PDA

View Full Version : Vent



Laken
Jan 26, 2009, 10:49 PM
Some back story before I get into my rant: My uncle (fathers brother) is gay. He came out when I was about 12...so that was...9ish years ago. My grandparents are pretty religious, so of course they have issue with it. Over the years, they got a little better about it. I wouldn't say that they were accepting...but it was no longer an issue that was constantly brought up. My Mother NEVER acted like she had a problem with it. She was constantly going out with him and his gay friends. She never tried to hide the fact that he was gay from me.


Now, my uncle and his boyfriend are planning on getting married. Of course, they have to travel to Mass. to do this. They can't take all of their family and friends with them, so when they come back, they're having a reception for everyone to come and celebrate.


My uncle was on the phone with my Mom and somehow they got to talking about entertainment at the reception. My uncle jokingly said that they were going to have a drag show. My mother FLIPPED! She was saying how that was disrespectful to his family and he should think about the fact that there are going to be children there. (Meaning...my sister...who is 6.) He told her that he was only joking and that there really wasn't going to be any drag show...but she continued to rant and rave about how disrespectful he was being. She went on to say that she didn't want him "planting a huge wet one" on his boyfriend right in front of my sister. My uncle is pretty non-confrontational, so he just said "Well then maybe you should reevaluate if you want to bring her or not."

This pisses me off to no end. The drag show thing I can kinda understand (although I do think it's his reception and he should do whatever the hell he wants) but the kissing thing drives me CRAZY. My mom has told my sister that my uncle is gay. She knows that "he likes boys and not girls." My mother has absolutely NO issue with Keith and myself kissing in front of my sister....so if she's as accepting as she likes to pretend that she is, she shouldn't have a problem with them kissing either. I don't think it's right that she goes out with them and their friends acting like she has no issue with their orientation....but then turns around and does something like this. It just makes me wonder what she would tell my sister if she were to say that she had a crush on a girl. (Granted, I know she's young...but still.) Is she teaching her that it's okay for other people but not for her? Or that it's okay to be gay...but not in public? I want my sister to realize that it's perfectly okay to love whoever you happen to fall in love with. Regardless of whether that person is male or female. I think that it's things like this that continue the prejudice against homosexuals. She took the time to "tell" her. But not the time to "explain" it to her. Yeah, she told her...but at the same time she's sheltering her from it and acting like it's something wrong. UGH! It's just so frustrating.

I mean, heaven forbid my son is gay. Then what? It seriously makes me reevaluate the amount of time I want my mother spending with my child. I definitely don't want her projecting opinions like this onto my kid. (Not saying I won't let her spend ANY time with him...) My mom is quite domineering and controlling...and I just don't want my son to think that he's weird, or wrong, or that we won't love him as much if he decides to be with a man.

So, yeah. I'm pissed. lol. Thanks for listening!

lilbitsva
Jan 26, 2009, 10:58 PM
How can she do one thing and then not back herself up on it. I mean you are going to be either there or not. If you don't like what the person is doing just say that don't just act as thou you are going to be there. I agree with you this is his reception. If he wants a big cut out of him kiss his man in the entrance that is what he should get this is his big day and nothing should be taken away from that. If the six year old knows that he likes boys and that he kisses them then why is she having a problem with it. The little knows it. So what differnce is it going to make seeing it. There are going to be things in this life that she isn't going to want ya'll to see that you are going to see. What happens if your little sister grows up and decides that she wants to be will it not be okay for her to kiss at her reception. I think that your mother didn't like it from the get go. And didn't want to say anything. But now it's getting to her. And if that is the fact. She owes your uncle the truth. Maybe it's the best that she isnt' there. I hope that everything gets better. And don't worry about venting we all do it. lil bit

elian
Jan 26, 2009, 11:04 PM
Sounds like she may be venting at HIM, may be she has some latent feelings there that he was obviously not aware of. If it were my mother I would probably try to approach her privately and reassure her that I was making an honest commitment.

It's hard for me, as an independent third party to offer any useful comment.

eddy10
Jan 26, 2009, 11:10 PM
This is one of those "no-win" situations. You will not change her mind any day soon, if ever.
Your Uncle should follow his own heart and feelings and go from there. Let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully she my see the light some day. But, don't hold your breadth.

vittoria
Jan 27, 2009, 12:06 PM
Is she teaching her that it's okay for other people but not for her? Or that it's okay to be gay...but not in public?

Affirmative.

jem_is_bi
Jan 27, 2009, 3:17 PM
The attitude of my family is that they do not have a problem with others being gay provided it is not a member of their family. Of course, that is a problem for me.
However, I do not think it would be good for a relative to push a pro-gay rights sexual agenda on children in their extended family. Children should be taught respect for others without regard to their sexual orientation. Children should have knowledge of sex and the sexual orientation of close relatives, but not forced to agree or disagree with it. Rather, in my opinion, children should be allowed to develop their own sexuality without criticism or punishment for "wrong thinking".

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jan 27, 2009, 5:19 PM
I think it all goes back to their religion origins. Its because theres
Family" around. She likes the idea of a grand recieption, but not of people seeing the happy couple actually "Practising" their love in public. Somehow this is very hypocritical and wrong of her. Unless the event is in Her house, she has no say over what Unk does. If he chooses to lean over and give his spouse a kiss, BFD.(big fukn deal)
I know many people would be appauled, but hey, look where your at..hell-o!! Your at the recieption of two gay men who just got married, and if you are shocked and incinced,(sp) oh well.
I wish them the best of luck and you too, Honey.
Cat

frikidiki
Jan 28, 2009, 2:05 AM
What's the problem? In this day and age, kids are far more likely to see guys kiss guys, or girls kiss girls, in public or in some entertainment-related scenario, than ever before. It's better that she sees two men in a loving relationship kiss, than see it on TV, in porn, or in the Enquirer. Kids in this world suffer through war, famine, plague, prejudice, abuse, exploitation, neglect, and ravioli from a can. How could a gay kiss exchanged in love be worse than any of these?