Am I overreacting?? [Archive]

rissababynta

Jun 3, 2007, 2:04 PM

Yesterday, my husband ran out of cigs and a female friend of mine brought some over for him. He got very excited and was so happy and thankful that he went a little overboard and grabbed her by the face and kissed her. Now, we have an understanding that he can do anything he wants with another man and I can do whatever I want with another woman, but not the other way around. No sex, no flirty kind of touching, and no kissing. Now I understand that it was more friendly than anything and I'm not extremely pissed at him or anything, but I never in my life wanted to see his lips on another womans, especially my friends and now I can't get this picture of him kissing her out of my head, and I really don't like that image. Am I weird for feeling this way or do other people understand where I am coming from?

deletetacount123

Jun 3, 2007, 2:34 PM

Yesterday, my husband ran out of cigs and a female friend of mine brought some over for him. He got very excited and was so happy and thankful that he went a little overboard and grabbed her by the face and kissed her. Now, we have an understanding that he can do anything he wants with another man and I can do whatever I want with another woman, but not the other way around. No sex, no flirty kind of touching, and no kissing. Now I understand that it was more friendly than anything and I'm not extremely pissed at him or anything, but I never in my life wanted to see his lips on another womans, especially my friends and now I can't get this picture of him kissing her out of my head, and I really don't like that image. Am I weird for feeling this way or do other people understand where I am coming from?

Yes some people get carried away and not think about what they do when very excited (or angry)... they just do it.
But if its bothering you... YOU NEED TO TALK to him...
Since as far as you were concerned, the deal was he can do whatever with other men... and you can do whatever to other women... and NOT you/another man or him/another woman.

I think you should talk to him, say your not angry but the whole thing bothered you. Your not overreacting since you guys had an agreement and he went ahead and kissed another woman which was against what was agreed on. Would he be ok if you got excited and kissed one of his friends??

If you keep this to yourself, he might think it was ok... what did your friend do/say afterwards??
Sit him down, talk to him... dont let something like this bother you to the point you could start getting jealous at him and her over what was probably a "nothing to worry about" friend kiss.

He may not have known his actions bothered you.... so you need to be honest with him. If he does know, and is really sorry, then try to forget about it but let it be known you don't want him to do that again.
Maybe you can talk to your friend too that it bothered you.. even tho she wasn't aware it was gonna happen but still, its nice for friends to know how you feel even if they weren;t the ones that did it.
Remember, not everyones aware of thier actions when they get carried away from excitment.

Hope my advice helps :)

DiamondDog

Jun 3, 2007, 3:16 PM

Yes I think you're overreacting.

It's only a friendly kiss.

Why does everyone have to see everything as being sexual at all times?

I kiss friends as a greeting or saying goodbye.

Azrael

Jun 3, 2007, 3:24 PM

I gotta agree with DiamondDog. I do think you're blowing it out of proportion a tad.

NorthBiEast

Jun 3, 2007, 3:25 PM

I think that being bothered by it is a natural response, even if you aren't typically the jealous type. The best way to work through feelings of any variety is to talk about them. I'm sure your husband will understand, especially if you frame it in a "not about you, I know you were just fooling around" way. :2cents:

redheadhoneycat

Jun 3, 2007, 6:31 PM

Yes I think you are overreacting. Give the poor guy a break. Good luck. :flag3:

sexyboo

Jun 3, 2007, 6:57 PM

I dont think you're over reacting, i would be upset by that too, but i would agree with the people that said to talk about it.
It sounds like a complete accident, but u should let him know that u dont want a repeat performance.

Good luck
~Liz

P.s dont think theres anything wrong with being jealous every once in awhile, it happens to the best of us

Mrs.F

Jun 3, 2007, 6:57 PM

I also agree that it's normal for something like that to bother you since something like that has never happened before and obviously caught you very off guard........and I understand how it could bother you, in the past I've let things get to me also. I've grown as a person and I don't feel jealous anymore. Your husband loves you and do you really feel you should be jealous?? I think in the heat of the moment he was just excited to get his cigarettes and meant nothing by it. ;) But I would deffinately talk to him about it and let him know that it did bother you. Your only human!!

PolyLoveTriad

Jun 3, 2007, 7:10 PM

Youre prolly just reading or trying to read more into it than is needed. Lots of guys have female friends who they would kiss on the lips but its just a kiss of friendship :)

rissababynta

Jun 4, 2007, 12:03 AM

the thing is, this isn't a jealousy thing. i truly don't feel jealous, i just feel slightly betrayed in a silly kind of way. but i did talk to him after it happened and he got annoyed at me and told me that it wasn't a big deal and i think that made me more upset than anything because i know that it wouldn't make him feel very good if the situation were turned around and i was kissing one of his friends.

rissababynta

Jun 4, 2007, 12:11 AM

also, i do want to thank everyone who has commented or who will comment for their opinions and/or advice. it is greatly appreciated. :)

biwords

Jun 4, 2007, 12:28 AM

Another way of looking at it is to wait and see if it's a one-off or part of a pattern. If he knows you don't like it and does it again, there's a problem; not necessarily that he's unfaithful, but that he is unwilling to respect your wishes. If it's a one-off, it's probably not a big deal. Isn't there an old saying that 'every dog's entitled to one bite' - ?

rissababynta

Jun 4, 2007, 1:25 PM

really? cause when my neighbors dog bit a friend of mine one time he was put down :tongue:

arana

Jun 4, 2007, 2:43 PM

really? cause when my neighbors dog bit a friend of mine one time he was put down :tongue:
I haven't heard of many dogs that got a second chance unless it had bit it's owner and the owner knew it was an accident.

darkeyes

Jun 4, 2007, 3:17 PM

I haven't heard of many dogs that got a second chance unless it had bit it's owner and the owner knew it was an accident.
Me dads neighbours dog wos put down for takin a bite outa a guy who climbed ova his fence an wos nickin sum of his roses... question..wtf dus he think he wos ne way????

Sharpens Cleave...few practice swings.... an not for doggie eitha.... :bigrin:

flexuality

Jun 4, 2007, 8:01 PM

really? cause when my neighbors dog bit a friend of mine one time he was put down :tongue:

LOL!! You gonna have hubbie put down?? :bigrin:

anne27

Jun 4, 2007, 8:46 PM

LOL!! You gonna have hubbie put down?? :bigrin:

Maybe neutered? ;)

rissababynta

Jun 4, 2007, 9:14 PM

we have 2 kids. we were thinking about having him fixed anyway! :bigrin:

ohbimale

Jun 5, 2007, 1:27 AM

First it sounds like it was an innocent show of appreciation. So yes I would give him a break. If it happens again repeatedly then there may be an issue to talk over. I am curious though, how did a kiss in gratitude lead to a mutual agreement that either of you can do anything you want with a member of the same sex? And if there are feelings of jealousy over him kissing a friend, how will you feel if he does more than kiss another man? Something to think about.

I have greeted many friends - both sexes - with a hug and kiss. It is always non-sexual. Just a show of friendship and appreciation. And we often part company the same way. It is a warm way to greet and part with friends, where a handshake seems cold.

By the way I would not have him neutered for it. Maybe a good spanking is in order. LOL :three: :male: :male:

rissababynta

Jun 5, 2007, 1:37 AM

First it sounds like it was an innocent show of appreciation. So yes I would give him a break. If it happens again repeatedly then there may be an issue to talk over. I am curious though, how did a kiss in gratitude lead to a mutual agreement that either of you can do anything you want with a member of the same sex? And if there are feelings of jealousy over him kissing a friend, how will you feel if he does more than kiss another man? Something to think about.

I have greeted many friends - both sexes - with a hug and kiss. It is always non-sexual. Just a show of friendship and appreciation. And we often part company the same way. It is a warm way to greet and part with friends, where a handshake seems cold.

By the way I would not have him neutered for it. Maybe a good spanking is in order. LOL :three: :male: :male:

i have seen him do more than kiss another man and i'm fine with it...because it is a man. i am the only woman in his life and that is all that matters. and the agreement was made before the kiss happened. and for crying out loud it's NOT jealousy!

i have spoken to him yet again since it happened though and this time around he didn't act as aggrevated and actually told me that he wasn't thinking and it really wasn't appropriate of him to do. he said that he wouldn't like the idea of my lips touching another mans either so he understands how i could feel slightly betrayed. so, yay haha.

oh, and as for spanking, i think i already do that too much :-p

p.s. keep in mind people that this friend is MY friend...not his. so it is even less appropriate than if she was one of his friends as well.

BreeIsMe

Jun 5, 2007, 11:24 AM

I think you are leaving out important information...
What kind of a kiss was it?
lips to lips or just on the cheek, forehead, or ?
How long was it? was it just a one second kiss?
did she kiss back?
I am assuming from what you are saying that she didn't grab him and kiss back and this wasn't a "tongue" kiss so in that case:

I think you are over-reacting but I would tell him about your impression and that you know you are a little over-reacting but you don't want to see him do it again...

my :2cents:

rissababynta

Jun 5, 2007, 1:25 PM

who cares if it was a "tongue" kiss or not? it was still a kiss. and it was long enough to be disturbing and definitely lips on lips. i wasn't paying attention if she kissed back or not but, she is kind of slutty so i wouldn't doubt it lmao.

damit1963

Jun 5, 2007, 1:47 PM

I think it was an over reaction on both you and your husband. I can see him getting overjoyed for her helping with his habit, but something longer than a quick peck would be uncalled for. You say your not pissed at him, but you posted on here and appear to be a bit upset about it. Talk to him, tell him what upset you and why, but above all else get over it! If it happens again bust 'em both in the chops! LOL No, don't do that, but talk to him and tell him it upset you.

rissababynta

Jun 5, 2007, 1:50 PM

i posted that i already did talk to him. twice actually. and yes i was a bit upset but there is a difference between being upset and pissed.

biecnal

Jun 7, 2007, 12:13 AM

Yesterday, my husband ran out of cigs and a female friend of mine brought some over for him. He got very excited and was so happy and thankful that he went a little overboard and grabbed her by the face and kissed her. Now, we have an understanding that he can do anything he wants with another man and I can do whatever I want with another woman, but not the other way around. No sex, no flirty kind of touching, and no kissing. Now I understand that it was more friendly than anything and I'm not extremely pissed at him or anything, but I never in my life wanted to see his lips on another womans, especially my friends and now I can't get this picture of him kissing her out of my head, and I really don't like that image. Am I weird for feeling this way or do other people understand where I am coming from?

Jess and I are 100% open with each other. We both can kiss or do anything else we wish with whomever we wish. That being said, everyone is different about these types of things. Open communication with your husband is key here.

:-) Lance & Jess
:bibounce: