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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I also learned, early on, that doing it to me like a girl - with me on my back - just didn't seem to work for me and like it would for other guys; my legs and hips just didn't want to work like that and no matter how much I'd relax or try to wrap them around a guy's waist or he'd try to get them on his shoulders. The pain I'd feel in my hips was much worst than his dick in my ass would feel so when a guy wanted to do it to me like he'd do it to a girl, I wasn't even trying to do that; let me turn over onto my stomach and you can stick it in that way.

I learned how to get fucked "doggy style" and being on my knees and my ass all up in the air was nice but I missed that body to body contact that comes from lying flat and having the guy lying on top of me as he humped his dick in and out of my ass. Some guys, in that position, would whisper in my ear or kiss my face and neck and it would feel even better and sometimes so good that I'd often drift off to sleep or, at the least, be nodding off. I learned that I did not like it when guys fucked me real hard or was otherwise rough; the discomfort was too distracting and I couldn't pay attention to the good feelings of having his dick in my ass. Sometimes I'd tell a guy, "Not so hard!" and he'd ease up and sometimes, they'd just ignore me and keep doing it even harder and in those times, you can guess and be sure of the fact that a fight was gonna start after he pulled his dick out.

I did have my "favorite" guys and guys who, after they stuck it in me, I didn't want them to shoot - I wanted them to just keep fucking me and there weren't that many of those guys.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]In my youthful debauchery, I could rarely wait for a guy to stick his dick in my ass and fuck me until he either got tired - before all of the guys got around to being able to cum - or I'd feel his dick pumping away trapped inside my asshole and knowing - and sometimes, feeling - his sperm going in me. The finish, it seemed, was the best part of it for me and even today, I can't really say exactly how it made me feel except those times when I felt so very dirty and no amount of soap and water could make me feel "clean."

There was always the anticipation as I'd lie down on my belly and kinda lift my butt up a little; I'd feel him climb on me, his hard prick poking around between my cheeks until he either found my hole on his own or I'd have to reach back and put him where he needed to be... and now it was waiting for the push, to feel his dick pressing into me and, depending on the guy, it would either hurt - and sometimes, a lot - or sometimes they'd sink all of their dick into me and I didn't even feel it going in.

Then feeling him lie down on me and start moving his own ass up and down, sometimes in that circular motion that defined "screwing" and allowing myself to get lost in the sheer nastiness of a boy fucking me in my ass. I would often be so... dreamy. Comfortable. Even kind of relaxing. Feeling his weight on me, feeling the heat of his body; hearing his breathing and whatever sex noises he was making; sometimes hearing that squishy sound of his dick going in and out of my butt - and trying not to laugh; then getting to a point where it was time for him to shoot his jizz in me and make it all feel so much better. Depending on the dick in my ass, I could feel the tremors in his cock shaft that would tell me that, soon, I'd feel his dick get longer and fatter - then feel it pumping and his jizz flowing into me.

Sometimes, I'd feel nothing at all and the only way I'd know he was shooting was, well, he'd say that he was or all the guy could do was cuss. If I didn't or couldn't feel his dick swelling in me or pumping, it was like there was something missing but, sure enough, when he finally pulled out, the evidence that he shot his stuff in my ass would start flowing back out. I'd often feel... empty after he pulled out and it wasn't what I'd call a good feeling unless in those occasions where I knew I fucked up by letting him fuck me and now I'm even happier that he's not fucking me any more.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The joy remains despite how... complicated things have gotten. It's not all that easy to connect with a guy without having to be deemed worthy enough to have sex with them. I've spent a lifetime watching guys divide themselves into two camps: Tops and bottoms. Having so many preferences that even something as simple as getting together and sucking each other off is a major hassle. Finding myself dealing the fears others have and many of them that I learned that having them made little sense and only served to steal one's joy in this. Being safe and discrete is something I very much understand but my "upbringing" as a bisexual male does have a problem with how and why so many men makes having the joy of cock so much harder than it has to be.

While there are... necessary exceptions, there's much joy knowing that any dick can be sucked and any ass can be fucked and that sex like this would be so much better if more guys thought like this. Pull your dick out and let me suck it until you cum and then do the same to me; it shouldn't be that damned difficult but it is and the difficulties are quick to steal one's joy and that makes it even more important, at least to me, to not let that happen.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]That whole "right and wrong" thing was always hanging around and even more so when my brother and I started doing it to each other... but that was a special kind of joy, well, after I got over the way he got me to do it to him but little brothers are supposed to get on your last good nerve.

It was never a thing of me not knowing that all of this was wrong; it was a thing of me not caring that it was. It would sometimes bother me when someone would want to do it... and I just didn't feel like doing it - at first. I didn't know it at the time but I was training my mind to do it even if I really didn't feel like doing it because it was so good and such a joy to do it with another boy: So wrong and so right at the same time. It would often bother me to realize that I was being targeted and sought out because it was so easy to get me to do it and when I say that all a guy had to do was to pull his dick out, I'm not even kidding about that.

Or one of the teenagers would approach me and say, "I hear you like to suck dick - come on so you can suck mine!" Sometimes I really didn't want to but I'd go with them anyway, they'd pull their dick out, and if I didn't feel like it before, I felt like it now and the joy would return big time. If didn't didn't shoot in my mouth, I knew they were gonna shoot it in my butt and I loved that they liked fucking me and telling me how good my ass felt to them. I didn't always get to do it to some of those guys but, at the time, it didn't matter a whole lot because I was sucking them off and being fucked by them and the only thing better than that was doing it to girls and eating their pussies until they begged me to stop and stick it in them.

I was learning so much about the sex I was having because of a word I'd stumbled across: Bisexual. I learned that I liked doing it with girls more than I did doing it with boys... but that was a very close second. Of course, I was also learning what I didn't like and I sure as hell didn't like it when a guy was being rough with me and fucking me so hard that I couldn't enjoy any of it. There were too many times when I'd find myself under a guy and praying that he'd hurry up and shoot it in me - and then feeling bad afterward, not because a guy just did to me but because it didn't feel all that good to me.

I learned that it was important to me to be able to find the joy in having sex with a guy even if he was doing or saying things that would sometimes make me punch him in the face; I'd find myself, after such situations, sitting - and if I could sit at all - and being mad at them and myself about whatever happened but, at the same time, asking myself if I had fun with them before it stopped being fun and more often than not, I had to realize and tell myself the truth that before they pissed me off, it was good and joyful to be having sex with them... but I learned that there now had to be some things I shouldn't - and wouldn't - let some guy do to me because I now knew that they weren't doing those things to make me feel good, too; having that used and dirty feeling wasn't even joyful and if I learned nothing else, I learned that sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad and, if I could, find the joy in it and if it was there at all. Guys would "try to steal my joy" and I wasn't going to let them do that.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]So much joy in knowing that there were guys who wanted to do it to me; even more joy in hearing them asking me if I wanted to do it and more joy still to know that it didn't make much of a difference what we were gonna do. Most of the time, it was sucking each other's dick; it was "easier" because we didn't always have to get naked to do it and, again, we could do it pretty much anywhere.

And... adults. Full-sized, grown up dicks with huge balls and lots of hair down there. Capable of shooting a lot of jizz in my mouth or in my butt - and the added perk of being paid to let them shoot jizz in me. If doing it with my friends was wrong, doing it with them was even more wrong and the truth was that I not only knew it was so very wrong, [I]I didn't care that it was[/I] and, hmm, they didn't care either although, I guess and in their "defense," most of them were nine sheets to the wind to begin with and I was smart enough to understand the connection between them being all liquored up and wanting to have sex.

I had my "regular customers" and I always looked forward to running errands for them and knowing that my payment wasn't just going to be in cash - it was also going to be in hot, salty, jizz. Usually in my mouth - that was faster to do - but when I could feel at grown up dick squeezing its way into my butt - and making it hurt unbelievable good - well, did it really get any better than that? They would be impressed that they could get it in me without causing any damage but even the longest and fattest of them wouldn't try to get all of their dick in me but, yeah, they'd get enough in me to peg my joy meter big time and I'd learned to ignore them reminding me not to tell anyone about this.

Like I was gonna tell anyone other than my friends? But they knew, too, because I wasn't the only one experiencing the joy of a grownup dick in the mouth or ass and, yep - sometimes we'd get together and compare notes about which adult did it to us the best, who had the biggest dick and, very important, how much jizz they'd give us. I still remember the day that "Mr. Smith" wanted to pay me for an errand by sucking my dick... and the look on his face when I shot a load of jizz into his mouth and at the ripe old age of 10. That look of great surprise filled me with so much joy and I really can't explain why it did but, in today's terms, the look he got was... priceless. The, um, "bad news" was that he wore me out making me shoot in his mouth several times and so much that I had a hard time walking after he got done with me. But it was all good as far as I was concerned and especially when, most of the time, I'd run into one of my friends who'd want to stick their dick in my ass.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There weren't too many things that was more exciting than to be sucking on a guy's dick and knowing that at some point, he was going to shoot his stuff into your mouth and more exciting to hear him say that he was gonna do it - then those warm, often salty, spurts of jizz would fly into your mouth and swallowing it, well, it just seemed to make sense. Then to let go of him, lie down, and watch him doing the same thing to you until that good feeling turned into that scary good feeling - and being swallowed up in the mind-numbing feelings as your dick pumped your stuff into his mouth.

And then the joy of knowing that this was only the beginning of being together. Unless there was some reason not to fuck - and sometimes there was, I couldn't wait to feel the other guy's dick making my butthole hurt in that weird but good way as he stuck it in me and started fucking me and, yes - still making those silly fuck noises and making it hard for me not to burst out laughing. So comfortable and I'd feel so warm and dreamy as I waited - and sometimes impatiently - for him to shoot his stuff in my hiney, feeling his dick twitching and jerking inside me as he shot his stuff... then feeling kinda sad when he was done and pulled out - but the sadness would quickly be replaced by two things: One was it was now my turn to do it to him and the other was that he'd be doing it to me again in a little while. Oh... was a "nasty" joy to feel a guy fucking me for a second time and feeling his dick slide effortlessly into me because I'd still have his first load of jizz in me and that squishy sound I could hear and feel was sheer joy.

Playing "games" like seeing how many times we could make each other shoot before we couldn't do it anymore and, depending on the guy I was with, I could look forward to sucking his dick and getting him to shoot his stuff in my mouth at least three or four times before he either couldn't do it again or he got impatient and wanted his turn to see how many times he could make me shoot. Sometimes, it was a tie... but the whole purpose of the game wasn't winning or losing: It was sucking on each other's dicks, making them shoot, and swallowing down all that jizz; eh, sometimes, I'd pay for it later with either an upset stomach or having the runs but it was worth it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I know a lot about being a bi guy... but the joy of it, for me, was [I]learning[/I] how to be one. There were some... things I had to get over and, mostly, that weird sense that I was the only guy who liked sex with other guys and it's still kinda embarrassing for me to remember that there was no way I could have been the only one like that since me and the fellas were having sex like it was gonna be declared illegal any minute now.

Oh, that's right: It was illegal! It was a joy to be able and sit and talk to other guys who, yeah, were just like me; we'd compare notes, as it were, to talk about what we liked, what we were learning not to like so much and, of course, which of the guys we really liked doing it with and which guys weren't really our favorites. Then, um, after spending some time doing that, our dicks would be painfully hard and we'd need to do something about that.

The biggest joy for myself - and a lot of the fellas - was sucking dick. It didn't take us long to figure out that we could pretty much do that anywhere. Fucking, while very nice, too, didn't always lend itself to something that could be done anywhere but our young, imaginative, and creative minds would manage to pull it off even if it meant taking the risk of getting caught in the act; you'd think that would deter things from happening and for some guys, it did - but for the most part, the thought of getting caught was thrilling and it made doing whatever we were doing much more exciting.

And that was before all of us eventually got around to shooting sperm. Before that, oh, man - we could literally spend hours sucking on each other's dicks, getting that "good feeling" for a moment, then keeping it going until we literally tired ourselves out. The same for fucking; we might not have been shooting sperm but whether we were the one doing the fucking or the one being fucked, that good feeling would show up and it would, well, feel so good and because our dicks would remain nice and hard, it just made sense to keep going until, again, we'd just get tired.

Just heavenly to have a guy lying on top of you, his hard dick buried in your butt and being in a dream-like state as he'd thrust in and out you and making those silly fuck sounds that would often make most of us giggle and sigh with great happiness... and once we all started shooting sperm - the baby-making stuff - it just got better.[/SIZE][/FONT]

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