I'm OUT Now!! Are you?

[Iowabiguy]

When I first came to this site I didn't know how powerfully important it would be for me. I initially expressed my reluctance to out myself to more than a very few people. I learned here that most of you (it seems) are not only out to your partner but to others as well.
I now have a red ribbon (AIDs awareness) in my car window. No one has commented on it yet at work.
The most important news is that I outed myself at the Unitarian Church I attend by telling my story of being bisexual in a workshop put on by the GLBT group. Over 50 people attended and I was pretty nervous at first but now that it is over (and I got positive feedback) I feel as if there is only one huge obstacle and that is to tell my brothers I am bisexual. My sister already knows.
The more that I come back here the more I am empowered to be myself. I know that it would not be wise for me to come out in my blue-colored job but why would I anyway?!?!
The honesty and trust benefits of telling my partner that I am bisexual far outweighed any fears I had. With the additional support of my church community I believe that I MAY be ready to start shouting "BI PRIDE" from the tree tops.
Does anyone else have similiar feelings about this site? Have any of you been inspired to come out because of connecting with people here? Are there others who feel that honesty with your partner with regards to your sexuality is a MUST?

[runwildtonight]

AM I out? well for the most part no. Only a handfull of people in my life know. A good friend who is also bi, a female friend I accidentlly told when I got drunk once at her house, my not real sister but have always thought of her as, a couple gay friends, and my girlfriend. So as much as I sometimes wish that everyone knew so that I could just relax and be myself everywhere I am not ready and everyone isnt ready for me to tell them either. I plan to tell them all eventually, Ill start with my friends first, then my younger brother then older then my parents. After that there is the extended family back home, at which point Ill let my parents tell them as Its to far for me to say hey I know your on the other side of the world but by the way im bi.

As of whether partners should know, I do believe its a must. The sooner the better. I told my current gf before we started going out just when we were becoming friends. It has caused some troubles and has been the cause of us being closer and happier as a result. And if you hide it and things end up going long term you will just keep making it harder to tell them later. Dont want to tell them 20 years into a marriage, its easier to not hide it. :bibounce:

[smurf111978]

Hi IowaBiGuy

Congratulations on your coming out I'm really pleased for you. I have told a couple of friends I was Bi a few months back but only truly come ut a couple weeks ago when I told my Parents which went very well. Like you I feel much happier about being Bi now and alot of my doubts and concerns have gone, I guess keeping it secret from the ones I love was one of the major things that was stressing me out and making me feel bad. I also know for certain if it wasnt for my close and special friends on here (they know who they are ;) ) I would never have come out and still be stressing very much about being Bi. I hope to be going to my first gay bar/club at the weekend (all being well) with some friends and my cuz who as yet dont know I'm Bi. I plan to tell my cuz but not sure about friends, I think I'll tell if asked however I dont intend to goto great lengths to hide my Bi side.

I wish you all the best with coming out to your brothers and hope all your dreams come true.

Best wishes
Smurfie
xxooxx
:bibounce: :bigrin: ;) :male: :flag2: :flag4: :flag3: :rainbow: :color: :three: :bipride: :flag1: :love1:

[jo69guy]

I myself am out to a limited number of people, including my immediate family, and a few close friends. Outting myself at work would be a really bad idea. My ex-wife is outting me to pretty much everyone she can. :2cents: :bipride:

[Azrael]

With my friends and people I love yes. At work (AC Installer) I live in constant fear. Same with my fiancee and her work. I'm tempted to get the hell out of the trades but I know there are others like me. For the most part noone questions my sexuality cause I'm getting married. Either that or they're too busy giving me crap about being a Satanic Death-Metalhead

[PeterH]

Does anyone else have similiar feelings about this site? Have any of you been inspired to come out because of connecting with people here? Are there others who feel that honesty with your partner with regards to your sexuality is a MUST?
Hi Iowabiguy (and everyone else), to answer your question, , yes, I feel exactly the same as you do. During a brief relationship with a girl, I found out that yes, it is important to be out to one's partner. Loving someone means wanting to know and be known fully. How could one stay silent? I told her at one stage that i wished that she was bi (which she wasn't) and when she asked why, I told her 'because I think I am.' She was the first one I ever told. Telling her might have speeded up the decline of that relationship, but I felt that she had a right to know, before she made a decision if she really wanted to spend her life with me.

After that, I kept silent about my identity for a long time. Then, I started hinting to some people that I might be bi, but hadn't really come to a definite conclusion yet. These people including friends at a student choir and my oldest sister and her family.
Then, last Friday, I outed myself to my mom last Friday, and would say that I am out now, though not everybody knows yet, e.g. my dad, other sister, some friends). The reason for this is that, after years of indecision, I have concluded and accepted that I'm bi, and that I want to lead a bi lifestyle.
That's mainly why I feel that telling my mom marks my coming out. I would never have told her if I had not decided two things: that I am definitely bi and equally important, that I want to lead a bi lifestyle.

