[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I loved him, loved having sex with him; I had to get used to him pouncing on me at any given moment and sucking my dick and just because he was so in love with me. I've written that getting him to fuck me was like pulling teeth without anesthetic; he made it clear that in this relationship, he was the girl and I wasn't feeling that because when you're in love, it's supposed to be shared and, in this, I wanted and needed him to fuck me... because I loved him. Truth be told, I kinda hated myself because I imposed my will upon him and made him fuck me even after he said that he understood why I felt the way I did. He insisted that he was inept at it... but every time he slid his beautiful cock into me, yeah, well, he wasn't as inept as he implied. He just didn't like fucking me and I eventually realized the mistake I had made with him and told him that if he really didn't want to fuck me, he didn't have to. Oh, he'd have a moment here and there where he did want to fuck me and he'd fuck me with all the love and tenderness he could bring to bear but we settled into the routine that he'd be the one to be fucked because it was what made him the happiest. Sometimes, being in love means making sacrifices even when it's another guy you're so madly in love with. He was riding me one night and, out of the blue, said, "It's a shame I can't have your babies; they'd be beyond beautiful." It was an odd sentiment but one that, strangely, I understood - yeah, love can be like that, too. As I wrote, he experienced sex with a woman for the first time in his life and I think it shocked him that he really did enjoy the gift my wife had given him (and with our joint permission, of course). He said, "Now I understand why you love her so much and, wow, she's pretty good at sucking cock, huh?" She had told me that despite his protests, he wasn't a slouch at eating pussy and she did like the way his dick felt inside her. And while that didn't exactly bring the three of us closer together, it made him and I a hell of a lot closer and in ways I still can't explain to this very day and I think it was due to him learning things I'd always taken for granted as well as learning something new about himself as well.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"Yeah, I did notice that," I said, still fucking into him like I had all the time in the world. "Your dick is perfect, from the way it looks to the way it feels in my mouth." "Is it big enough?" he asked. "I stopped caring about such things a long time ago," I said, smiling down at him - and still thrusting into him. "You've got a big dick - but I'm sure you knew that," he said. "Some guys make me look small," I said with a shrug. "Well, you're bigger than any other guy I've been with," he said - and I knew he wasn't just saying it; he was being truthful. "God... you're making it hurt so good!" I stopped fucking him and asked him if I was really hurting him - because for the first time in my life, I didn't want my dick in a male ass to cause any undue pain. "No, silly - you're not really hurting me... but there's no question about whether you're in me or not," he said and planting a kiss on my nose. "I want to stay like this forever." "I know," I said but kept fucking him until I finally came. It was intense... but not really; it was... comfortable and like how you can have sex with the same person over a long period of time comfortable. It feels wonderful, lights up your soul and all that but with none of that... posturing? I can't think of a word to describe how perfectly normal it felt to fuck him even though - and I guess technically - it was just the second time I came inside him. That's what love can do; it's so different when it's just not about lust or having that edgy need to bust a nut; it's not about having to prove yourself to each other in any way and, importantly, it wasn't a matter of the sex being good, bad, or indifferent because when you're in love, the only thing that really matters is being able to make love to, with, and for each other.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I'm watching myself fuck him... and he's watching me fuck him... and one of us moaned in a way that sent chills through me - and I'm not totally sure that I wasn't the one who moaned. I fell once more into his embrace, fucking my dick into him and kissing him deeply until we both felt my cock swell inside him - and I came. Oh, god... did I ever cum! It felt like I was pumping gallons of spunk into his ass and that I wasn't going to stop pumping it into him. We clung to each other, my cock fully buried in his ass, neither of us moving and just being in that moment... and it was so unlike any other time I'd spent myself in another guy's ass... because I loved him so much. I started to withdraw but he said, "No... stay inside me - don't take it out yet." Well, I wasn't sure how I was gonna manage that since I was softening already and expecting his body to evict me on its own but, somehow, he was able to keep me inside him - and, frankly, I was pretty damned impressed. So we laid there, still joined together, verbally confessing our love to and for each other, kissing with a tenderness I'd never known with any other guy... and I'll be damned if I didn't feel my cock starting to get hard inside him again. I started moving against him and he smiled and that smile said so many things to me and, amazingly to me, I was quickly hard enough to fuck him without falling out of him. "I didn't know you had this in you," he said, letting his quirky sense of humor out a little. "Neither did I," I said. "But I do have it in you, it seems." "Oh, yes, indeed, you most certainly do," he quipped. To me, it seemed to take forever to fuck him again. It was slow, tender, not really what I'd call urgent and I'd even go as far to say that we were both very much into the moment... but detached from it since, um, we were actually having a conversation that began with him saying, "Your cock fits perfectly inside me; in my mouth and my ass - isn't that weird?"[/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I can't fully articulate what it was like to fuck him for the first time. The next day was filled with us talking about the events of the night before - and with the wife and kids gone for the day - repeating those events since, uh, it's hard to talk about being in love and that first sexual moment without dicks getting hard and being in need of getting soft again... and it was just as magnificent as it had been not eight hours before. After getting each other off, we just kinda sat there, staring and even laughing over things. I couldn't seem to get enough of looking into his eyes - they were so pretty - and after a seriously deep kiss, he had a question:[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]"Are you going to fuck me?"[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I am still amazed at how I answered him: "Do you want me to?" Yes, I know - kinda silly because I knew that it had to happen, that just sucking each other's brains out wasn't going to "officially consummate" our newly found love for each other and even as I asked such a silly question, I could feel my cock starting to harden even though I had just filled his mouth with cum.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]"I think you have do so, yes - I just don't want you to - I need you too," he said, his eyes once more brimming with unshed tears.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]"Come on, then," I said, standing up and taking him by the hand and leading him to the bed he was sleeping in (since circumstances demanded he live with us - but I'll explain that some other time). We got fully undressed and I fell onto him, kissing him deeply and letting my mouth and tongue explore the whole of his body; I loved the way he clung to me, the way he moaned, the way his body was responding to my exploration... and I was only mildly surprised to find him very erect again and I took him once more into my mouth - and brought the full power of my lust to the party to make him cum again.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I was now on full autopilot, a predator about to dispatch the "helpless" prey lying before me; I stared into his eyes - those pretty green eyes - and I could see the anticipation and even some fear as I got between his legs, lifted them, and positioned my hardness against the opening of his ass... and pushed. As I pushed into him, that part of my mind that always pays attention to things noted that, um, I didn't even think about getting something to lube us both up with and even as this very important omission hit my mind, I was fully into him already and I do remember thinking that I had never ever, shoved my cock into a guy's ass with such ease - or very many pussies, for that matter.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]He gasped; I gasped and looked into his eyes for any signs of distress - and there was no sign of him being in great pain at all.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]"My god... you feel so good in me," he whispered. "Fuck me, please fuck me..."[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I leaned forward and locked my lips onto his... and fucked him. His legs were wrapped around me, his body was feverishly hot and trembling and he was clinging to me like no one had ever clung to me before. At one point, he let go of me so I could reposition myself and we both looked down to where our bodies were joined - and it was electric and made us both gasp. He was "mayonnaise pale" and the contrast of our skins was startling; it wasn't like I'd never seen my cock buried inside someone before and someone who was white... but this, this was so very different and for reasons I can't being to explain.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I watched him sucking my dick, marveled at how flushed his face was, the intensity being displayed upon his face; I saw the love he had for me and, yes, saw the tears streaming down his face once more. Lord knows how many people had sucked my dick and in the many ways they'd done it... but none of those times came close to the first time this man sucked my dick. He was holding back and I reached down, wiped a tear away and said to him, "Just go with it - follow your heart and let things take care of themselves." He moaned a response and began sucking me in earnest and I had to admit that he was, in fact, sucking my cock better than my wife - who was an expert at sucking me. I stopped thinking and just laid there, giving myself over to the moment, fucking gently into his mouth, relishing the feel of his still trembling hand fondling my nuts and I came and it was so intense a feeling. I was dimly aware of the way he moaned when he felt my cock expand in his mouth, kinda heard the sound increase as I shot into his mouth, felt his tears on my skin as he gently but urgently sucked the sperm out of me and, again, like no one had ever done before. When he finally released me and sat up, he smiled at me and I kissed him again, tasting my own spunk on his lips and tongue, feeling the feverish heat of his body as we embraced each other and I thought, "This shit is insane - I'm in love with another guy!" I didn't want to leave him; I wanted to just lay there with him, but I couldn't; I now needed to have a conversation with my wife about what just happened and I did - and the fact that she knew before I did that he was in love with me and that she thought that - and the fact that we'd just finished blowing each other - was "cute." She also said, "Just go with it." So I did. After we talked, my wife and I made love and, strangely, it was one of the best moments of having sex with each other ever.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I released him (even though I didn't want to); I stared into his very green eyes, leaned forward, and kissed him deeply - and shocking the shit out of myself. I'd kissed guys before and learned, as many women do, that some guys are just lousy kissers... but that first kiss was tender, vulnerable, everything one would ever want in a kiss and I didn't want to stop kissing him... but I did and said, "Does that answer your question?" Between his release and because caught up in the emotions of the moment, all he could do was nod, tears streaming down his face and in that moment, I confirmed that I was very much in love with him. I wiped the tears from his face gently and said, "It's okay - it's gonna be okay..." and he said two things. The first was, "I know that now..." and the second was, "I have to taste you." I stood up long enough to step out of my pants and underwear, freeing the erection that was making its presence painfully known; I was looking at him as if this was the first time I'd ever laid eyes on him so I saw the look on his face when his eyes travelled down to my erection; I saw his pupils dilate, saw his lips part and I just knew, without knowing how I knew, that his reaction wasn't just one borne out of lust. I laid down beside him, gently and tenderly pulled his head to me and kissed him again; I could feel his whole body trembling and when he reached down to fondle me, I felt... giddy to feel how much his hand was shaking. The kiss broke and he sat up - then leaned over me - and took me into his mouth... and the moan that escaped from him still sends chills through me just remembering how it sounded. He gave the head of my dick a kiss, then a lick... then swallowed me whole until I could feel his kinda pointy nose pressing into my pubic bone. Then he started to suck me with a purpose and I could tell he was fighting with himself to both "rush" into this while taking his time to make sure we both were really going to enjoy this.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]In my life, I've had a lot of sex with both men and women. Discovering sex with men was... exciting. Scary. Kinda confusing in the face of being told that boys don't have sex with boys and how evil and nasty it was - then finding out that it really isn't. Between the ages of 9 and 16, I probably sucked more dick and got fucked than most women have in the entirety of their lives. But what continues to stand out in my mind was being in love with an effeminate gay man and how being in love with him put sex with men in a very different light for me. If you had seen him, there wasn't anything really remarkable about him other than his bright red hair, green eyes, and freckles. An observant person could literally take one look at him and tell that he was both gay and effeminate but not overly demonstrative or flashy - he was just being who he was. Smart, great sense of humor and possessed of a depth of passion for life that, unless you knew him, you'd never be aware of. A bit of an introvert but he didn't care what other people had to say about him but a man with a deep and great need to love and be loved which, really, wasn't all that different from any other guy you might run across. Sex with him was... amazing. Eye-opening. Educational. Sometimes maddeningly frustrating. The night we sat down and talked about his feelings for me - and after some subterfuge on his part prior to this - was shocking even for me; having a man tell you that he's very much in love with you is one hell of a wakeup call but when we got to the part of the conversation about what should be done, for me, the answer was pretty easy. I exposed his cock - and it was absolutely beautiful and coming from someone who had seen so many dicks that I was no longer impressed by them but as I freed it from his underwear, I instantly acknowledged that his cock was... perfect. I went down on him because it was the only possible answer since it didn't take me long to recognize and accept that I did, in fact, love him, too. It was magic; tender; highly erotic to have him in my mouth, savoring the taste and feel of him, listening to him moaning and not in that "I'm having my dick sucked" way but, at the same time, disturbing because he was also crying; later, I realized that it was because he was more than happy to have confessed his love and it didn't get rejected. As I sucked him, I also realized that I'd never felt so... alive before doing something I'd done to so many other men. This was different and I knew it even if I didn't yet understand how and why it was different. When he came in my mouth, ah, it was so sweet and there was a lot of it to sample and to feel and hear him caught up in his release warmed my heart in ways I really didn't think was possible.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The therapist's reaction to my sharing this with him was precious; he laughed for a whole five minutes before he was able to congratulate me for being able to explain it better than he'd ever heard anyone explain it, especially the part where I had told her that when I had the need to suck a dick, she doesn't have one. "There is that," he had said - and still working hard not to start laughing again. The biggest thing I took away from that whole experience was asking him if he thought I was really all fucked up in the head and in great denial about it. "No, I don't think so," he had said. "You've... had some experiences and the kind that a lot of people won't admit to and, yes, tends to - how did you put it? - get them all fucked up in the head. But I don't see that in you and, frankly, I'm impressed at how comfortable you are in your own skin about things." And I am comfortable... because to be uncomfortable about it doesn't make any sense to me, that and if I weren't comfortable, I'd probably really and truly be all fucked up in the head so for me, the choices were simple: Be comfortable with it all... or be all fucked up in the head about it... and being comfortable just works better. I can't change any of it and I wouldn't if I could and while I could be like other people I knew of with similar histories, I was - and continue to be - very determined not to let all my rule breaking fuck with my head; I'm not gonna start hating on myself or life itself over something I learned was, in fact, pretty normal if not highly immoral since I'm not the only person who ever lived to experience such an introduction to sex. It can destroy a lot of people... and it didn't destroy me or otherwise make me crazy in that sense. I am what I am; I've done what I've done and, yep, some of it was pretty spectacular and as I've often thought and felt, embarrasses the shit out of me... but I still can't change it - I can only accept that it was what it was and continues to be what it is. I am a well-adjusted bisexual male and I think I still have the paperwork that says I am... but I knew that already.[/SIZE][/FONT]
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