My wife and the pill - HELP please

[siraussietosser]

Ever since I met my girlfriend, well now wife, she has always had trouble with her pill (birth control), and never found one that worked properly. She is also on medication for her epilepsy which is one of the main reasons for her pill not working.

The problem is, she has finally found one that works quite well, but a side effect is that she has lost her sex drive, and is not interested in sex. Which is rough on both of us.

I never push her and never will, but she does feel bad for not saticifying me.

I dont want her to have to try and find another pill that works, so I was wondering if there are any (sex drugs) or some herbal remedy she can take to rev up her drive again.

It would be great to hear from anyone who may experience the same problem

I would like to think that I would never cheat on my wife, but if the drought last for the rest of our lives together I just dont know what may happen, and I really dont want to find a quicky behind her back, I want her to be able to enjoy sex and want it as much as I do. It has been 4 months now and although she supports my masturbation habit, I cant wank for ever. :(

[julie]

...i always struggled with taking contraceptive pills too.

...they caused weight gain, migraine, depression and, as you describe in the case of your wife, severe loss of libido.

...i wonder if although this latest pill has not caused any noticeable physical symptoms.... maybe it has cause your wife to become depressed and so lose her libido?

...depression is a very insidious illness and well documented side-effect of taking the pill. loss of libido is often a symptom of an underlying depressive illness. certainly, in my case, the one contraceptive pill that seemed to suit me did also trigger my first bout of major depressive illness.

...after many years of using condoms successfully as contraception, i tried to use a contraceptive coil impregnated with progesterone.. the idea being that the hormone would only be released locally so wouldn't have the systemic side-effects of the pill. This was a disaster :( and i ended up in a catatonic depressive state which was only resolved once the coil was removed.

...after this episode i recognised that contraceptive hormones, in whatever form, were just not for me.

...yes SAT the contraceptive pill may be 100% effective in preventing an unplanned pregnancy in your wifes case, but this is because it is affecting her mood so adversely that she abstains from sex. Hmm... not such a good solution after all, maybe?

...there are other forms of contraception. none as convenient as the pill or other hormonal solutions, but they do work and none of these will adversely affect her mood or interfere with her epilepsy meds.

i imagine this is the last thing you and your wife want to hear, but four months of celibacy due to loss of libido sounds like it could have some pretty devastating effects on your relationship if left unchecked. these side-effects wont go away until your wife stops taking the pills that are causing them.

i wish you both luck as you journey to find your way through this very miserable dilemma..

love Julie x

[littlerayofsunshine]

If the birthcontrol is strictly for not getting pregnant and they are having such a negative effect on her, as to make you ponder the future thought of having outside relations, I suggest you take it upon yourself to be responsible of the birth controlling and be vigilant with condoms and spermacide.


If she is taking the pill for menstrual issues (heavy periods, cramping, irregular periods, extreme pms, fibriods ect.ect.) then I suggest leaving her to her cure, cause I bet in the long run it will benefit the both of you after her hormones level out with the birthcontrol. 4 months, numerically is a long time, cycle wise that's only 4 periods and not all that much, Hormones and bodies need more than amount of time to adjust.


Either way, best to you both.

[BreeIsMe]

If you want birth control, as sunshine suggests, there are many options including IUD's, vaginal rings, diaphragms as well as condoms, etc. I would suggest that your wife talk about it with her gynecologist..

Bree

[BI-FREE]

Lots of birth control is high in estrogen which may be affecting her. My wife has recently started the nuvo ring, which is a localized brith control and releases a lot less estrogen. She said it has been a lot easier on her body than other forms of birth control. You may want to talk to the gynecologist about it. Hope that helps.

[welickit]

Why blame it all on the wife and pills? Grow a pair of balls and go get a vasectomy. Anyone who has thoughts of cheating or puts it in writing, doesn't hold much true love for their partner. :2cents:

[tink1978]

I was unable to take birth control due to other medical issues so I tracked my cycle with my temperature now this is not for every one but it is another option. If you are done with having children or have decided not to have children in the future maybe a vasectomy is the the way to go. Then you will have no more birth control issues. My husband had one after I got pregnant with our second child so I would never have to worry about BC again. Love it.


Amanda

[julie]

Why blame it all on the wife and pills? Grow a pair of balls and go get a vasectomy. Anyone who has thoughts of cheating or puts it in writing, doesn't hold much true love for their partner. :2cents:

...I checked SATs profile... he is only 25! a vasectomy could be a little extreme maybe?
:cool:

[welickit]

If a vasectomy is extreme what do you call being a cheat & a liar?

[arana]

If you had some sort of medical problem that reduced you're sex drive and your wife wrote the post you did, what would you think? Would you want her to go out and have affairs that could ultimately destroy your marriage or would you want her to work with you till you found a solution that you both could live with and neither would have to feel inadequate and unsatisfied?...try communication and research all alternatives. Explain to her your need for human connections and not just the need for jacking off for release. ... Of course all this depends on how much you love each other and want to perserve your marriage, which you didn't mention in your post.

