Here today...gone tomorrow....

[CherryBlossom74]

My partner and I are here less and less nowadays. It seems that you have to be someone known to be someone listened to....we aren't either. The whole scene has been one of fit in or shut up, and we are at a loss to understand it.

From the "Fast Forward" Males to the "Yeah Right" Females....we're sick of trying to meet anyone! They are all hurtful and have been very rude to us. We wanted to find out about ourselves as we came to know others like us...but found that just like in straight society we feel we don't fit her either. A scary experience, this coming out business, and instead of finding nurturing we have found mostly indelicate handling. We don't understand....are we not Bi enough? Are we weird for wanting to know whom we sleep with? Do we offend some females bisexuals because we are a man/woman couple somehow? What did we do wrong?

In the end it matters little. Essentially we've gone back to being invisible again because we DON'T know what to do/say/think/feel about our treatment. And if it were just in one place we wouldn't be discouraged after 6 months of being out of the closet....it's everywhere on the net and in the world. We can't celebrate because we feel unwelcome and afraid of more rejection.

We've circled our wagons and prepared to hide again. Can anyone tell us why/if we should do otherwise? If you can, we'll be watching....but we won't be speaking all that much.

[arana]

I'm so sorry to hear of your discouragement and treatment as a bi couple. Not knowing you or the people you have been connecting with I can't really say what is wrong with your approach but I have heard some people say that they have spent much longer finding just the right person(s) to finally feel comfortable enough with. Maybe you just need to spend a little more time or are trying too hard. Please don't hide away dormant; I have enjoyed reading what you have had to say in postings.

Best Wishes to you both and good luck!
Arana

[happyjoe68]

I'm really sorry you feel that way. Its heartbreaking when people experience rejection from both sides of the fence, but my suggestion is that you should think "scr*w 'em" and just get on with your lives. There are plenty of people who aren't like the people you've encountered. It may sound smug, but so far I haven't experienced any real rejection, and those that did reject me probably weren't worth knowing in the first place anyway.

If being bi means anything, then it should be about living your own lives regardless of others and their values, in either community, and perhaps even the bi community (if it isnt too diverse to be a community). Take everything one day at a time.

I look at it this way. Coming out as bi to myself, after years of thinking it was just a fantasy, and realising that I actually did feel this way, was/is very much like discovering my sexual and emotional feelings as a teenager. Back then I wanted to rush everything, and like most people got hurt and rejected from then on (well most of the time). But now, with the benefit of hindsight, I can now handle my Bisexuality in a much more mature manner. It doesn't mean to say that I dont want to rush everything and have Bi experiences and feelings every day, but I now appreciate that the euphoria of coming out is just a transitory phase and once that has worn off I have to live with the practicalities of day to day life as a bi person, e.g. meeting someone (hopefully) who understands/sympathises regardless of their gender/persuasion, sex and relationships in general, social and family life, etc., etc. In many ways, I still have the same issues/problems I had when I was straight, except that now I have 100% of the population to choose from, instead of 50%!

We'd like you to stay with us. Dont be too impatient, it will happen soon enough. It took time for you two to meet as a couple, and it will take time to meet others. :bibounce:

[m.in.heels&hose]

i agree with arana and joe, please stay around and give this site anothewr chance, i too like to read what you have to say in your posts, and i would also like to invite you into the chat room too!
there are many of wonderful and caring people in there, we do tend to get silly more often than not, but we do listen and give advise as best as we can when its asked for, or when we feel it may be needed!

i dont know who it was that made you to feel so unwelcome, and if it was even me, i am deeply sorry, it was not nor is it ever my intentions to make anyone that comes to this wonderful site feel unwelcome or unimportant!!!!

hope to hear from you again, and to see you in chat sometime soon!!!!

yours truly m.in.heels&hose

[2curioustwo]

We are a couple that like you is new to the exploration of the bi world. We are in Melbourne Australia and there don't seem to be many Aussies here so have only participated in the forus so far, no-one has replied to our ad. We have tried meeting people on other sites and have been frustrated too, its hard to find people on the same wavelength.

One of the perennial problems: newbies like us are a liitle shy and hard to find. Old hands tend not to bother with "high maintenence" newbies. Of course the anonymous nature of the internet lends itself to fakes and time wasters too.

One observation : you ask for pictures as you have shown yours. Fair enough. The only problem is you have posted a facial pic. Like many newbies this is one thing we won't do, most of our friends and family don't know we are bi. Would you be open to meeting a couple like us (if we were local instead of on the other side of the world?) If so maybe you should indicate it in your profile e.g. "any photos appreciated"

Another problem is that different people have different idea of what bi is and what they are looking for in a partner. This is a big enough problem in the straight world, but there are so many more options in the bi world that it becomes even more complex. Patience is required in large doses.

Hang in there, I'm sure eventually you will meet someone who has complimentary need to yourselves and suddenly it will all become worthwhile

[wellred]

Hello CherryBlossom,

It has been written, "some men are too gentle to live among wolves". After reading your profile, you seem to exude tenderness. Perhaps, it is to your detriment to travel in sectors where you are likely to be hurt.

Arana and Joe have expressed encouragement that I believe many people unspokenly carry for you. Regardless if you stay or choose to leave, I am hopeful that you find happiness and the love you seek.

Being bisexual can be a tough life at times, I think. For example, one reason that people come to online sexual sites is for quick and easy connections with others. So you may find a number of people who are "trolling".

You seem to be seeking a deeper relationship. Perhaps on this site you, in time, will find the person/persons that you are seeking. I have limited online experience, but I believe this site offers more opportunity to connect in more meaningful ways than you may find on other sites.

I am wondering if there are other ways of meeting bisexual couples that you would consider. The Hartford, CT conference in November is one example. Maybe others on this site may offer additional suggestions to you.

You two are fortunate to have the love of each other. Celebrate that love, even if you are not yet receiving the acceptance of a great circle. And if you choose, continue to seek the support from this Bisexual.com community.

Wishing contentment and joy.
Red

[APMountianMan]

Hello CherryBlossom,

It has been written, "some men are too gentle to live among wolves". After reading your profile, you seem to exude tenderness. Perhaps, it is to your detriment to travel in sectors where you are likely to be hurt.

Arana and Joe have expressed encouragement that I believe many people unspokenly carry for you. Regardless if you stay or choose to leave, I am hopeful that you find happiness and the love you seek.

Being bisexual can be a tough life at times, I think. For example, one reason that people come to online sexual sites is for quick and easy connections with others. So you may find a number of people who are "trolling".

You seem to be seeking a deeper relationship. Perhaps on this site you, in time, will find the person/persons that you are seeking. I have limited online experience, but I believe this site offers more opportunity to connect in more meaningful ways than you may find on other sites.

I am wondering if there are other ways of meeting bisexual couples that you would consider. The Hartford, CT conference in November is one example. Maybe others on this site may offer additional suggestions to you.

You two are fortunate to have the love of each other. Celebrate that love, even if you are not yet receiving the acceptance of a great circle. And if you choose, continue to seek the support from this Bisexual.com community.

Wishing contentment and joy.
Red


On this I agree, and feel your pain; but know that an open and honest relationship with a partner is a powerful thing indeed. Of course you want to share the love you have, and feel that at times it is throwing pearls before swine. It can be. But that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. We hope for a day went the world will catch up with our wisdom -- friends I do not say this in pride, I believe this deeply -- but until then love each other, share when you can, and never, never be discouraged. Many blessings, AP

[Bi-ten]

Hi Cherry Blossom,

I'm sorry you two feel the need to leave, I have also read a number of your comments, and like to hear from you.

I'm afraid that on a website, as in the world we have to view what we percieve as good and filter out that which we don't care for. The web adds a whole new dynamic to relationships due to its anonymous and ambiguous nature. For example the phrase 'I love you' can be said in a chat room (OK not often), but how do we know the intention of the sender...are they smiling at us, smirking at us, are they alone or not, are they clothed? Since so much of human communication is non verbal, the sender must take pains not to be misunderstood.

So indeed, you may feel you are not being accepted at times but maybe (just a guess), there is some sort of miscommuncation.

Of course maybe I'm and insufferable optimist and am totally out to lunch...but I'd still like you to stay.

Hugs,

[wanderingrichard]

To quote Bart Simpson, " AWWW MAN, this sucks dude" now for real life;, do not, under any circumnstances, let the ignorance of a few ruin what has great potential for you both. i echo the comments of others who've posted before me,and, yes it can be rough out there, again do not give up, do not give in do what is right, for you :bibounce:

[purple]

im really sorry about how you are both feeling at this time . but i understand fully how you both feel we as a couple have been treated the same sometimes its really upsetting xxx so i really understand how you both feel and if you ever need to talk you ll find us here big hugs purple x

[cmj912]

Strange that my first post should be provoked by reading what you'd written...or maybe I shouldn't use the word 'provoked' and instead use the word 'inspired'.

Having lately been dealing with that I'm bi and not gay - and really wanting to explore that - has placed me further outside the realm of possibly being able to meet people more now than ever before.

Gay men seem happier with me if I lie to them. If I say I'm bi, it seems to automatically mark me as simply someone who wants sex from guys and nothing more - undateable with a male. Possibly unfaithful. Someone who wants to be able to have a girlfriend for his parents and a boyfriend for 'when she won't give it up'.

Gay friends have gone into vehement rages and arguments when this topic has been discussed about wanting cake and eating it too, blah blah blah. I know that several of my own close friends would have serious issues and the fact that I can sort of see that before I've even said anything to anyone is kinda scary.

Heterosexual women don't seem to want much to do with me at all - on the internet, I can kinda understand this caution for several reasons - but out in public I think it's assumed I may be gay because I'm 'metrosexual' looking? My married women friends all tell me, with a smile, that "Of course they think you're gay...you're a goodlooking guy with muscles, a good haircut, a tan, and nice shoes." Like this is some kind of joke and you have to temper who you are in order to convince people of your sexuality or being able to 'pass' as the right kind of partner about whom no assumptions are made.

Last week I threw myself headlong into the club scene again, in part due to the fact that I just in general feel like I'm ready to meet new people - but that gay club/straight club delineation was there...and I felt like I'd evaporated.

I know you have heard all of this before, probably ad nauseam. But here I was, identifying all of these years and pushing myself into a definition which now in my early 30s I'm realizing wasn't accurate. So if anything resonates with me about your post, it is realizing that even in circumstances of the best self-esteem and with everything going for you, you can still feel like you're not enough of this or that.

[BiCpl69]

I know how you feel; don't let the actions of others effect how you feel about yourselves. We are both bisexuals and our feelings are different than most we talk to or read posts about. But this is who WE are.

Over the years, most people we met do not understand our intense love for each other & our strong desire for gay intimacy as well. But when you meet the right person(s) it can be incredible. We met our boyfriend online & the 3 of us are perfect together. This is the first time we have had a lover not just a sex playmate. Don't give up...it may be just around the corner.