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I was skyping with a friend and showing my first level of my house to him. The art on my wall caught his attention and in particular a painting by my friend Robbert. The piece is called L'Ange (angel).

I met Robbert more than twenty years ago. I was curating an exhibition examining the social issues as the decade turned. AID's was one of the issues identified along with other social issues. I was doing studio visits in a different city. The "Call" went out nationally and the exhibition toured nationally. The project that I co curated took five years of my life.

I did a studio visit with Robbert in Windsor, ON. We went out and he told me of his interesting life. He was a poet and then died on the operating table. He told me how he floated above and could see himself as well as the doctors working on his body. He saw the tunnel leading to a light. He partially entered the tunnel but returned to his body.

That event changed Robbert and even though he had not painted before, he began to paint. Robbert was a Quebecois Separatist. After a referendum to separate Quebec from Canada failed, he decided to go and live with the "enemy". ... Les Anglais. He worked for the CBC in Windsor, ON on the French station. Robbert became well known in the Windsor Arts community and public at large.

I felt an instant bond with Robbert. What I didn't recognize is that Robbert was probably hitting on me sexually. He was charming. He would smile or become animated over this cause or that.

I encouraged him to submit to the Call for the project. I could not guarantee that he would be accepted as I had a co curator.

Robbert's work was accepted. I admit that I pushed for his acceptance. The first opening was held in the city where I lived. Robbert came for the opening and stayed at my house. While we were out for dinner, he kept saying that "if he were alive". I finally asked him why he put those words in front of his statements about the future. He told me that he was HIV. This was during the era when the fear was so great that you might get HIV from a handshake. Robbert was given a disability pension and health benefits which was very generous of the CBC at the time.

I was stunned as I sat there in the restaurant. I told him of course he would live beyond five years. People were not though. I kept his status a secret. His art was not about HIV/AIDs but there were other works that dealt with AID's. Even to have an exhibition about AID's was controversial at the time. I did eventually tell my co curator. As two leftist leaning artist curators we presented an accepting facade. I let Robbert tell of his status when he wanted to.

Robbert wrote in a French art magazine about his discovery of his condition and how despondent he initially had become. He mailed me a copy of the article in the magazine. Through my attempt to translate there was no denying that my name was in the article. I had lifted his spirits when I called to tell him that his work was accepted. I had not known that he had just discovered his status a few days before my call. I was honoured that he had mentioned me in such a positive manner.

However, I did visit him back in Windsor and stayed at his apartment. I went to use the washroom. I was uncomfortable as I lifted the toilet seat to urinate. Would I get "it"? I showed no fear to Robbert fortunately. Robbert told me of friends who had walked away from him.

A few years later, Robbert went to live in Paris. I visited him there and stayed at his apartment in a building which was called Canada House (in French) and part of a university. I discovered that I was the only Anglophone and most Canadians living there were Quebecois radical separatists. Robbert told me to be a bit quiet but most accepted me staying there. Apparently, there was a "meeting" though about L'Anglais. (me) I used Robbert's apartment as a pit stop as I toured Europe for a few months. I returned several times. Robbert bought a berat and we would go each day to get bagget. I teased him about being a stereotype. He laughed. I saw the Japanese group Sanku Juku in a sub burb of Paris with Robbert. Robbert seemed fine health wise and happy. AID's smades...didn't matter.

When Robbert returned to Canada, he went to live in Toronto. He called me one day and invited me to an opening just one day ahead of the opening? The gallery owner had displayed his work in New York with great pride and a hefty price tag on his work. L'Ange was one of the works and it nearly sold. Back in Toronto, Robbert told the gallery owner of his HIV status. The gallery owner shunned him and made no publicity or even labels stating the price of his work. I felt anger at the gallery owner. How dare he treat Robbert that way. We went out for dinner afterwards. He felt down and I tried to console him.

I had seen L'Ange in Robbert's studio months before and liked the new work. We spoke of how it was made. We spoke about its symbolism. The floating shirt was Robbert's spirit. It floated over the burnt forest as he had floated over his body and the doctors when he first died. It is an environmental piece about the destruction of our environment but touched on the life and death issues that also were in his poetry and art.

A few months later we had planned to get together. When I dropped by his place, he was ill. He looked bad. Again, I had to use his toilet and I saw the remains of his vomiting and diarrhea. I felt unnerved again.

I spoke with Robbert and he told me that he was experiencing financial difficulty. He offered me L'Ange for much less than what it was for sale in New York. I wanted to help him and I bought the piece. I could barely afford it but I could afford it.

A year later, he asked me to take an image of the work as he was considering using it on the cover of a book of poetry that he was publishing. It ended up that another work from that series was on the cover. I bought the book of poetry and have it signed by Robbert. The brother of my painting is on the cover of the book.

Robbert decided to return to Quebec after the second referendum for separation was lost. He moved to Montreal. He was returning to Toronto for a reading of one of his latest books of poetry. I was looking forward to seeing him. By this time, he had lived twice as long as he expected to live. He called me and told me that his doctor decided it would be best that he not travel.

We said that we would keep in touch. We didn't.

Today, I googled him. I've wondered about him but lost email and phone numbers. Written on Wiki, in French, it states that he died April 8, 2008. That is about nineteen years since he told me that he wouldn't be here five years from that date.

I'm saddened. Maybe, I should feel shame for losing contact. I knew that his day would come. It is today for me but four years ago for Robbert.

I will try to upload L'Ange. It is not a good quality reproduction. Maybe, I will try to re shoot it later.

Bon Voyage mon ami. L'autre cote de la vie.

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Attached Images

• L'Ange by R. Fortin .jpg (62.1 KB, 92 views)

I remember the first time i joined this site....... naughty-slave-girl.... or nsg for short.....I was a normal 18yr old bisexual girl.... flirty, lonely ya know.....
The Threads and Chat were awesome... Caring and Chatty peeps. was like a family in the chat room.... found myself enjoying it more n more..... look at me now im 25years old and with only one name change to your ever loving gleekybabe to show how much id growen up.... im still coming back....
Over the last... maybe 3 years maybe 4.....i have been coming here less n less..... Belle (Love you hun) was wonderful enough to keep me informed and updated on our late UsedBear, *Love to you daddybear* One Bisite Bro of mine has been the bomb!!!!! Buggered if i knwo what his site name is these days,
But Donovan Bro Luvs to you! He has kept in informed via facebook for a few years now.... Even caught me up with Violetpetal and Warmhearted 2 ladies i adore! I started coming back into the site as a 2012 new year resolution, so i can try catch up with peeps like... Peg, Belle, Showme, Jazzy, Chooky, allbimyself *allbi* everyone i remember from when i first joined.... Hockey girl is one... and OF COURSE My dear Mumma Kate! How much that woman has changed my outlook in life and other things. Thank you mumma kate for been there for me and everyone else over the years. one lovely chicky i have somewhat kept upwith, she is on my facebook, is Creach, love that chicky!!!! mistymockingbird, im throwing out these names because these are people who i used to talk to and wish like hell were still around to talk to more often, i miss everyone, the one i have to admit that i really miss besides Showmeguy is Texas its been so long i cant remember how to spell his full site name... he was my in chat hubby and i loved him alot, such a wonderful man, i havnt spoken to him in years.... i suddenly as im writing remember so many people...CMM..... Kitten and Taz, got married after i had joined, the photos i remember were quite beautiful. ... Scorpio9 (think that was the spelling) I Can still remember our in chat dance we had, and i think i might still have it saved on my pc..... everyone i remember were sooo loving and caring, and helpful to others. omg my dear dear Lady D i could never forget her! and that brings me to BB another name i remember........ i think out of everyone thus far mentioned i have only seen maybe 5 or 6 online....... Arana and Micheal another two i remember..... these are the people that i wonder how they are where they are will i ever see again, my family, and when i posted a thread recently wondering where the 'oldies" were these are the people i was/am thinking of. not saying that you newbies (to me) i wont like or dont like or anything, jsut i miss everyone i chatted to almost daily, and who have made there sneaky way into a part of my heart where they will live forever as they have made there mark in my life.....

Maybe one day..... New to site people will get the help and support and friends just like i have, and hopefully with the friends will become a family... to me this site isnt just about sex, sexuality, politics, and stuffs, to ME its about been yourself, making friends, seeking help, helping others, been a community family!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drew has done very well, and i really like the new set up... Xoxoxoxox Drew.

Thank you all for taken a moment to have a read... i really had to get it off my chest.... because i love this site and i dont want it to lose what i remember it having, Love and caring, and family..

BTW Ya'll remember my Avatars i used to make? i do! i wonder but i doubt that thread is even still around, and i have to admit, i see a few still have them as there pic, thank you means so much to me to see my work still used MWAH to all... maybe i will start that up again... maybe....

My first Blog entry..
Your one and only Gleekybabe!
*Hugs and love and kisses*

PS: funny how when you start to say something simple it becomes HUGE!!! and when you think of one person a WHOLE ALOT more are remembered.


Update: OMG My tag thread is still there!!!!!!!! AND OMG so many peeps i havnt seen or heard about or anything in like forever... my ex girlfriend Confused4life! wow! and jsut soo many others, Smurfy! Honeypot! Mrs F and Flounder! and before he kicks my butt i luv ya VoidDweller (Bro) hmmm i wonder if my old family tree is still in that thread! *goes n checks and if is saves to pc and puts on profile*


Updated some more....

I Find i keep coming back to my blog and re reading it.... funny how that happens, i think i do it to rejog my memories... wonderful memories too of course.

Hi guys,

I can't help but contrast the site now with the archives I read from as recently as four years ago. Back then people came here for help and received warm, caring replies not very long after posting. Now, we have threads where people come for help and they have many, many views with few replies. The replies they do receive are most of the time just derogatory towards the poster. How dare someone look through her husband's files, how dare she question her bi mate? How dare he wonder about what his wife will think about his wanting to sleep with another male? How dare... they dare because they need help. They have questions, they have concerns and they turn to a place that is normally full of individuals who can help, who can understand what they are going through.

I would love to see the site back to what it was, but sadly that probably won't happen. The members who cared enough to take the time to craft a warm and welcoming and informative reply have left the site as it became more a place to discuss politics and less a place to discuss life and the realities of dealing with being bisexual or having a bisexual partner.

So please when you see a thread, even if you think it's been asked countless times before... remember for that person, it's their first time and they need help every bit as much as the first person to post it. Let's help not hinder. Many here have unique perspectives regarding their life as bisexuals and their interaction with partners who are not bisexual. Many here are partners of bisexuals and have insight into how it affects their lives and what parts of their thinking needed to be expanded to deal with their bisexual mate.
:2cents:

.....

I have been holding off on writing a post for a long while. To me "Bisexual" is too loose a term. I fit within the category, but I don't wear a banner proudly. For the most part it helps get people past the initial shock of realising the kind of person I am, but for relationships (friendships, dating, or family) it doesn't really quantify anything. I have been thinking long and hard about how to describe how I feel deep down inside. What makes my sexuality what it is. Yes, there is sex, as there is in most healthy relationships, but that doesn't define the relationship. Yes, I see the world differently and in a small way almost shamelessly, but that doesn't mean I am, myself, shameless. I have even pushed myself to my sexual boundaries and come back feeling better for having done so, but it doesn't mean I want to always push those boundaries. My past has things I am not proud of and even things that still worry me when it comes to my sexuality and how I went about figuring things out, but it also has times that I am particularly fond of, which most people would consider "weird".

I have been lost. Which is easy being amongst a highly diverse group of people known as "bisexuals". There is no compass in our society in which to find your bearings both moral and for our own well being. (If there is, I haven't found it yet) It is a lonely place to be, surrounded by people who share some semblance of commonality but almost all of us are drifters. Lost in a current of confusion.