[Keliana]

In simple terms, the female body produces three kinds of hormones- estrogen, progesterone and testosterone.

If she wants to stay on the "pill", talk to her about seeing an endocrinologist. She may need a hint of testosterone to balance the estrogen/progesterone treatments she's taking.

Good luck.

[teamnoir]

Oh you're one to talk about how cheating is bad. :rolleyes:

You just advised a guy in this thread (see thread titled: My bi wife has found her first love! link:http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?) that it's somehow OK for that guy;s wife's girlfriend to cheat on her husband with the guy's wife, her husband, AND another boyfriend! :rolleyes:



If a vasectomy is extreme what do you call being a cheat & a liar?

[the sacred night]

The pill kind of did that to me too, only a little bit different. It made me a lot more attracted to women and a lot less attracted to men, and since i was with a man at the time, it was slightly problematic. I found that using a vaginal ring instead of pills made the effects lessen somewhat, although it was still a lot different than when I'm not on any hormones.

[siraussietosser]

Why blame it all on the wife and pills? Grow a pair of balls and go get a vasectomy. Anyone who has thoughts of cheating or puts it in writing, doesn't hold much true love for their partner. :2cents:

What the hell? Who the hell are you to tell me to grow a pair of balls. My wife does not take the pill for birth control, she takes it to regulate her period. Any pill she takes is worthless for birth control as her medication stops it from working.

I would never make my wife use something just so I did not have to wear a bloody condom.

I did not say that I am going to cheat, I was afaraid that one day later (MUCH LATER) in our married life I may have an urge to stray, IF I was to never have sex with my wife again. I love my wife very much and we do talk about the problem, and she was the one that suggested taking an sexual pick me up. (Shit Im only 25, not a bloody god) so excuse me for being honest, I promise to hide my fears and feelings from now on.

All I wanted to know is if other people out there had used or could suggest an aphrodisiac that might work, an example being Horny Goats Weed, available from most chemists.

To all other comments I thank you for your help and appologies for not being more clear in my post.

I was unaware that there were idiots out there that think that they have to have their say, even if it has nothing to do with the question at hand.

[Cogent]

If a vasectomy is extreme what do you call being a cheat & a liar?

That's a pretty severe condemnation... and rather simplistic. Both parties are suffering..Don't you think that some compassion is on order?

Remember one day she might want to have kids too. So a vas might not work for either

Is there a male contracpetive (pill)? Can she take the mornng after pill in combination with a diphram or other contracpetives?

[julie]

What the hell? Who the hell are you to tell me to grow a pair of balls. My wife does not take the pill for birth control, she takes it to regulate her period. Any pill she takes is worthless for birth control as her medication stops it from working.

I would never make my wife use something just so I did not have to wear a bloody condom.

I did not say that I am going to cheat, I was afaraid that one day later (MUCH LATER) in our married life I may have an urge to stray, IF I was to never have sex with my wife again. I love my wife very much and we do talk about the problem, and she was the one that suggested taking an sexual pick me up. (Shit Im only 25, not a bloody god) so excuse me for being honest, I promise to hide my fears and feelings from now on.

All I wanted to know is if other people out there had used or could suggest an aphrodisiac that might work, an example being Horny Goats Weed, available from most chemists.

To all other comments I thank you for your help and appologies for not being more clear in my post.

I was unaware that there were idiots out there that think that they have to have their say, even if it has nothing to do with the question at hand.

There will always be idiots out there SAT.... those who prefer not to let the truth get in the way of a good story :(

I too had imagined your wife needed the pill for contraceptive reasons... so thanks for clarifying that, unfortunately, she needs it for gynaecological reasons.

I truly sympathise with your dilemma.... and have deep respect for your foresight and maturity beyond your 25 years in anticipating possible future problems.... and doing everything in your power to avert these from happening.

I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to pass on, but I dont. I can only pass on my affirmation and deep respect for the two of you and your obvious healthy communication in your marriage.

Dont give up hope SAT... there will be a way through this, it just may take some time. I was very interested in Kelianas comment regards testosterone though? Maybe herbwoman could also have some ideas to share with you?

Just dont let the bastards get you down eh

love Julie x

[Mrs.F]

Why blame it all on the wife and pills? Grow a pair of balls and go get a vasectomy. Anyone who has thoughts of cheating or puts it in writing, doesn't hold much true love for their partner. :2cents:

Even though words like this piss us off and hurt feelings....they are not worth listening too. :2cents:
I also took the pill to regulate my periods and take away the horrible pain that came with it. But I was also much younger. Now I'm 35 and just lost my dad and ended up on depression meds, which is doing the same thing her bc pill is. It's a side effect. It get's difficult and I feel bad for my husband that I am never in the mood. However, right now I need the medication to get through my grieving and he knows that. You've got some good suggestions already. Good luck to you and your wife. And don't let the idiots get to you!! :disgust: