just found out my bf is bi..please help!!!!!!

[nibbaby]

Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we've lived together for about 1 1/2 now.. we went out friday night. his bestfriend, himself & I. got really drunk.. and I suggested to go to a gay bar because I like gay people & they are fun..

long story short.. his bestfriend caught Brad, (my boyfriend) getting head in the stall from a drag queen..

Brad denies it.. but his best friend saw it & I talked to the gay guy & he admitted to doing it.

I've always had questions about Brad being gay, everyone has, I just thought he was feminine because he grew up without a dad.

Brad is saying his best friend didnt see anything & the gay guy is lying. I don't believe any of this.. & brad tells me hes not going to chase me because he knows he didnt do it.

Im hurt. can't eat, sleep or laugh. I'm a zombie. Brad is in so much denial & I've given him every opportunity to tell me the truth & that I would talk it out with him & we would be ok. but he won't tell me the truth.

He's letting me walk out of his life because he won't admit the truth. I'm so hurt & I don't know what to do. Please help me

[biplayfulcouple]

you obviously love him and you have been very rational and fair, so far.

heres a path forward: you and brads "so called" best friend, need to tell brad that you love him and accept him, unconditionally, despite is his preferences or curiosity.

end of story

[indio]

When you wrote" talk it out with him and we would be O.K." what exactly did you mean? That if he admitted to having sex with the drag queen / that he is gay/ that he is bisexual? One blow job from a guy does not make him gay/bi. If so every vice cop in every metropolitan city in the world would be gay or at least bisexual.
What you seem to be ignoring is that he is being totally dishonest with you and more importantly , with himself. What if he admits to being bi? Would you continue your relationship with him knowing that he would be having sex with men? He is now. When will you admit to yourself that you are being manipulated into being a victim. If you like it, then proceed. No relationship that is built on such falsehoods will last.

If you are o.k with him having sex with men and with you too, you have 3choices- continue as it is-confront him and tell him that you know, but you are willing to go along with his charade, or dump him for being a liar on all fronts.

[TwylaTwobits]

Okay you suggested you all go to a gay bar because you felt comfortable there. I'm gonna assume alcohol was served and you all imbibed.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions and as has been posted, one blow job from a drag queen does not make your boyfriend bi, gay or anything other than someone who may or may not have gotten a blowjob.

Now you have been with him for 2 years, you say you suspected he was gay. Some things don't add up, did you take him to that bar to get your suspicions proven correct? Is the best friend lying? Or is Brad just a man caught in a bad situation and anything he does now he's fucked? He did it, and cheated on you regardless of with what gender, or he didn't do it and the best friend has other issues with him and chose to drive a wedge between you two.

You need to talk to Brad and let him know that no matter what you care for him, but do not press him to admit he's bi, gay or anything at this point in time. Resolve what actually happened or walk. Those are the two choices I see at this time.

[jeannie_TG]

I've always had questions about Brad being gay, everyone has, I just thought he was feminine because he grew up without a dad.

is it possible that your boyfriend was way too drunk to see straight (no pun intended) or even to remember what happened? you said you all got really drunk. so, just how drunk did each of you get?

also, i may be wrong about this... but it seems you and the friend only took him to a gay bar to verify your suspicions and get him to admit it and now you want advice on how to get him to confess.

again, i may be wrong about that.

[Karasel]

Ok, from what you said I see one of three things that can be going on here.

1) Brad drank too much and let a drag queen give him head because he was hammered. In that case, no harm done. In his beer goggles he could have seen a hot chick and not a man wearing a dress.

2) He likes men and is afraid to tell anyone because he's afraid that he is going to be rejected by you and his friends, thus losing everything.

3) You're friend is making stuff up.
-----

But since you said that you have been suspecting this for a while now, # 2 seems more likely. What I would do, since your boyfriend is getting very defensive is sit him down, have a calm chat with him. Say that you are not judging him, you care for him and love him very much. And that you will be there for him no matter what. He may feel comfortable enough to let down his guard and tell you what is really been going on with him. If you feel that the answer he gives you a bit BS, just keep working him, he'll talk eventually.

[eddy10]

Your profile says you are a male. Yet, your writings here seem to indicate you are female. Which is it?

Obviously, someone is lying. Maybe his friend set this up to pull him away from you. Or, maybe your bf is lying. Unless you are absolutely, positively sure your bf is telling the truth, if I were in your shoes, I would just walk away from the whole situation. Life is too short to get caught up in such tangles.

[Giggles100]

Your profile says you are a male. Yet, your writings here seem to indicate you are female. Which is it?

Obviously, someone is lying. Maybe his friend set this up to pull him away from you. Or, maybe your bf is lying. Unless you are absolutely, positively sure your bf is telling the truth, if I were in your shoes, I would just walk away from the whole situation. Life is too short to get caught up in such tangles.

That's because it's a troll dredging up the age old stereotype ie: Wife catches her husband cheating with another guy.............:rolleyes:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

If you didnt see it with your own two eyes, then dont believe it. And, just because this happened you are willing to walk out of his life just as easy as that? If ya'll were drunk then it could have just happened, it doesnt mean Brad is gay/bi, ect, and if he was/is bi, then what's the prob? A person is who they Are. Woulkd he just walk away from You if the situation was reversed and he had heard stuff about you?

If you love the man, talk to him, dont just listen to the words of others. Could be that he was so sloshed that he doesnt remember anything, and if thats the case, you may never get to the bottom of things..no pun intended.
If I were you I wouldnt believe anything unless you Saw it, or until you got the word from Brad's mouth in person.
Good luck to you all..
Cat

[fredtyg]

I do find it odd that his best friend came running right to you to tell on Brad. Strange behavior for a supposed best friend.

[FalconAngel]

Your profile says you are a male. Yet, your writings here seem to indicate you are female. Which is it?

Obviously, someone is lying. Maybe his friend set this up to pull him away from you. Or, maybe your bf is lying. Unless you are absolutely, positively sure your bf is telling the truth, if I were in your shoes, I would just walk away from the whole situation. Life is too short to get caught up in such tangles.

Like Giggles pointed out, it could be a troll trying to bait us. Let's examine the evidence ( going Columbo here).

1. Blank profile claims person posting is male.

2. Posts that boyfriend might be interested in guys.

3. Male posting that boyfriend may be interested in guys? Sounds like that should not be a problem?

Possibilities:

1. Poster is concerned that his boyfriend is cheating on him, but cannot write it in a way that is clear. Not uncommon.

2. Poster is another idiot troll trying to jerk us around again.

3. Poster is a codependent "fag-hag", ala "Will and Grace".

Perhaps, if we want to get to the truth, nibbaby should clarify those inconsistencies for us, in a way that un-muddies the water and doesn't come off as back-peddalling to hide the facts.

Nibbaby, if you want people to believe that you are not in the troll category, then you have some explaining to do in order to get good answers and gain our trust. Otherwise, people will do what they do to those they suspect of being trolls.

After a few dozen times, we have learned to smell out those who have proven to be trolls and developed a healthy suspicion towards those with inconsistent stories and profiles.

Not trying to be a smartass, just explaining the way of the world on this site.

[nibbaby]

I am a GIRL. I didn't sit here & make time to create a full out profile. It said I had to register to make a thread. I just want help & have it fast. I'll go & change everything.. but Im 100% female.

And another thing.. is anyone forgetting that the gay guy admitted to doing it as well? Brad is begging for me back, but says nothing happened. I honestly think hes just too embarrassed to admit it

If he did admit it.. I don't know what I would do. Which is why I came here, for all your advice. I don't think I could forgive him if he did.. Im not against gays, but I don't want my man to be one. Which is why I wonder, could he have just been curious, & done it, then found out he didnt want to be bi? Just straight & that is why hes denying it??

[tenni]

nibbaby
You have stated that you and others suspected that Brad was gay. You have stated that you don't want a boyfriend who is gay or bi. I think that your answer is in these two thoughts.

Why do you think that his best friend told you rather than work it out with Brad? That seems strange. You may want to resolve that mystery before deciding about Brad.

However, take a bit of time to decide if you might want to continue with Brad with the understanding that he is at least bi. If so, try to open up with him and begin a more honest dialogue. He has lost his best friend over this. He may be afraid that he will lose you too. He may be too scared to disclose right now.

Bottom line, is what you believe is best for you.





I am a GIRL. I didn't sit here & make time to create a full out profile. It said I had to register to make a thread. I just want help & have it fast. I'll go & change everything.. but Im 100% female.

And another thing.. is anyone forgetting that the gay guy admitted to doing it as well? Brad is begging for me back, but says nothing happened. I honestly think hes just too embarrassed to admit it

If he did admit it.. I don't know what I would do. Which is why I came here, for all your advice. I don't think I could forgive him if he did.. Im not against gays, but I don't want my man to be one. Which is why I wonder, could he have just been curious, & done it, then found out he didnt want to be bi? Just straight & that is why hes denying it??

[Long Duck Dong]

Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we've lived together for about 1 1/2 now.. we went out friday night. his bestfriend, himself & I. got really drunk.. and I suggested to go to a gay bar because I like gay people & they are fun..

long story short.. his bestfriend caught Brad, (my boyfriend) getting head in the stall from a drag queen..

Brad denies it.. but his best friend saw it & I talked to the gay guy & he admitted to doing it.

I've always had questions about Brad being gay, everyone has, I just thought he was feminine because he grew up without a dad.

Brad is saying his best friend didnt see anything & the gay guy is lying. I don't believe any of this.. & brad tells me hes not going to chase me because he knows he didnt do it.

Im hurt. can't eat, sleep or laugh. I'm a zombie. Brad is in so much denial & I've given him every opportunity to tell me the truth & that I would talk it out with him & we would be ok. but he won't tell me the truth.

He's letting me walk out of his life because he won't admit the truth. I'm so hurt & I don't know what to do. Please help me

do not force him or the issue.....

in your eyes, you are doing the right thing... making the offer to talk it out.... and thats a good thing..... but its ignoring the fact that maybe he feels so disgusted by it, that he can not admit it to himself, let alone you

now the fact that he is letting you walk away, is hurting you.... but you seek the truth so you can decide if you walk away anyway......
he stands to lose either way.....

you both need to be honest .... not about that night... but the strength of your relationship and how much of a relationship it is.... cos its clear you both love each other..... and care about each other.... but if your relationship can not stand the result of a drunken encounter and a mistake.... then my dear... you never had a relationship in the first place....

if you value your relationship and your partner, love him and give him the space to come to terms with the issue.... then he may come clean with you .... as its what you would ask of your partners......

[Brian]

Just because your intoxicated straight boyfriend accepted a blowjob in a gay bar does not make him gay. Homosexuality is when a man is attracted to other men. Your boyfriend has not demonstrated an attraction to men, he has demonstrated only an attraction to receiving a blowjob.

[rissababynta]

Rock on Drew

[fredtyg]

Just because your intoxicated straight boyfriend accepted a blowjob in a gay bar does not make him gay. Homosexuality is when a man is attracted to other men. Your boyfriend has not demonstrated an attraction to men, he has demonstrated only an attraction to receiving a blowjob.

Well, maybe. Still, a lot of guys, myself included, got rid of inhibitions using alcohol and did things they were afraid to do when we're sober. I'd say it shows he at least leans toward gay or bi to some extent, especially if he's done it before or ends up doing it again. Of course, we have no way of knowing if he's done it before.

I'm just speaking of personal experience as I'd often get drunk and go homo in my late teens and early twenties and be all embarrassed about what I'd done the next day. It took years for me to finally realize I'm homo and accept that I really enjoy sex with other guys.

[still_shy]

Just because your intoxicated straight boyfriend accepted a blowjob in a gay bar does not make him gay. Homosexuality is when a man is attracted to other men. Your boyfriend has not demonstrated an attraction to men, he has demonstrated only an attraction to receiving a blowjob.

My sentiments exactly!

[chub-bi]

How would you feel if you all went to a straight bar and he got his cock sucked by a woman in the bathroom?

[nibbaby]

I would rather it have been with a girl.. atleast I can accept that. & process it a lot easier. The gay guy told me Brad was hard as soon as he pulled it out, bc I asked if Brad tried to say no to it. I've tried to call Brad & tell him I wouldn't judge him if he did do it, that he could & should confide in me & I would be right by his side to get through this together like I have always been..

He still wants to shut me out. He says how much he "fucking loves me with all his heart" and wants me to come back.. but swears he did nothing. He says he won't admit to something he didn't do.. BUT his best friend SAW it AND the gay guy admitted to doing it.

Brad has a BAD history of lying.. about everything. So I don't believe him.. but he won't help me & my mental issues about this go away. I've been nice & tried not talking to him.. but he'll always txt me, NEVER CALL, & say how much he wants me back & he didnt do anything. I don't know what to do.

I love him & miss him so damn much.. but I can't move on & get clarity about this until he tells me the truth. No matter how much I want to.. I can't just forget about something when I know Brad won't tell me the truth

[nibbaby]

The gay guy also admitted to making out with him.. so no, Brad didn't just accept a blow job.. he made out with a male, & that turned him on.. so obvs hes bi

[purplespider]

Okay...here is the story so far...man apparently got head from a cross dresser..whilst drunk..and supposedly is a chronic liar..

Now as a girlfriend..who supposedly LOVES her bf with all of her heart..and he supposedly loves you with all of his heart..love is unconditonal. If the man says he didnt do it..then ...leave it alone...

coming out bisexual or coming out period is not an easy journey...being male and coming out is an even harder mission. Now the guy has you and possible judgements..hanging over his head...will he admit it? not now...he has been living with you for how long??? if he was thinking about it...or whatever i think he would have said by now. And frankly ..one blowjob does not make for a gay guy btw!!!

Let it go..there wont BE any closure on this one...you just have to take his word and let it go....

And why is this suddenly the be all end all?? the dude was drunk at a gay bar...even if he is gay..cant you just let him tell you when and if he wants to tell you..all this pressure to come clean would scare the crap outta me! and im not even there!..my best friend just ratted me out and my gf is hounding me about my gayness! None of this is helping the guy deal with anything except RUN!!!!!!! his first instinct...give him space and say...LOOK its in the past..move forward...whatever..i love you and i want to be with you...


WOW people..its not rocket science!!!

[rissababynta]

It's not the sex act or wanting to get blown it's the fact that he has an attraction to men since the person giving him a blowjob is a man.

If he really were heterosexual or straight even if he were very drunk he wouldn't have gone and had sex with another man like he did even if the man was dressed up as a woman as it's easy to tell if someone is a drag queen.

Alcohol just lowers your inhibitions and he did have an attraction to men and kept it a secret from his girlfriend but he just had to get drunk to act on this attraction to men so he's at least bisexual.

Umm, I've gotten really drunk before and had sex with someone I was so not attracted to and never would have done anything with while being sober. The next morning and many days after was filled with self disgust after that one. I think depending on the severity of the intoxication, it does more than just lower inhibition.

[darkeyes]

Umm, I've gotten really drunk before and had sex with someone I was so not attracted to and never would have done anything with while being sober. The next morning and many days after was filled with self disgust after that one. I think depending on the severity of the intoxication, it does more than just lower inhibition.

The wakenin up 'side 'em in mornin wenyas sobered up don haff makeya wonna shoot off 2 loo for a gud boak a disgust huh Ris?:eek: An the worst a them ya jus wonna shoot....:tong:

TF these days r long gone....:tong::bigrin:

[rissababynta]

The wakenin up 'side 'em in mornin wenyas sobered up don haff makeya wonna shoot off 2 loo for a gud boak a disgust huh Ris?:eek: An the worst a them ya jus wonna shoot....:tong:

TF these days r long gone....:tong::bigrin:

Let's just say, I have not even gotten buzzed since haha.

[rissababynta]

You're attracted to both men and women.

It's not like booze or alcohol somehow changes someone's sexual orientation when they are bombed.

Like you don't see gay men getting very drunk and making out and having sex with women and likewise if a guy's straight no matter how drunk he is he's not going to go out and have sex with another man.

There's the factor of someone being drunk and forced to do sexual acts that they do not want to do at all, but based on what the nibbaby wrote this did not happen at all.

Actually, plenty of people have sex with people they are not attracted to when drunk, whether it be a man or a woman.

[rissababynta]

They might not be attracted to that specific person but they are attracted to that sex or gender of the person who they're having sex with while drunk.

Some people use the whole "But I was drunk!!!!" excuse as a way to cover up the fact that they are bisexual or homosexual and it sounds like the original poster's boyfriend is doing this based on what she has told us.

Well, in college I majored in psychology and minored in behavioral analysis so, you are welcome to believe how you wish but I'll stick with what I know and not dwell upon this one any further.

[jeannie_TG]

Brad has a BAD history of lying.. about everything. So I don't believe him..

so, your bf is untrustworthy and you have no trust in him. what kind of a relationship is that?

seems to me the two of you have deeper issues to deal with then just whether or not he got a BJ from "drag queen".

[Billys_gurl]

I mean no offense, and am not saying ANYTHING against anyone here about their integrity. In so saying, I know ALOT of drag queens in my local bar, and there are a few who will bold face lie to you about EVERYTHING. I mean, you can know its a lie and they will STILL tell you its the *gospel* truth! So, you may also have a case of: his friend wants him, the queen wanted him, and they both told you what THEY wanted you to hear.

AND I notice in the beginning you were willing to talk it out and stay but later you say you couldn't stay with him if he were bi. Sounds like you wanted out anyway. You need to think long and hard about this. Do you love him as much as you say? Do you REALLY want to work this out with him?

I am sorry if I sound somewhat mean, or bitchy even. Its not right to suddenly throw a double standard into the mix. You either want to work it out, or not be with a bi. IF he's gay he wouldn't want you anyway.

[nibbaby]

It also needs to be understood that I've never been in this situation before.. I don't know what the hell I want or what I'm thinking. I can't think straight.. I'm confused. Do I love him? Yes.. but still, its cheating. I want to be able to work things out..but I say this now, not knowing the truth from his mouth. Sure, everything will change if he admits it, how will I react? Can't tell you until its been done.

I'm a mess.. and Brad says he'll talk to me but won't admit anything he hasn't done. His best friend wouldn't lie on what he saw.. the gay guy, maybe, i don't know him, but I do believe his friend..

I just want to go back home & kiss & hug brad.. but I can't do that knowing he did this.. and won't help my state of mind to cope with what he's done

[Long Duck Dong]

It also needs to be understood that I've never been in this situation before.. I don't know what the hell I want or what I'm thinking. I can't think straight.. I'm confused. Do I love him? Yes.. but still, its cheating. I want to be able to work things out..but I say this now, not knowing the truth from his mouth. Sure, everything will change if he admits it, how will I react? Can't tell you until its been done.

I'm a mess.. and Brad says he'll talk to me but won't admit anything he hasn't done. His best friend wouldn't lie on what he saw.. the gay guy, maybe, i don't know him, but I do believe his friend..

I just want to go back home & kiss & hug brad.. but I can't do that knowing he did this.. and won't help my state of mind to cope with what he's done


you love him thats your issue..... if you didn't, you could just walk away

you have a 2 year relationship.... thats valuable to you.... its hard to throw away things that are valuable to you...

you are now trying to reconcile what is important to you and what you care about, with your principals..... and that is the conflict.....


I will be honest, most people will lie for a number of reasons.... in relationships
not to hurt their partners etc.... but cos often they can not deal with a situation or can not handle conflict in the relationship.....
and they are trying to get to a point where they can communicate without it causing issues for them or their partner

this can range from *white* lies about being late to full scale lies about history, actions, etc etc

now you say that brad has a history of lying..... only you know what about.... and on what level the lying is......

now can you say that you have never lied in a relationship for any reason ???


since you can not compromise with yourself and you can not resolve the conflict in yourself..... walk the middle ground.....

hug him, kiss him, tell him you love him.... then take a break from each other for a week or so.... and clear your head and heart..... then relook at the relationship and each other....

[tenni]

"but I can't move on & get clarity about this until he tells me the truth. No matter how much I want to.. I can't just forget about something when I know Brad won't tell me the truth"

I think that there are more reasons why his best friend would turn him in and tell you this story than you seem willing to seek out. I suspect that this best friend has his reasons for telling you this whether it is true or not. It is quite out of the norm for a male best friend to tell his buddy's girlfriend something like this. It is in the code of men not to do so against a best friend. A best friend might give him shit and end the friendship but not tell the guy's girlfriend unless he has something to gain from it. The best friend may be a big homophobe. He may want in your pants himself or he is really angry with Brad over something that you nor Brad are factoring in to his behaviour. You have not sought out why this friend told you. What the best friend said, could be all lies with a proper motivation. You may not have the 'truth" from this best friend.

As far as the truth is concerned, you are pinning your hopes on this but it will probably bring you no further to closure. If he tells you that it is true, you are still left deciding whether you want to continue in a relationship with Brad. If he has told you the truth and this did not happen, it seems that you will not believe him. You no longer trust Brad and I suspect that you never will trust him. That seems like the ender in a relationship for you.

I am inclined to agree that a drunk man may accept a bj from a drag queen. The fact that it is a drag queen may even make it easier and more enticing to a bi curious man. Many younger guys today explore same sex because it is much more open. They may turn away from it and not get involved again. However, some of those who do turn away will revisit it in their 40's.

I agree with LDD that you probably need to separate yourself from Brad for as long as a month. It will be very hard for you to do this though as you seem to want to know a truth that you already believe.

[FalconAngel]

If the guy lies about everything, then his sexuality is the absolute least of your relationship's problems.

Anyone that lies about everything can never be trusted. This is a relationship that is doomed without honesty on both your parts, so if you are honest and he is not, then walk away.

We all deserve better than having a liar in our lives. I speak from very painful experience in that area.

[Billys_gurl]

I think that there are more reasons why his best friend would turn him in and tell you this story than you seem willing to seek out. I suspect that this best friend has his reasons for telling you this whether it is true or not. It is quite out of the norm for a male best friend to tell his buddy's girlfriend something like this. It is in the code of men not to do so against a best friend. A best friend might give him shit and end the friendship but not tell the guy's girlfriend unless he has something to gain from it. The best friend may be a big homophobe. He may want in your pants himself or he is really angry with Brad over something that you nor Brad are factoring in to his behaviour. You have not sought out why this friend told you. What the best friend said, could be all lies with a proper motivation. You may not have the 'truth" from this best friend.

That was also a point I wanted to make. The best bud sounds like a dog to me. He may have a need to split you guys up. It may have nothing to do with him wanting either of you. He may not like you and this is his way of getting his buddy back. Girls have done, you can't deny it.

[BLCHGK777]

Okay the guy was drunk you said. from what I have seen when people are drunk they see horribly. So imagine if there is someone in front of him that looks like woman sort of without being intoxicated. Then think about how clear his eyesight might be when he's totally smashed. His friend said he saw them kissing. Well here's something I have heard from people I know who have gotten extremely drunk "Things sometimes look even blurrier when they are right in your face". That is probably what happened. Then imagine him still thinking it's a woman and he's still smashed and this person offers him a blow job. If the guy is super drunk do you think he is thinking straight and is going to say "No thanks I have a girlfriend in the bar". I doubt it. So the guys brain is probably in a haze from the booze and is getting a blow job from who he thinks is a woman. Now after he sobered up he probably realized he didn't get a blow job from a woman but from a "drag queen" (put in quotations because I don't like the term but I am using what was said). So guy wants to forget when all of a sudden his girlfriend is questioning him on it. Now I don't know about you but a lot of people would rather lie there asses off before confessing to something as crazy as this. Also I find it odd how his friend was there to witness the making out and blow job.

Sorry if my scenario is strange, unbelievable , and totally off kilter to you.

Also you say you have no problem with gay people and you love him but if he is gay (probably not gay but bisexual because he has an attraction to you) you are going to end it? And over his friend's words? If you don't trust your boyfriend that much then this relationship has a bad foundation to begin with and this seems like it is cracking through the thin ice. I think instead of avoiding him you both need to talk it out because ignoring him is getting both of you nowhere.

I wish you the best on this.

[Angel1980]

Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we've lived together for about 1 1/2 now.. we went out friday night. his bestfriend, himself & I. got really drunk.. and I suggested to go to a gay bar because I like gay people & they are fun..

long story short.. his bestfriend caught Brad, (my boyfriend) getting head in the stall from a drag queen..

Brad denies it.. but his best friend saw it & I talked to the gay guy & he admitted to doing it.

I've always had questions about Brad being gay, everyone has, I just thought he was feminine because he grew up without a dad.

Brad is saying his best friend didnt see anything & the gay guy is lying. I don't believe any of this.. & brad tells me hes not going to chase me because he knows he didnt do it.

Im hurt. can't eat, sleep or laugh. I'm a zombie. Brad is in so much denial & I've given him every opportunity to tell me the truth & that I would talk it out with him & we would be ok. but he won't tell me the truth.

He's letting me walk out of his life because he won't admit the truth. I'm so hurt & I don't know what to do. Please help me

well girl i am Bi and my man is Straight And I have been like thiis my whole life .. I can tell you one thing there is more fish in the sea .If he is gay theres nothing you can do about it , you can't change him because i know my man can't change me and i am bi .. Just hang in there girl it will be fine you will find some one and he will treat you right and will tell the truth . There are good men out there just keep your head held high . Don't worry be happy ...

[biinterested]

you are bi and he is ok with it, as long as he's sticking with you let him be whatever he wants to according to his definition.

[Realist]

BLCHGK777,

That was a very plausible scenario! You have a good analitical mind and I hope you're able to put that to use in the future!

It's been a long time since I was so inebriated that I'd loose my inhibitions, but there were times when that has happened. His adventure can lead to a change for the better, or more of the same. Only love and understanding, with some modification of behavior, can overcome this issue....from both of the people involved.

The biggest thing about this situation is the possibility of getting some "BUG" from the stranger and then sharing it with his GF! That's even worse than his indiscretion.

[nibbaby]

Well, I've tried talking to him.. giving him space, everything. If I don't talk to him.. he'll msg me, and when I start to talk to him, he'll either turn into an asshole, OR ask me to come talk to him.

So when he asks me to talk to him, I leave my moms & drive 70 miles to our apt.. and when I get there, he trys to blame this whole situation on me, saying I'm not the victim, he is, he wants to work things out but knows I'll hold it over his head. I told him I wouldnt hold it over his head, I told him I want to start out brand new, new me & new him, that we could go to councilng , and he says he will, BUT he knows I'll hold it over his head.. & he just keeps repeating that.. I told him I swear I wouldn't & that I love him so much I just want to be with him.. Now, I've driven 70 miles EVERY night since saturday to talk, and it never turns into anything good, just him leaving & me sitting there heart broken & crying.

I don't know why he's pushing me away when I'm giving him support, telling him I love him no matter what, and I do want to be with him. He told me he would meet me at our apt last night, so I drove up.. sure enough, he came up with an excuse not to come..& when I tried to call, he wouldn't answer.. he would txt tho. When I asked him why he didnt come, he said " I didn't exactly say I would come".. YES HE DID!!! He says he needs time alone to be angry.. he wants to work things out, but he needs time....

Does he not take what I'm going through in consideration at ALL?? He needs to realize this goes 2 ways.. and I'm hurting as well.. but I don't want to sleep another night without him.. I had to find him at his grandparents house last night, and I begged him to come back to the apt with me to talk LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD... and he wouldn't.. I'm all out of energy now.. I tried.. and I didn't even do anything wrong. Why should I chase him, when hes being the asshole????

[BLCHGK777]

BLCHGK777,

That was a very plausible scenario! You have a good analitical mind and I hope you're able to put that to use in the future!

It's been a long time since I was so inebriated that I'd loose my inhibitions, but there were times when that has happened. His adventure can lead to a change for the better, or more of the same. Only love and understanding, with some modification of behavior, can overcome this issue....from both of the people involved.

The biggest thing about this situation is the possibility of getting some "BUG" from the stranger and then sharing it with his GF! That's even worse than his indiscretion.

Thank you and I hope for the both of them that no "BUGS" were given. That might make the situation even messier. :eek:

[BLCHGK777]

Well, I've tried talking to him.. giving him space, everything. If I don't talk to him.. he'll msg me, and when I start to talk to him, he'll either turn into an asshole, OR ask me to come talk to him.

So when he asks me to talk to him, I leave my moms & drive 70 miles to our apt.. and when I get there, he trys to blame this whole situation on me, saying I'm not the victim, he is, he wants to work things out but knows I'll hold it over his head. I told him I wouldnt hold it over his head, I told him I want to start out brand new, new me & new him, that we could go to councilng , and he says he will, BUT he knows I'll hold it over his head.. & he just keeps repeating that.. I told him I swear I wouldn't & that I love him so much I just want to be with him.. Now, I've driven 70 miles EVERY night since saturday to talk, and it never turns into anything good, just him leaving & me sitting there heart broken & crying.

I don't know why he's pushing me away when I'm giving him support, telling him I love him no matter what, and I do want to be with him. He told me he would meet me at our apt last night, so I drove up.. sure enough, he came up with an excuse not to come..& when I tried to call, he wouldn't answer.. he would txt tho. When I asked him why he didnt come, he said " I didn't exactly say I would come".. YES HE DID!!! He says he needs time alone to be angry.. he wants to work things out, but he needs time....

Does he not take what I'm going through in consideration at ALL?? He needs to realize this goes 2 ways.. and I'm hurting as well.. but I don't want to sleep another night without him.. I had to find him at his grandparents house last night, and I begged him to come back to the apt with me to talk LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD... and he wouldn't.. I'm all out of energy now.. I tried.. and I didn't even do anything wrong. Why should I chase him, when hes being the asshole????

Well from what you have just posted sounds to me like you have basically tried all you can. If he doesn't have the decent attitude to meet you half way in fixing this then why make yourself cry over and over again. He seems to have a major ego and somehow this "injured" it and now he is mad and taking it out on you. Gay, bisexual or straight if he can't at least be a respectful adult about the situation and wants to point fingers then I think it's about time you let the relationship go. There is only so much a person can do and you are killing yourself to meet his needs when he just wants an escape goat for his issues. Don't beat yourself up over this (and don't waste your time and your gas) and move on with your life. I know you are trying to salvage this 2 year relationship but once there is no talking, no trust, and no working together to whether through tough times like this it's basically an empty relationship. Plus it is causing too much emotional, physical probably, and mental damage then there is necessary on your part. Like I said (somewhere in this paragraph) there is only so much of the burden from this situation you can carry. If he doesn't feel the need to meet you half way then he doesn't seem to want it fixed. But this is just my :2cents: and it all comes down to how strongly you feels on salvaging this relationship.

I wish you the best on this.