It took me a long time to reach those decisions, because I don't want to lead a life that I'd feel guilty about. I am basically an oldfashioned guy, with old fashioned morals, and I needed to find something that suited me not only emotionally, but morally as well. And hurray, I've come up with something.
It's a bit of a long story about what lifestyle I want, so I won't post it here, but finding it was a very crucial step in my coming out. The other was to stop trying to explain away the feelings I continued to have about men.
So that, in short, is my story. Thank you for having read it.
If you have your stories to tell, I would be interested in reading them.
And to those of you who are still in the process, I wish you all the best,

PeterH

PS: I must say that I think this is a great site. I like it especially because it focuses on all aspects of bisexuality, not just, or mainly on the sexual aspects. I think I could start to feel at home here very quickly

[Lyon1369]

I actully did it backward from you.
I have been out to most people in my life for a few years. I have been open and honest with my wife, my mom, and my coworkers.
I actully came to this site to find some form of community and see if I could connect with someone else in my area.
Most people that I have run into here, are very much closeted, and there is really no unity or community to speak of.
Its very frustrating for me, since I am out and would like to hang with others.
I dont do the gay bar scene, Im not looking for crusing. I want a community.
So this site has provided me with some support and at least some people I can talk to and get to know, even if most of them are half way around the world.
I think its great that you came out. Congratulations.
Best wishes and best of luck.
Bi4now
Lyon

[Lorcan]

Most people that I have run into here, are very much closeted, and there is really no unity or community to speak of.
Its very frustrating for me, since I am out and would like to hang with others.
I dont do the gay bar scene, Im not looking for crusing. I want a community.

Bi4now
Lyon

I'm out. I'm here. And i want a community too.

[innaminka]

Of course the hardest person to come out to is yourself.
All the doubts, the maybes, the inner questioning of self and self-worth are the biggest obstacle.
I achieved that - not without anguish and a little support from the pharmecy - about a year after my first encounter.
I've never believed that being bi carries the same burden as being gay, where to maintain any relationship, you must, obviously, flaunt society's norms.
Being bi, to me means that I can love and have sexual relations with both sexes equally rewardingly.
Which I do.
But it also allows me to maintain a successful marriage and not carry the stigmata of "she's gay." - which regrettably happens to often regardless of the advancements in society's understandings in recent years.
My husband knows I am intimate with women, a few of my closest friends do, and i suspect my older daughter (14) knows I have been very close to a couple of female friends.
But that is probably the limit, and i really see no need to go further.
Maybe I'm hypocritical. I don't know, but its worked for me.

[rupertbare]

Yes!!!

But ONLY because my wife "outed" me!!!

It appears she had wanted to turn my children against me - but it kinda backfired and the older kids (who I hope are the only one's she told) were fine about - just another aspect to their Dad.

Before that I had "come out" to just a very few close friends.

Rupe, UK. :)

[Iowabiguy]

Rupert has a very valid point. People should be able to come out at whatever rate they feel comfortable. To be outed by someone can really be not only hurtful but manipulative.
When I began to come out more to people starting last Summer I was selective. On one occasion my girlfriend and I were talking to a couple of people after church and she mentioned something in conversation about my being bisexual, forgetting that I had not told the friends we were with yet about my bisexuality. She felt bad and apologized about it later when I reminded her that I was not out to some of those people. I, however, was lucky that I was in the place that I wanted to come out to more and more people. I forgave her easily and the circle of people who know that I am bi grew just a little bit.
This was not a bad situation for me. If she did this in front of one of my brothers...well...I don't think she would but it would certainly open a can of worms that I would have to deal with. Right now I am not prepared to tell them but if I was outed to them (which I have thought about alot) then perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as I think. With them I feel stuck.

[Driver 8]

On one occasion my girlfriend and I were talking to a couple of people after church and she mentioned something in conversation about my being bisexual, forgetting that I had not told the friends we were with yet about my bisexuality.
Once my car had broken down out-of-town while I was travelling with friends, and I called up someone I knew in town who was going to help me out. So my friends didn't know him, and he wasn't someone I was particularly close to.

Not only did one of my friends out me to my acquaintance - but she justified doing it, on the grounds that I should have been out to him anyway! And, to make it better, she herself was bisexual and a complete closet case - refused to write letters to the paper in support of GLBT issues for fear that someone somewhere might realize she liked girls, things like that! :rolleyes:

"Hey, Driver, go fight for our rights! I'll be right here at your side - well, right behind you - well, maybe a long way back, but I'm rooting for you!"

[random_chrissi]

omg...my ex fiancee told my mother that i was bi to get back at me...my mother was about to throw me out of the house...so i told her it wasnt true and that he was spreading lies about me because i had dumped him...i had to lie because to her me being bi is the worst thing in the world...she is the only person i have ever lied to about my sexuality...to anyone else who asks, "yeah i'm bisexual"...what has this world come to?

[OralBradley]

I am out to all who make a difference to me--my wife, children, close friends. About the rest, frankly I don't give a damn!!!

[meteast chick]

First off, congratulations to Iowabiguy and all of you others for being so brave.

I don't consider myself fully bisexual, because I have yet to have an actual "encounter", so thus far I consider myself bicurious, or even bi-amorous. I have told my husband, as most of you already know, with surprising results. Allthough he doesn't quite know what to make of it, he is trying his best to support me. I can't even put into words how important that was to me. My best friend and I have been separated by several hundred miles for years now, and even though we grew up together and expressed our interest in the same sex long ago, I told her straight out what I am. Surprisingly, she said allthough she considers herself straight, she has had several kissing counters already herself and was surprised this didn't come any sooner for me. She told me how proud she was that I am confronting it now. My mother is my hero, and prior to my husband and kids was the most important person in my life. I have come so close to telling her and have an overwhelming fear of disappointing her, but I do plan on telling her soon. I am proud of who and what I am, but I don't plan on forcing the pot to boil over by telling people who don't need to know.

[Biboz49]

When I first came to this site .....
Does anyone else have similar feelings about this site? Have any of you been inspired to come out because of connecting with people here? Are there others who feel that honesty with your partner with regards to your sexuality is a MUST?

I agree, Iowabiguy, this site has been a source of support and everyone in this site's community instills inspiration and pride in being bisexual. However I've always maintained the attitude of what’s the point of being out to everyone?


I'm out to my partner and she is very supportive. There’s no way I could live a secret life separate from my partner. What kind of relationship is that? I'm also out to a circle of friends that are in the lifestyle. This is because I'm upfront with these friends as it does have benefits ;) :bigrin:

I'm not out to my kids, my ex-wife, family, coworkers and friends who are not in the lifestyle. It's a personal choice by gut feeling not to tell my kids and family. I could be out to my mother and know she would be supportive as she’s always been for anything I do. But she is from another generation that just doesn't understand these things and so there’s no point. Being out to my ex-wife would only cause her to tell everyone including my kids and family, just because. There are coworkers that I could easily be out to but I've learned from past experience that when you tell one person at work something in confidence (supposedly) you might as well tell them all because they will all hear it eventually through the grapevine. Being out at work would only be harmful to my career.

So my point is be out to who ever you want and not out to those that could mean you harm. I'm comfortable with who I am and my sexuality and that’s that.

Also I strongly agree that being out to your partner should be priority. Your partner should be the first to know even if she (or he) is the only one who is to know. I was out to my partner since the start of our relationship and she has always been very supportive. She is even turning bi and loving it (whooohooo! talk about bonus!). It’s totally her decision to do so just because she likes to try everything once.

[Mimi]

i try to make it a point to come out. i'm almost out all the way, maybe 90%. i'm out to my immediate family, some extended family, all my friends, classmates, co-workers, supervisors, and lots of strangers through my educational work with panels and workshops.

since it was so hard for me to come to grips with my own sexuality, i don't want it to be as hard for others. that's why i believe in living honestly so that others will be able to as well. there are so many people who i've told that say, "wow, you're the first bi person i've met." this really shows me how invisible the bi community is.

of course, it is never easy. especially as the child of immigrant asian parents who are VERY traditional. i always think things through first. i have different ways of coming out, according to how open-minded i think the person is. and i think coming out as bi can be complicated because if someone sees you with a same-sex partner then they think you're gay and if you're with an opposite-sex partner then they think you're straight. and ironically, coming out to a gay/lesbian person is sometimes the hardest because then they think you've betrayed them in some way. so there's that tension to deal with, but i'd rather face the heat then go back in the closet.

mimi :flag3:

[BI BOYTOY]

hello thier yes im OUT have been for quite some time.although this site dose help alot.i have come out to everybody that needs to know,my parents dont know,my dad has made comments that lead me to beleve that he thingks im bi,but i have not push it,largly because i have a big masculine family and their like you now big man GRRRRR you now the tipe.and most emportantly my dad has a very bad haert condition.and my mom is a very religues woman,whom refures to us all gay and bi people as them people.so ill probably out myself to her when her coments make me mad enough.my wife knows she is also bi so that helps basicly the most imortant people in my life that are not hipocrites know.my sis and bro know boy that was a trip.talk about hipocrites.I FIRMLY BELEIVE THAT YOU MUST FIRST BE TRUE TO YOUR SELF ABOUT YOUR BINESS BEFORE YOU CAN BE TRUTHFULL TO OTHERS>SAME GOES WITH HAPPYNESS> :bigrin: :bigrin: :bipride: .i hope this helps.oh and bi the way i only knew a hand full of bi people before i discoverd this site or gay peuple for that mater.im pleasently suprised.

[SCbi-couple]

My husband and I are only out to gay friends and a few select others. Niether one of us is out to our families, with the exception of my sister. Strangely enough, some people at my job know I have had same sex experiences (I am a night shift nurse, discussions get pretty raw at 4am and we have had some discussions about our sexual experiences in general) but not really that I identify myself as bi.
My family is very supportive and open-minded, my husbands family is very NOT. If I was single and dating both sexes, I think it would be more important and easier for me to come out. However, being married it is very easy to pass as totally straight. My major issue with coming out to my family would be the questions regarding monogamy/infedelity. I think the fact of sexual involvement outside of our marriage would be a bigger issue for my family than bisexuality would be. We have young children so we have not had any experiences with other people in the past few years.