asking me if we could blow each other or fuck and if my gut told me to turn them down, I'd say no - and that would be the end of that. The persistent ones? If they did anything else, they helped me perfect my... technique for giving a guy his first experience; I'd not only tell them what was good about it but I'd tell them what was - and what could be - their worst nightmare if they did this and I'd do it without having to lie to them about any of it. I quickly learned that the fastest way to stop them from bugging me was to literally scare the shit out of them with the truth. And it worked... sometimes. I was teaching my instincts that giving them what they wanted might feel wrong but, okay - if I tell them what the real deal is and this wasn't a game; this is gonna be some life-changing shit they're asking to get into - and they decide they still wanna have the experience, then so be it. They couldn't and wouldn't be able to say that I didn't tell them what the deal was. But I also had to learn how to be there for them to pick up the pieces if/when their worst nightmare came true; I'd seen way too many guys get hung out to dry and left to deal with whatever they did on their own... and it wasn't pretty and that's being nice about it. I may not have really wanted to do anything with them but I wasn't an uncaring asshole about it even if I did. I had to learn to get used to being this type of prey for other guys; I could say no and mean it and wouldn't change my mind and if I did, it was because they could convince me that they were very much aware of the consequences of their actions and they were prepared to accept the responsibilities involved.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He told me that he just knew that I was the guy whose dick he wanted to suck and to fuck him... and he couldn't explain why he felt that way. The "smart money" suggested that I just tell him okay, have sex with him and as much as he wanted to, and not be all "fussy" about it but this guy felt... wrong. I couldn't put a finger on what was "wrong" with him so I told him I wasn't interested and he took being turned down well. It just didn't stop him from hunting me down and, yeah, I caved in again. I realized that using violence to get rid of these very persistent hunters would solve nothing and only result in me getting into even worse trouble. The thing that fucked with me the most was that I decided that I'd do it with them to get them off my case - but I wasn't gonna like any of it; got it my head that they wouldn't be able to do it right enough to please me... and, man, was I wrong about that. These guys were very damned good at sucking dick and taking my cock in their asses. At one point, I tried turning the tables on them: If you wanted me to do it to you, you gotta do it to me, too! I get to suck your dick and feel you cumming in my ass! And lot of them weren't feeling that - at first - but they'd say that if that's what they had to do just to be able to suck my dick - let alone be fucked by me - then that's what they were gonna do.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had learned that when it came to looking for a dick to play with, um, I wasn't really good at it but because I had learned the lesson of being prey, I quickly realized that I didn't have to go on the hunt - all I had to do was wait for the hunters to find me - and they would. I got used to guys coming out of the woodwork and wanting me to blow them and/or wanting to stuff their dicks in my ass. Those guys were... easy to deal with and telling a lot of them that I wasn't interested wasn't that big of a problem. It just never occurred to me that there would be guys who were hunters because they wanted to very much be the girl in this. In high school, once such guy hounded me for days, pleading his case whenever and wherever he saw me; he'd do [I]anything[/I] I might want if he could suck my dick. He even followed me home a few times and he just would not stop pleading his case. I even told him that if he didn't stop bugging me I was going to kick his ass... and he said that if that's what it would take for him to be able to suck my dick, I should go ahead and beat him up. I eventually caved in - and, no, I didn't beat him up. Did he live up to his promise of sucking my dick real good? He most certainly did but while he blew me, I couldn't shake the feeling that giving into him was a mistake - and it was because he wanted even more from me. Not in a "I wanna be your boyfriend" way, mind you: He wanted to suck my dick every day, sometimes twice a day and even in school; then he bugged the shit out of me until I fucked him - and then he wanted even more of that. I took me six months to get him away from me. I should have been more forceful, maybe should have kicked his ass even though he might have liked that; I eventually sat him down and told him we couldn't be lovers any more. He was "heartbroken" and I felt like an asshole about it but I couldn't keep letting this go on. As fate would have it, two days after I "got rid of him," another guy took his place and started hunting me! I thought the guy I ditched had told this new guy that I was the one but, no - they didn't know each other.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Once I was very much into the joys of sex with other guys, it was like I had a huge sign on me somewhere that seemed to let other guys know that if they wanted sex, I was the guy to hit on. It was one thing for my friends to ask me if we could do it but I seemed to get bum rushed by a lot of guys I either didn't know well or at all, looking to do some sucking and fucking. It took me a while to process this and make sense of it, coming to the conclusion that when it came to sex, everyone was fair game until proven otherwise. Those moments could be bothersome because I'd learned that some guys are just assholes and being all rude and crude was their idea of asking nicely and, as such, I learned to stay away from those guys. But the ones I couldn't seem to avoid - the ones who'd stalk and chase after me - weren't the guys looking for me to blow them and let them fuck me: It was the ones who wanted to suck my dick and have it in the ass. Man... they were so fucking annoying! There were a lot of those guy and guys who I didn't like that much or something inside of me would tell me that having sex with them would be a very bad idea. No matter how much or how many times I'd tell them some version of I didn't want to do it with them, they just would not give up until, shit, I'd cave in and give them what they wanted. And because I'd cave in, that didn't make me feel good about myself. Now, I was stupidly easy to have sex with and that was "bad enough" - but being pestered almost mercilessly then giving in? That was worse. Now, it wasn't that the sex was bad; most of those guys had mad dick sucking skills and many had butts that felt better than being in a girl's pussy... but I couldn't shake the feelings over being pressured into doing something that, before I caved in, I had good reason not to do. [/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Don't get me wrong here; I really do kinda want you to be happy with me sucking your dick... but I'm not going to fall to pieces or whatever if you say you didn't enjoy it. I'm not gonna be mad about it and it's very damned unlikely I'm gonna plead with you to give me another chance to make it better for you - I'm not that guy, either. I don't role-play; I'm not a fan of face fucking and while you might watch porn with women who get off being choked with dick - and porn with guys who seem to get off on it - or maybe you know someone who just loves being face fucked, well, definitely not that guy. Oh, you can fuck into my mouth - I expect that but grabbing my head and ramming your dick down my throat? I will perceive that as a threat... and you're not gonna like how I'm going to respond to the perceived threat. Like I said - I'm old school and in my mind, face fucking ain't cock sucking and, really, I don't need your help to begin with. Some guys expect other guys to act like "the girl" - and some guys, well, that just works for them... but I've never been that kind of guy and never will be and, honestly, I don't give a fuck if that's what works for you. I'm just very no-nonsense about this; I suck your dick, you suck mine and if, by chance, we get to the fucking phase of things, um, don't get it into your head that I'm gonna be the only one who's gonna get fucked because I am, after all, a man and I use my dick like a man's supposed to so, yeah - bend over and grab your ankles. Maybe all of this doesn't make me your kind of guy... and I'll never apologize for not being the girl you might want and need. I'm a man with manly needs and one of them is sex and, again, I try to make easy for that to happen and that's something that women aren't so much of a mind to do. I'm not a girl so don't expect me to act like one and don't you dare try to treat me like one. We will both regret it. I guarantee it. At the least, we're not gonna do anything at all and, at the worse, well, did I mention my very bad temper?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]If you're expecting me to get all weak in the knees over how you look or how big your dick is, well, prepare to be disappointed: I don't give a fuck about any of that. I'm not agreeing or having sex with you to service your needs and have mine unattended or ignored. Decades of experiences have taught me some lessons that, really, I wish weren't even necessary; if you want me to suck your dick and you're not of a mind to suck mine, well, guess what ain't gonna happen? You wanna play alpha male games? Got it in your head that I'm submissive or can be dominated? Please... don't even go there. I don't have anything against guys who are into being submissive or like being dominated - just don't ever expect me to be one of those guys and I'll even be nice enough to let you know that right up front and if you find that I'm not the kind of guy you're looking for, I can accept that and no hard feelings. I don't have the "right" mindset for it and, again, I have a half-century of experience that has taught me a lot about myself and, well, no: I am not a girl. Not gonna act like one. Not gonna be dealt with like one. Even if you have your dick buried in my ass, I'm still not a girl - and, oh, yeah, my ass isn't a pussy and I'd thank you not to refer to it as such. Women have pussies... and I'm clearly and obviously not female. I'm an old-school bisexual but it's not as if I don't know or understand how more "modern" bi guys are and why they are. I get it and if that's what works for you, great... but I'm not one of the more modern bisexuals. I'm just in touch with my feminine side to be able to have and enjoy sex with other men and, really, it takes a "real man" to be able to do this and be okay with it all. I even think and I've been told that I suck dick better than a lot of women... but I'm not a woman. I'm just good at what I do and even if this is just my own opinion. After all, if you're gonna be a cock sucker, be a good one. I'm still not a girl and never will be or even act like one just to make you happy and I hope you don't get offended when I tell you that when I'm sucking your dick, I'm really not doing it to make you happy and like a "good girl" is supposed to do. I am, unashamedly, a selfish cock sucker: I do it because I not only love doing it, it makes me feel all kinds of wonderful and if it's making you feel wondering, so much the better... but I'm not doing it because I'm supposed to make it good for you. You'll always get my best efforts - to do less than that makes no sense but, nope - I'm not sucking your dick for your pleasure alone - I'm not that guy. Whether you liked what I did or not, I got to do what I wanted to do - I sucked your dick and, hopefully, took your cum from you and if I didn't, I still sucked your dick - and that makes me happy even if it didn't make you all that happy.[/SIZE][/FONT]
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