I, for the past couple years, have cemented myself in a "normal" kind of relationship... me with a woman who expects me to be a genuine "MAN'S MAN", the end result is that I am unhappy. It always seems like I am willing to accept people for who they are regardless of politics, race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation, but very few people understand who I am... care... or will even consider accepting me.

I am the guy who wants to be in a loving relationship, no matter who it is that I find it with. THERE! I SAID IT!

Even with all my quirks, my mistakes, and my need to communicate about how I feel on a regular basis to keep me anchored... I really don't see why I keep falling for the same shame spiral, SOMEONE ELSE telling me that I should be ashamed or that I need to change... I have done nothing wrong or harmful that has actually effected someone else who wasn't a mutual partner.

So why is it so hard for people to understand that we are adults now. We can make our own decisions even if they are technically unusual or awkward decisions, in the grand scheme of things, isn't everyone taking the same risk? Happiness shouldn't be so elusive to so many.

I am part of a lgbt group that own and run businesses in the top of the south island..... tho I do more computer tech work and charity work than running a LGBT orientated business, I am more of a majority share holder as I have ample access to financing

between us, we own and run cruise bars, hostels, backpacker / B &B etc.... and currently we are looking very seriously at buying the local bar that the LGBT use, something that would be good in my eyes... as it would make it a more secure and permanent place for the LGBT to meet

trouble is where I live, is a town of about 50k people and there is no way in hell that we can have sexuality only nights as there is simply not the numbers needed to cover the costs.... tho I can understand the desire for bi and gay / les only nights..... however there is the numbers to support a trans / crossdresser night.... and thats a night where any person regardless of sexuality can come dressed up as the opposite gender and they get discounted drinks........

that has caused a issue.... as arguments like females can dress as a male and appear normal but males can only dress as ladies and how do we define between crossdressing and normal dress..... well my attitude is WE DON'T, we do a discounted drink policy if the person is wearing ANY visible item of opposite sex clothing and that covers females wearing jeans......

I will be the majority shareholder so what I say, will go, not that I like running any business that way, I perfer equal input as money should not equal more of a voice......and a $ 10k sharesholder has as much of a voice as a $1 mill dollar share holder in my eyes

part of my proposal is that part of the bars profit goes to support a local LGBT youth group and give them a secure, safe location to meet, and get advice and support...... the opposition there is that its the wrong look for a bar to be supporting youth..... never mind the fact that the profits will be channeled into a trust that will run the LGBT youth support group, not the bar directly.....as the LGBT youth do not really have a * home * of their own

another part of my proposal is that we have a zero discrimination policy, we are LGBTHIGQCSSUA etc inclusive.... or lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, hetero, intersexed, gender queer, cross dresser, sexuality undefined, allies etc.... you could be a alien from mars that has sexual relations with fence posts and you are welcome ..... but no, there is once again opposition to be so inclusive of non lgbt people..... and this shit is going on with the LGBT community for gods sakes......

it is so frustrating that the majority of the support is coming from the heterosexual community and is no where near as opinionated and judgmental as the LGBT community that we are trying to include and support...... yet there is constant cries about equality and equal treatment and anti discrimination......

if I was to withdraw my backing, about 7 businesses would collapse trying to buy me out, as they lack the financing to buy my share of the businesses.....and I am not interested in seeing any businesses go under, specially LGBT businesses as they are a valuable and important part of the community.........

as one of my friends put it " never has so much been bitched about by so few when so little is done by so many when they want so much "

[CENTER][SIZE=4][FONT=century gothic]Akiko

When it was over, Akiko was gone.
Hardly surprising.
I feel so tired.

Our argument took place in my private garden,
patterened after the Zen Gardens of Kyoto.
It was a place of transcendent beauty,
and tranquility...
...but no longer.

My garden has been wreaked,
it's patterns broken,
order turned to chaos,
the story of my life.

No matter how hard I ...

Iam going to be in the des moines area 4ishtill 11ish tonight & want to hook up! i will check back on line to see if anyone is intrested! leave a way 4 me to contact you.&lets have some fun!couples a plus!!!!:wiggle2: