HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

[my-00-stang]

HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.

[thecowboyway]

I am married and bi-but do not play on the side.It still causes problems in a marriage.

[frenchygolf]

married and bi oral here. Only time I play is going to bookstores or adult theaters by myself....love to be watched while giving a bj

[wingnut]

HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.

Man up, bro. Tell the wife what's up, if she doesn't like it, tough shit. If you've got small children then that's something to consider, but even then, you've gotta be true to yourself, marriage be damned.

[FriedDuck]

y not tell?

[bjas_928]

I came out to my wife about a year ago. Gone through hell but we are still together - and get on really well.In many ways it has brought us together. I thought she would chuck me out for certain when she found out -but she has been brilliant.
I am finding it incredibly difficult to come to terms with (coming out) and it has taken a huge toll on my emotional stability - but hell, no one said it was going to be easy.

[skuz69]

There is no way I could come out to my wife without losing everything, both emotionally and financially. Even though she's not interested in sex, if she ever found out that I was visiting this site, it would be over.

[joxbear69]

I too am married and secretly bi. Like "skuz", I would lose everything if she found out. We still have our fun in the bedroom together, but I like to play around on the side, even if most of the time it's in my fantasy-filled. Mostly it's horny e-chat, bi/gay porn on internet, etc. I do have a buddy in another town that I hook up with when I travel down his way for work, but mostly it's fantasy world and a slick hand that gets me through "my other me".

[cddm50]

I have been Bi for a long time, known it in my heart. But I have never explored that side yet, only been a fantasy. My wife of 17 years knows about my bi-desires and in the past she gave me free reign to explore my sexuality but I had not found a person to be comfortable with to get up the nerve to take the next step. Asked her how she would feel if I actually found a guy partner she replied she didn't exactly like the idea of "sharing" me with someone else but that she would understand. With 3 young kids and a loving, understanding wife why would I want to mess that up?

Lately my urges have drawn me more to sites like this, hopes of finding a person in the same situation.. blah blah blah. Now to gently tell the wife that I am ready for this next step... maybe she can participate... maybe she doesn't want any part of it. I sensed her fear that I may love the bi lifestyle more than our relationship and leave her high and dry. So I need to tread carefully. I don't want to lose her. If I sense that it would be more trouble than it's worth I won't go there.

my-00-stang- now that you are outed you have to open up the dialog w/the wife. wingnut is right, fess up. It may take a while but she may be able to come to some understanding if she is open minded. Or maybe she's opposed to that lifestyle and won't budge. How important is it to you to keep your relationship with her? Communicate. Compromise. Sacrifice. Else get out and be true to yourself.

[badger1966]

I am in agreement with a good number of responders here. If my wife found out, I would be looking for a new home quick-smart! My wife has never understood, will not tolerate my best friend (a female in a long term relationdship with a same sex partner) and has never had any leanings that way herself.
If she found out what I crave, she would be incensed. Yes, I'm man enough to put up with it but not with the children in mind. So I go on, internet trawling a nd occasionally meeting for a discussion with a male who I met locally. The frustration is immense and in an ideal world, I would partake fo extra-marital MMF threesomes with her knowledge but not her participation, then, staying clean and health conscious, go home and continue the good sex-less relationship with my wife and friend (That's the same person!)

[bi-robin-calif]

Both of my marriages failed, but not because of my sexuality; rather because of *repressing* my sexuality.

I am finally comfortable enough with myself that if I ever get into a relationship again, I will let my partner know at the beginning where I'm coming from. This is who I am, and I cannot and will not change it. If you can't live with it and understand, then I can't live with you.

Life is too short as it is.
.

[jedinudist]

To me, marriage is the most solemn promise a person can make.

It involves TOTAL DISCLOSURE to the other person, TOTAL TRUST in the other person, and UTMOST CONSIDERATION for the other person. Above all, it is about LOVE.

You not only owe it to your wife to be honest about your orientation, but you owe it to yourself too.

When my wife (who knew about my sexual history before we married although I did not consider myself "bisexual" any longer) helped me finally accept my orientation, it was as if my life improved in an instant. An incredible amount of stress and guilt evaporated instantly. She has even given me her blessing to have a male friend with benefits if I need or want one. This incredible thing did not happen overnight, it happened over years of being married to each other, being deeply in love with each other, and being HONEST with each other! So honest in fact, that she knew more about me than I knew about myself. She recognized that my heart is her's, and her's alone. She understood that my sexual attraction to other guys has nothing to do with my Love for her, or even with "love" in general, that it is a physical attraction that could never proceed beyond a friendship level.

By hiding this (and it will surely come to light someday), you are only increasing the negativity of everyone's reaction when they find out. You are increasing the stress and tension you will have to cope with, and you risk demeaning your own self-worth by "hooking-up" behind her back. Part of you knows that doing so is wrong (otherwise you wouldn't feel this way about it and keep hiding it) and when you repeatedly engage in behavior that you know and feel is wrong, you increase your guilt and lower your own self-esteem.

Please consider seeing a counselor for advice on this. Yes, finally admitting it out loud may not be the most enjoyable experience in the world while you are doing it, however it is one of the most rewarding, as it allows you to regain some honor by being honest, and it raises one's self esteem in so much that you are able to be honest and above board.

Good luck to both you and your wife :D

[Isaac Steel]

I am married and came out to my wife last year. I have been somewhat faithful so far, but I know I might give in to my desires sometime. It's not easy but it is better than always hiding.

Isaac

[bi-robin-calif]

somewhat faithful

Is that like "a little pregnant"? <g>

[Buck Naked]

I have absolutely no desire to disclose my homo-erotic fantasy life to my wife for similar reasons stated by others (I think she would kill me to death!). As it says in my profile, I haven't had sexual contact with a man in over 25 years but I lust for a cock pretty often. The urge to act on my lust is powerful but with a little prudence, self control, and a talented left hand I can remain true to her. As it stands, I will remain secretly bisexual until my wife discovers this web site (only bisexual one I post to) or she asks, and I hope she does neither cause I just don't want to go there.

[drdrcusibb]

I totally agree. I recently told my wife that I had bisexual feelings and that I had gone through with oral with another guy. She was the most supportive and sensitive person I could ever imagine. I feel bad that I didn't tell her I was going to do it beforehand, but I did fess up, as I would never lie to her about anything. She accepts I am who I am, and my sexual attraction to men will not affect how much I love her.


To me, marriage is the most solemn promise a person can make.

It involves TOTAL DISCLOSURE to the other person, TOTAL TRUST in the other person, and UTMOST CONSIDERATION for the other person. Above all, it is about LOVE.

You not only owe it to your wife to be honest about your orientation, but you owe it to yourself too.

snip

[seafer]

HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.

Im a female of 40, my husband is 30 and we have been maried for 4 months now.. when I first met him,(4 years ago )I was told he was gay.. we were best friends for a year and then something happened.. our relationship went from friends to lovers.. I found out, he was not gay, just bi.. I had no problem with that or him being gay.. I am bi, but never took the chance to persue any women at the time..( I had in the past, but not for awhile)
we have been together as a couple for 4 years and we both do as we please with whom we please the only thing we will not do it be with the oppasite sex.
with both of us, we were both married several years befor.(we didn't know each other at the time) our spouses knew,(we were bi) but when they found out we refused to be with the oppasite sex(group sex) they left us.. I feel god brought us together.. two of a kind and loving what we do...
I think in today's world unless you have an open mind and are wiling to experimaent with the same sex, you haven't a clue as to how great a relationship can be.. I don't know about you, but Id much rather loose my man to another man then to another woman!! maybe Im alittle too open minded, but Im feeling great about my relationship!! :female: :male:

[spartca]

I too am married and secretly bi. Like "skuz", I would lose everything if she found out. We still have our fun in the bedroom together, but I like to play around on the side, even if most of the time it's in my fantasy-filled. Mostly it's horny e-chat, bi/gay porn on internet, etc. I do have a buddy in another town that I hook up with when I travel down his way for work, but mostly it's fantasy world and a slick hand that gets me through "my other me".

Thanks joxbear for your honesty. Your situation reminds me of Brokeback Mountain... I try to explain to folks that nothing has really changed all that much for bi guys since the days of Brokeback... but no one believes me. I guess that's why we have fiction, so that we can all process through the trauma we have as a society on the subject in our collective unconscious without having to deal with it in real life.

The worst is that gay men all yell at me whenever I suggest that the men of Brokeback Mountain could have been bi. "They were gay, you idiot!" Ah well, more bigotry from our own cousins - this is what has really changed since then: Now it's ok for gays and lesbians to publicly bi-bash along with the straights - some improvement eh? :eek:

[spartca]

Both of my marriages failed, but not because of my sexuality; rather because of *repressing* my sexuality.

I am finally comfortable enough with myself that if I ever get into a relationship again, I will let my partner know at the beginning where I'm coming from. This is who I am, and I cannot and will not change it. If you can't live with it and understand, then I can't live with you.

Life is too short as it is.
.

Hey Robin, I know so many bi men whose lives have been ruined either by keeping the secret or by coming out of the closet - so many who have not been able to progress developmentally along in their lives because society won't accept them as bi men.

I would like to see a study of bi men one of these days... I can count about a half-dozen serious studies of bi women in my email over the past few years but not one that focused on or even included bi men. It would be nice to get some real data on the implications of being bisexual and male in our society.

[DiamondDog]

Thanks joxbear for your honesty. Your situation reminds me of Brokeback Mountain... I try to explain to folks that nothing has really changed all that much for bi guys since the days of Brokeback... but no one believes me. I guess that's why we have fiction, so that we can all process through the trauma we have as a society on the subject in our collective unconscious without having to deal with it in real life.

The worst is that gay men all yell at me whenever I suggest that the men of Brokeback Mountain could have been bi. "They were gay, you idiot!" Ah well, more bigotry from our own cousins - this is what has really changed since then: Now it's ok for gays and lesbians to publicly bi-bash along with the straights - some improvement eh? :eek:

yeah I've written about how the men in brokeback mountain or at least the character of Ennis anyway, are bisexual on various message boards even on IMDB and people flip out and the topic eventually gets deleted or it gets ignored all together.

Or when Brokeback was in theaters I took friends of mine who are from s.korea and hong kong to see it and afterwards they asked me if the men in the movie were bisexual and I said yes. I was very surprised since they're both from countries/cultures where queer sexuality isn't talked about at all unless it's in a negative way such as mental illness, sexual deviance, or HIV/AIDS. I'm out to them and it's not a big deal.

[bi-robin-calif]

It would be nice to get some real data on the implications of being bisexual and male in our society.

And that the fact that you cannot find any relevant data is in itself quite chilling in its implications...

[Mrs.F]

My husband was secretly bisexual until 2005, which is when I caught him on this site. He told me he had just packed it all away inside himself and used fantasy only. It wasn't until we had our first child and I was not interested in sex a whole lot that his fantasies started taking over more. Knowing that he had never done anything behind my back except join this site was a huge relief. He loved me and respected me enough to not do anything without my knowing. I'm not going to say I was completely ok with it when I found out but I dealt with it, learned alot from this site and listened to what it was my husband wanted. My love for him NEVER changed, nor did my views of him as a man, husband and father.

I think alot of times...and this is due to our society..people don't understand and don't want too. I feel bad that my husband kept it all inside for as long as he did thinking I would leave if I knew. I didn't and I never will. I feel bad for men and women who have to hide. I don't like to see men and women playing behind their loved one's back...it's just wrong...but I have to say that for those that do it...I do understand, it's just sad it has to be that way. :(

[Bi Pal]

The early years of my 23-year marriage were filled with frequent and great sex with my wife. But gradually she lost the desire to have sex with me, and recently we have had sex only a few times a year. Our best couple friends are two monogamous gay men, so I knew my wife wasn't homophobic. I was so horny for sex, and I found myself more and more sexually attracted to these friends. After a party one night a couple of months ago, my wife and I were talking about how I did not enjoy our last Caribbean vacation, which we went on with these guys, that much, because it was the first vacation during which we had not had any sex, and our friends were having frequent sex. I told her I was exploring having a bi relationship and that I did not want a divorce unless she did, but I wasn't going to live the rest of my life without sex. Our friends, who have moved to another part of the country, were recently in town for my wife's birthday, and I told them about my bi urges and plans. They were very supportive. I hope I haven't messed up the relationship between myself and my otherwise loving and caring wife, but I feel better now that I have shared my urges with my wife and best friends. I feel less resentment now toward my wife, as I no longer feel trapped in a sexless marriage with no ability to have sex with someone else on the side. Curiously, she hasn't expressed any interest in sex with me as a way to curtail my exploration.

[tatooedpunk]

Man up, bro. Tell the wife what's up, if she doesn't like it, tough shit. If you've got small children then that's something to consider, but even then, you've gotta be true to yourself, marriage be damned.

That is one hell of a statement,tough shit on the wife and children!
If you were really true to yourself you would"man up"before you got married
or not even get married in the first place. I fully understand that men get married before they fully realise their sexuality,or even to try and deny it. But you cannot say tough shit to the wife it sure as hell aint her fault

[Bi Pal]

Thanks for the empathy and understanding. But at least one assumption is wrong. We have no children. And I was supposed to know how I would feel 23 years later after being rejected for sex?

[krrptyc]

I have several things in common with several of those who have posted to this thread. I am 50+ and accept for sex, have a good relationship with my wife. Over the past few years she has become less and less interested in sex. As her sex drive has decreased, my interest in having oral sex with men has increased.

A few years ago I told her about my desires and that I wanted to get a toy for us to "play" with while I fantasized. She said "OK, I guess it's better than the alternative of having another man join us." That's has been about as much interest as she ever showed.

Because we no longer have sex I have wanted to tell her that I want to find a "buddy" or perhaps a couple to have sex with but I cannot get up the nerve. I remember how hard it was to tell her of my feelings in the first place. But to now tell her that I want her blessings to have sex with others seems impossible.

On one hand I think that if she does love me, she will understand that I still have desires even if she does not. On the other hand, I think back to her reaction when I told her the first time and think she could become very upset.

I wouldn't want to do that right now because her daughter has recently been diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. My wife does not need more stress at this time and I certainly won't approach her with this anytime soon. I often wonder if I will ever have the nerve to do so.

[Bi Pal]

Seems your situation is very similar to mine. But since our best friends are a gay male couple, I already knew she was open and not homophobic. After having been faithful for 23 years, I knew I would feel tremendous guilt about sex outside of marriage, not so much because I had a bi experience, as that I was sneaking around behind her back. Now that I've told her, I think we are both happiest with me just being discrete. The discrete part is easy, because she travels fairly often for periods of a week or two. Incidentally, she already knew that I had been viewing bi pornography, because I did not always successfuly erase all traces. Good luck!

[my-00-stang]

well my wife is not understanding what so ever she has told me that it is gross, disgusting and wrong for 2 ppl of the same sex to get together. and if my urges were as strong before i got married as they are now i never would have gotten married. it seems like they have gotten stronger over the years, maybe because she has gotten very fat, lazy and she has always been very controling and nosey. i hear alot of you have to be honest with your spouse well thats all good and well if you have a spouse with an open mind and who isn't a prude. i believe that every one has bi thoughts in their life but my wife swears she has never ever considered it, but yet her frind when we were dating that she hung out with all the time was a lesbian :confused: any way it's not always as easy for one person to come out as bi as it is for the other person. but thanks for all the feed back atleast i know i'm not alone

[mindfinding]

My first forum post, yay!

I just came out to my wife about my bisexual desires. They have been there for years now, but I had to confront her on it. I'm open and honest with my wife and she needs that. So, after another night of dreams, I woke up and knew it was time to talk to her about it openly.

I couldn't hide it from her, or try and press it into the further back of my mind. It hurts me, as it does many of you guys that I have read. With love and honesty she told me that she loves me and always will. She is my best friend. Thats why she had to know.

Shes not ideal to me messing around on her and who can blame her?..we're married. But at the very least, I'm being more honest with myself and her. This morning I woke up early and told her about this site and then brought her here. She knows I'm surfing here now.

I am very much interested in finding more about all of this, so if any of you wish to share with me you "coming out" that would be great.

And in closing, if you haven't told your wife yet, you need to. Find a way, but don't be one of those Oprah episodes.

[mindfinding]

My first forum post, yay!

I just came out to my wife about my bisexual desires. They have been there for years now, but I had to confront her on it. I'm open and honest with my wife and she needs that. So, after another night of dreams, I woke up and knew it was time to talk to her about it openly.

I couldn't hide it from her, or try and press it into the further back of my mind. It hurts me, as it does many of you guys that I have read. With love and honesty she told me that she loves me and always will. She is my best friend. Thats why she had to know.

Shes not ideal to me messing around on her and who can blame her?..we're married. But at the very least, I'm being more honest with myself and her. This morning I woke up early and told her about this site and then brought her here. She knows I'm surfing here now.

I am very much interested in finding more about all of this, so if any of you wish to share with me you "coming out" that would be great.

And in closing, if you haven't told your wife yet, you need to. Find a way, but don't be one of those Oprah episodes. :rolleyes:

[superyumboi]

never married and don't plan on it.

i know myself too well to know i love variety and hate restrictions.

dating is cool and so is being exclusive with someone, but i could never put someone thru that unneccesary pain because of my love of diversity. mainly myself.
:tongue:

[pbaldoni@verizon.net]

HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.

When im going to have sex with another guy i have it right in my bed
most times we dont have the same days off and some times she works doubles and that gives me time to have fun

[RobUK]

OK, to start off, I'm neither married nor even involved with anyone (yet). I would like to ask a simple question, though, which seems so glaringly obvious to me, yet no-one else even thinks to raise...

Whenever someone says they're married but doing X or Y, people feel able to say that what they're doing is wrong or right.

Yet, with most issues (be it religion, sexuality, politics, etc.) MOST people agree that they can have their own beliefs/actions, and we're all entitled to our own different beliefs. It would just be considered rude, offensive even, for people to tell someone "what you are doing is wrong".

However, whenever these threads come up about relationships/cheating, everything is so black and white, right or wrong. It's almost as if there's some relationship 'Code of Conduct' somewhere that we all should follow. Other social practices have books (be it The Bible, Qu'ran, or Das Kapital), but even then, with rules laid out in black and white, we still permit people to believe and act differently.

Why are relationships considered an exception? Some people sound so dogmatic, just like in religion or politics, but people seem to feel able to go EVEN further and insist "this is what is done". No argument, no dissent.

Why?
:confused:

[bi_mm_45]

I'm married and bi. Wife doesn't know. She would not understand (i.e. marriage would be over). I met up with 2 guys over 10 years. It's hard to get time alone to meet up with guys. Can't ever host, have to be discreet/safe. Know of two bookstores where I could hook-up, but they are not close. Need to weigh the risks/rewards. I could do it more, but I'm not willing to risk everything for it.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.


Uhh, and who's fault is this? Cheaters and sneaks never win. Open the door and step outside, Sugar. You'll be glad you did.
Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

it seems like they have gotten stronger over the years, maybe because she has gotten very fat, lazy and she has always been very controling and nosey.

So this is your reasoning and excuse to do what you want to do, huh....? :rolleyes:
Cat

[tenni]

Now Dumpling
Why bless your heart....If you make your lover see you as "controlling and nosey", you are not going to keep a lover interested in y'all? Kills da love shugar as surely as if you kick them in the gonads...man or woman. It enough to make any sane person escape from the abuse. :eek:



it seems like they have gotten stronger over the years, maybe because she has gotten very fat, lazy and she has always been very controling and nosey.

So this is your reasoning and excuse to do what you want to do, huh....? :rolleyes:
Cat

[MarieDelta]

Now Dumpling
Why bless your heart....If you make your lover see you as "controlling and nosey", you are not going to keep a lover interested in y'all? Kills da love shugar as surely as if you kick them in the gonads...man or woman. It enough to make any sane person escape from the abuse. :eek:

I agree with you. But that being the case (wo)man-up and leave. Why hang around if you dont love them?

Finances? Kids?

Dont get me wroing I understand you all want to keep the priveledge that is associated with being a straight male. I get that more than you could ever know, however I think there is something to be said for honesty as well.

[Dog62]

Sorry guys, telling the wife isn't all that it is cracked up to be. I was married for 18 years to a woman that I was passionately in love with. One day she was on my computer instead of her own and found some bisexual porn. She didnt say a word to me about it but 6 days later I came home to a note that said basically 'you have gay porn on your computer so you must be gay. I am outta here'. She walked out with about 3 days worth of clothes. She left her car and all the rest of her belongings. She turned off her cell phone, bought a new one and would not even speak to me for weeks. She abandoned our joint checking account and started a new one. She bought herself a new car. She filed for divorce and still refuses to speak to me. She claimed that I had not allowed her access to the house to get her stuff when in fact I had been begging her to come back even to pack her stuff. We had just taken out a $90k home equity loan to buy our retirement RV a month before she left. So now here I sit, trying to sell my house since I can not afford both mortgages alone. I have turned off the cable, the home phone, and the internet (I have a cell that I can use with my laptop to internet). My life is in a shambles and my retirement plans are in the toilet. I never told my wife because I knew her feelings about it, but that didn't mean that I wasn't in love with her.

So, I must ask: Why tell if you have no need to tell? To be "honest"? Thats a hoot. To be "open"? If you know that outcome, then keep your fucking mouth shut. Telling my wife would have accomplished nothing but an earlier demise to my marriage.

[citystyleguy]

...odd how this topic popped up after three years, but it ties in nicely with another thread dealing with infidelity;

a question that i have always wanted to put to the women here; hmmm!

i was almost going to only post the question here, but have now decided to add it as a forum post!

[ErosUrge]

This gets into a lot and how well I can relate to this though I'm not in that situation any more. I truly believe that it is best to tell your significant other about your sexuality and especially before things go as far as marriage. My first wife took no issue with it and was never threatened by it since she knew there was nothing more to it than just sex.
My second wife did not know nor did she ever find out. I knew, like so many have stated here that the relationship would come to a screeching halt if she knew. It was a miserable time for me as I was always hiding and it became a continuum of hiding and deceit. I hated myself and cursed my bisexuality. I cared deeply for her but the more I tried to suppress my desire the more intensely I felt the need to act out on it always feeling miserable afterward.
So in finishing and now that I am open about my sexuality and always tell the woman right at the beginning, I know now what it feels like to be open now. And I do feel for you because I know what it means to hide and yet want to tell but know you can't because of the result. I know of people who hide all their lives and never get discovered and are capable of carrying on and not giving it much thought. I am one that can't. The best to you.

[michaelaaron]

If there is a common thread in all the posts on here, it seems to be sexless marriages. Do sexless marriages lead to infidelity? Are they sexless because one partner is keeping a secret, and the other partner senses that, and so the trust is broken, even on a subconscious level? Could it be that sexless marriages aren't leading to infidelity (another common theme in the posts) but is rather an excuse for it?

A lot of posters are very much in favor of coming out to your S/O, in favor of being honest. Other posters would have you believe that honesty to oneself is over-rated. I can't tell anyone else to whom or whether or not they should come out. But for myself, I just came out to my wife and also my best friend. The sense of personal freedom I feel, the lack of guilt, the confidence in my own sexual identity are all well worth the potential relationship ending possible consequences. I've realized now that I came out for me, not anyone else. I'm telling the truth for me, and it feels great.

[MarieDelta]

I've realized now that I came out for me, not anyone else. I'm telling the truth for me, and it feels great.

In the end that is who we come out for, ourselves...

[JP1986UM]

Sorry guys, telling the wife isn't all that it is cracked up to be. I was married for 18 years to a woman that I was passionately in love with. One day she was on my computer instead of her own and found some bisexual porn. She didnt say a word to me about it but 6 days later I came home to a note that said basically 'you have gay porn on your computer so you must be gay. I am outta here'. She walked out with about 3 days worth of clothes. She left her car and all the rest of her belongings. -snip-

So, I must ask: Why tell if you have no need to tell? To be "honest"? Thats a hoot. To be "open"? If you know that outcome, then keep your fucking mouth shut. Telling my wife would have accomplished nothing but an earlier demise to my marriage.

She flipped because you were lying to her. She was entitled to the truth and you basically justified lying to her. I feel no sympathy for you since YOU created this sham. Are you seriously looking for sympathetic tones? Many of us DID come out and we still sit in our wonderful 4 bedroom homes and still look forward to a retirement because we were honest. We didn't lie to our spouses.

I find the justifications of the other closeted bi men rather hysterical though. Thanks for the laughs.

[tenni]

Dog62 Post #39
Sorry that happened to you. Not all on here are as cold and bitter as JP1986UM

Life is not black and white. Bisexuality proves that is so. Too bad some posters on this site have no empathy and seem to have a few psychologically, unresolved personal issues.

[ErosUrge]

Yes I too agree with Tenni and feel that JP1986um is out of line condemning Dog62. This kind of superiority in attitude and as above the fray reveals much in the comments made....Though I'm not a professed Christian in the normal sense of the word, no doubt the words from I forget which gospel ring loud and true: "ye without sin cast the first stone..."
Now that's not to say Dog62 is innocent and I don't know. But it's also out of place to castigate him for a simple 'slip up'........this is much more complicated a situation than anyone from the outside has any business making judgments on. None of us has that right really without knowing every aspect of what was at work here. And even if his miscalculation is considered by some unforgivable, he is now carrying the burden of all that has happened....
Being bisexual is already complicated enough for many and this rush to judgment is uncalled for in my opinion. A gentler approach often solves much more than the angry cry of the mob which loses all reason and is blind to its own faults and blemishes. Whatever lesson there is to learn by Dog62 if indeed there is one, is his burden; no one else's. Nothing like kicking someone more once they're down and for this reason, I decided to address JP1986um's comments.

[JP1986UM]

Yes I too agree with Tenni and feel that JP1986um is out of line condemning Dog62.

Seriously, I am actually defending the one who is wronged and whose life is turned upside down (albeit without their knowledge) by their spouse cheating on them and possibly contracting an STD which they did not ask for and you condemn me?

Laughable.

Why not ask the spouse what they think about it and my defense of them.

Get back to me on it.

[Sulivan]

hello all, yes i am new here :bigrin: I told my X wife before we settled down that i was bi and she was ok with it, although once she was told i kept it to myself and had to sneal off when needed.

My current partner i also told before we settled, she is a lot more open and knows what i get up to on a friday night. I do prefer a woman for love and making love, but there is no way i could go the rest of my life without doing the things i do with a man....would i leave her if it was them or her? i think i would have to:(

[Ken1947]

Hello: I am 62, married 43 years, and this year talked with my wife about the bi fantasies and urges I have had over the years. I told her I had met a couple of guys, did the j/o and fondling thing, but seemed like I kept thinking about more. To make a long story short, she said it did not bother her and she was glad I did not have another woman as she would not like that at all. We have just had a great time with all of this, and a new understanding that has just cleared my mind, increased my sense of confidence, etc. So it can happen, and believe me I was really afraid to tell her, just got tired of the lying.

[ErosUrge]

Don't know why I bother to come back and address this, but I will and I won't be back to address it again. That said, JP1986UM has decided that he knows all about this situation concerning Dog62. And I am not here to defend anything more than the fact that we don't know the whole story. According to what he told us, he was married to the woman for 18 years....he never once mentioned he was acting out anywhere or playing the field with anyone either. Did he cheat?...maybe so...but it sure never says that anywhere in his post; not one word of it. What he admitted was that he had been watching bi porn without her knowledge and she found it on his computer when she decided to go in to his pc and look around.

I am not by any means saying that were he cheating it's a good thing or alright and I think anyone that's ever been cheated or deceived knows all too well the feeling. I certainly don't believe in deception or cheating either. But no where in his thread does he say he was cheating or playing around. He might of thought of it and perhaps eventually he might have moved in that direction or he actually might have and failed to mention it in his thread, or he might possibly have never done anything outside the relationship at all except for fantasize and look at bi porn and jacking off to it.....or maybe just maybe, not even that. The truth is from the information given, WE DON'T KNOW. And to go around playing the role of God or as superior being without truly knowing says a lot about the person spouting off.

And who knows; maybe she was the sort of person that jumps to conclusions and did in this case assuming that because there was bi porn on the computer that he must be cheating. It might be that the idea of her husband enjoying the idea of bisexual sex might have been a big turn off for her and something that she condemned or does condemn. But still, WE DON'T KNOW. And if we're to use the idea that 'if he was fantasizing about it by watching it on his computer it's almost the same as doing it.' Well, that's a pretty shallow argument in my opinion. Because then it raises the question about how many of us or really all of us when we see someone in public or TV, in a movie, wherever; ( as in a gorgeous woman in the case of a man if he is interested in women or a striking man in the case of a woman if she is interested in men) have not been able to look away or shot a quick glance to not be conspicuous and were truly attracted? Or maybe even shot another quick glance looking away to not get noticed again and still all the while immensely attracted? In other words, you see someone that really attracts you whatever your sex or orientation, and know that you would never cheat, but were still attracted. Is that the same thing as cheating?...Or perhaps you work with someone that you're really attracted to and are always attracted every time you see that person, and go home and masturbate in the shower fantasizing about that person, is that cheating? It might be one step away but it still hasn't happened. I mean, in those moments though one might not ever act out on them even if the opportunity presented itself, was it wrong to look and then furthermore get turned on by it? I think if anyone denies these things happen, it's pretty simple to see where they're coming from.

I don't agree with Dog62 when he says: "why tell if you have no need to tell?"...and my response would be that if you can live with that burden of secrecy and having to cover your tracks all the time and having to lie to cover a lie....and it goes on and on, then be my guest. But overall, that is a pretty miserable existence as I remember being in those shoes myself. But then there are many who can live this way and do...it's just not for me.

Again, if he is guilty of cheating, well then some would argue that he is getting what he deserves. And once again, if that's the case, then he is indeed paying the price for it. If he is guilty, all his whimpering would have a hollow thud as most don't or won't hear it and this he'll have to endure himself. And if 'guilty', then if he doesn't want this to happen again, he will either learn not to be deceptive or he won't. If he does learn, then he deserves credit for that. And since he is in a pretty miserable place right now, I don't think anyone has the right to kick him again while he's down.
So, JP1986UM, go ahead....pick up that stone and throw it; give him another kick, and also deny that you've never had an attraction outside to anyone at all whilst being madly in love with the one you're with.....
I think it's quite clear that what I am saying is we don't have all of the total picture on this situation except for the information given, and there are way too many loopholes in it to reach any kind of solid conclusion....

[ninetythree]

Sorry guys, telling the wife isn't all that it is cracked up to be. I was married for 18 years to a woman that I was passionately in love with. One day she was on my computer instead of her own and found some bisexual porn. She didnt say a word to me about it but 6 days later I came home to a note that said basically 'you have gay porn on your computer so you must be gay. I am outta here'.

I'm sorry that happened to you -- it's awful -- but could it be possible that she was looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage and is blaming your sexuality for it? Most people who are happy in their marriage would fight harder for it than she did, even if they catch a partner cheating. In your case, if liking porn sex different than what your wife likes was a marriage breaker, how many men would be married?

[ninetythree]

My wife and I are in our mid-40s and have been together 20 years. I told her last month that I'm bisexual, an urge I've never acted on but have grown to realize about myself over the course of our relationship. She didn't catch me on the computer or in anything else. I just decided I should stop acting as if this was shameful and tell her.

She was amazingly tolerant of it, and has been excited to explore this side of my personality in bed. She's a bit freaked out that it will mean at some point I don't want her, but I told her I've been this way for 20 years. The only thing that has changed is that I told her (and myself) it was real.

I expect there are still some hurdles ahead, especially if I ever decide with her knowledge to do anything on the side. But telling her and being accepted has given me a profound sense of ease.

To those of you who are secretly bisexual and have never cheated on your spouse, I think you should strongly consider telling them. You might be underestimating them. I assumed my wife -- who is straight -- would find gay porn unappealing or even gross. She thinks it's hot.

[luv2play8899]

Interesting how judgmental people get when others don't live the way they feel is 'correct'. :rolleyes:

Fact is, telling any spouse information such as this requires a great deal of thought and understanding of their spouses needs and desires. If your spouse has strong anti bi/gay feelings and you know this from much heart to heart loving communication with them, one may wish to keep ones desires to themselves perhaps. Sometimes it just isnt worth it. For others it may be.
Its real easy to say 'should have told them to begin with' etc etc but unless you walk in another's shoes and know exactly what path their life has taken you have no right to judge. Not everyone starts life the same. There are all different paths.

[nightjack]

I guess I fall into the category "Married & secretly bi". The fact is that although I have had experiments with guys in the past, nothing has really come of it. My wife does not know of my bisexual feelings - as far as I can tell. I cartainly haven't said as much to her, but on occasions when we discuss sexuality, I get the feeling that she may be laying the path open for me to admit my curiosity. I just haven't had the nerve to admit it to her yet as the risk of losing her is too much.

[italian sausage]

Married and secretly bi here. Was easier when she was on the road all the time but now it's a bit harder. but still manage to enjoy my friend when we can get together. Since he owns his own business, it's easier to go there after he closes up and spend time together. So far, we haven't been caught.

[NjbiGuy01]

I came out to the wife after we were married. I told her I had played with men and couples since HS and close to the time we met. Shes somewhat uptight and conservative and it took some toll on us. She eventually began to be more open to using toys on us, and trying to accommodate my needs, although does not want anyone to join us. She accepts that I think of myself as bi.

She feels (and I let her) that the toys will keep me from straying. Honestly, I still like to play on the side. I prefer a MF couple and threesomes, more than man on man. I feel more comfortable with a woman involved, and enjoy pleasing both as they please one another. While I feel this is safer as far as disease and discretion etc, unfortunately there can also be drama when things don't work out as planned. I'm reconsidering looking for a male for something steady again, as finding couples is difficult. Finding couples that can handle this (in some cases) is even more difficult.

I keep things on the DL, and it seems to be going okay. I have to admit, the stress of managing my cover stories and so forth can be stressful sometimes.

[wildnorthman]

I am married and I love my wife more than anything. She knew before we married that I was bisexual. I told her that from time to time I needed the company of a man, but I have never done anything due to our life circumstances that left us without a lot of things people take for granted, still, I get urges to fill every now and again. She is very understanding and is bi herself and before she married me, she had a long time GF who was also her lover. I have walked along the razor's edge all my life and I realize that the best choice all along was to be true to myself, but I was reluctant to do so due to the redneck town I live in and the lack of money to travel to see other men and the damn guilt I feel creeping down my neck when I finally get what I think is enough courage to find a guy to sleep with.
But life is meant to be lived, right? I was honest with my first wife about my sexuality and she used against me and in a small town, that ain't too cool! So after some time with wife number two, I am going to do the things I need to do to be me, and I am sure I will be happier and maybe we both will be in the long run.:)

[ivanthemonkey]

Your issue with your wife has less to do with your bisexuality and more to do with "YOUR SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT", being secretly bisexual is in reality no different then being secretly having an affair with your secretary.

What you need is some honesty with your wife.

Although, how did she get your password? If you are going to have secrets then try keeping them secret a bit better then that or she will divorce you for being a fool if anything else

[brnrd96]

I am in the same boat as "skuz69" and "joxbear69". I have been more bi curious in recient years. My wife has lost interest in sex and I would loose everythingif she knew. I have not acted on my curiosity yet, online post and chatrooms only. I have no intention of telling her.

[chad2012]

Im a female of 40, my husband is 30 and we have been maried for 4 months now.. when I first met him,(4 years ago )I was told he was gay.. we were best friends for a year and then something happened.. our relationship went from friends to lovers.. I found out, he was not gay, just bi.. I had no problem with that or him being gay.. I am bi, but never took the chance to persue any women at the time..( I had in the past, but not for awhile)
we have been together as a couple for 4 years and we both do as we please with whom we please the only thing we will not do it be with the oppasite sex.
with both of us, we were both married several years befor.(we didn't know each other at the time) our spouses knew,(we were bi) but when they found out we refused to be with the oppasite sex(group sex) they left us.. I feel god brought us together.. two of a kind and loving what we do...
I think in today's world unless you have an open mind and are wiling to experimaent with the same sex, you haven't a clue as to how great a relationship can be.. I don't know about you, but Id much rather loose my man to another man then to another woman!! maybe Im alittle too open minded, but Im feeling great about my relationship!! :female: :male:


wish i could find someone like you my gf doesn't know im bi im scared to tell her i love her but im attracted to men.

[Bisub69]

You could try something else, being honest. No matter what the consequences.

[greeneyes64]

My wife has suggested that I find a partner for sex if I want to but has no idea that it might be another man, I doubt if she even suspects bi-sexuality.
I don't know exactly what to do about it, I have a fairly easy going sex drive now at 47, but it might be nice to try it while I am still reasonably attractive and virile.

[Mickie]

My husband recently (well, a year or so ago) told me he is bisexual but that he's never cheated on me. I believe him. I think he sublimated the feelings for years before he met me and I'm thinking that's probably the main reason he didn't stay married to the other wives. I think he married a woman. Not THE woman. Just A woman to keep from acting on his bisexual urges. I don't think he actually admitted them to himself for years. When we met we both knew that was it. He was the one for me, I was the one for him. I don't know how I would've reacted had he confided in me years ago. Maybe it took maturing to be able to just see it for what it is. He's the very same person I married over twenty years ago. Did he have to change to be married to me? Yep. He can't run after the women any more. He can't start chasing the men. Why? Because we are committed to being faithful to each other. Does he have an urge to run after either of those? Probably. But I was pretty darned popular with the men myself. Do I ever wish to re-experience the thrill of the chase and the intensity of the first encounters? Sometimes. We all have to change when we are in a monogamous relationship. Well, that is, we change if we've ever actually had multiple people we dated at one time. But nothing is ever free. You always give up some things to have other things. I give up $1500 a month to have a nice home. I could rent one for half that, but it wouldn't be MINE. Sometimes giving up temporary things (including blow jobs in the bookstore) is the price you pay for having something better. People who tell you they have it both ways are probably lying. In fact, I suspect they don't have it either way as often as they'd like you to believe. I am glad he finally told me. For us it opened a door to greater honesty and closeness. I think gay porn is cool. I think bisexual sneaking around and lying to your wife is sleazy. And for the people who think that men should just say "marriage be damned" think of this: No matter what you ever do in your life and that can include finding a cure for cancer when they close that coffin over your face and put you in the ground the main thing you will be remembered for is that your wife left you and took the kids because she found out you were sneaking around having sex with men. If you're ok with that, have at it.

[gen11]

It all comes down to this: Every marriage is different; none of us have a right to tell another closet bi how to conduct the marriage or his or her life. We each (and I am an intensely, deeply, behind-the-wallpaper-on-the-back-wall closeted, carefully active bi) have to find our own best way. Mine began by total surprise a decade into a very good marriage and I'm trying to follow the narrow path between psychologically and physically healthy (and healthily limited) active bisexuality and protecting my wife from the agony she'd experience by finding out. That is more dominant than my fear of the economic and emotional consequences to me of a ruined marriage. When in doubt, I don't -- to protect her. Now unless somebody has walked my exact path in my exact shoes, don't tell me what I ought to do otherwise.

[NjbiGuy01]

I played bi before getting married. I suppose I thought the desire would fade, but eventually I found myself meeting couples and playing MFM to fulfill the need. I did come out to the wife after being married, and she wasn't terribly happy about it. She did learn to accept it, and we've been together now approaching 30 years. I have not shared that I've played during the marriage (no, I personally don't think of MM or MFM as cheating, but no moral preaching here folks), however we have openly started discussing the possibility of "the right guy under the right circumstances" joining us. It's progress, albeit when we've been drinking and she gets mentally and physically more loose. We have shared the stories of men who can come onto me in spas or steamrooms on vacation, and how tempted I was, but didn't play (which I really didn't !). It was tempting, and she knows that, it gets her hot and wet, so maybe at some point.......I do play totally safe, and discrete. I have too much to lose in life with money, my kids and family, and my partnership with her.

[Gearbox]

No matter what you ever do in your life and that can include finding a cure for cancer when they close that coffin over your face and put you in the ground the main thing you will be remembered for is that your wife left you and took the kids because she found out you were sneaking around having sex with men. If you're ok with that, have at it.
Issues much?:eek2:
No Mickie sweetheart! That won't stop your hubby from cheating. Neither will a diet of gay porn and lectures about how monogamy is far more important than life itself until he's dead or divorced, will persuade one cheating bi male to 'come clean' to his wife.
That's pretty much a great incentive to keep schtum about non- monogamous activity when with a monogamy worshipping partner.

[Mickie]

Issues much?:eek2:
No Mickie sweetheart! That won't stop your hubby from cheating. Neither will a diet of gay porn and lectures about how monogamy is far more important than life itself until he's dead or divorced, will persuade one cheating bi male to 'come clean' to his wife.
That's pretty much a great incentive to keep schtum about non- monogamous activity when with a monogamy worshipping partner.

I'm sure you're right. But from a wife's point of view, at least if he continues to do what he's doing you've done everything and been straight up about what will happen if he continues to do it. No wishy washy, well, maybe I can handle it crap. And he'll get caught. We always pay for what we do, we just have to figure out if it's worth it. I'm way older than you, Gearbox. I remember the swinging swap parties of the 70's. I had friends who actually did that - including man to man and woman to woman sex. I don't know one single couple who stayed together. I do know one couple that tried to work through it and even re-married. For a minute. But, that's what cheaters do, I guess. They cheat.

[Gearbox]

Yes Mickie they marry, and they cheat. The No1 reason for that is (in my experience of cheaters) they fear that they wouldn't be allowed extramarital sex by their partners, and can't do without it.
They don't divorce their wives, nor leave them. They still love them and their children. So they protect her/him and self with deceit. That way everybody is happy until caught.

The deceit itself cause the harm, and not the sex. But it's a catch 22 situation in a monogamous relationship. Some can not be honest with their partners. It's not productive! They have better odds at a 'happy marriage' by being deceitful than being honest. It's a sad messy situation! One which is not uncommon in any partnership of any sexuality.
It has nothing to do with love, and ALL to do with acceptance.

What many many people seem unable to accept is that we are only here for a very short time, and we can not guarantee spending that time with the same person. Nor should we demand that we do, or fear that we don't.
Your hubby most probably has no intention of leaving you. If he did, there'd be nothing you could do to keep him. Same goes for cheating.
A wise lady told me that once. We are never in control of partners, so no point worrying about it. Will only give you ulcers.LOL. She's dead right!
Relax and just concern yourself with love.:)

[tenni]

My husband recently (well, a year or so ago) told me he is bisexual but that he's never cheated on me. I believe him. I think he sublimated the feelings for years before he met me and I'm thinking that's probably the main reason he didn't stay married to the other wives. I think he married a woman. Not THE woman. Just A woman to keep from acting on his bisexual urges. I don't think he actually admitted them to himself for years. When we met we both knew that was it. He was the one for me, I was the one for him. I don't know how I would've reacted had he confided in me years ago. Maybe it took maturing to be able to just see it for what it is. He's the very same person I married over twenty years ago. Did he have to change to be married to me? Yep. He can't run after the women any more. He can't start chasing the men. Why? Because we are committed to being faithful to each other. Does he have an urge to run after either of those? Probably. But I was pretty darned popular with the men myself. Do I ever wish to re-experience the thrill of the chase and the intensity of the first encounters? Sometimes. We all have to change when we are in a monogamous relationship. Well, that is, we change if we've ever actually had multiple people we dated at one time. But nothing is ever free. You always give up some things to have other things. I give up $1500 a month to have a nice home. I could rent one for half that, but it wouldn't be MINE. Sometimes giving up temporary things (including blow jobs in the bookstore) is the price you pay for having something better. People who tell you they have it both ways are probably lying. In fact, I suspect they don't have it either way as often as they'd like you to believe. I am glad he finally told me. For us it opened a door to greater honesty and closeness. I think gay porn is cool. I think bisexual sneaking around and lying to your wife is sleazy. And for the people who think that men should just say "marriage be damned" think of this: No matter what you ever do in your life and that can include finding a cure for cancer when they close that coffin over your face and put you in the ground the main thing you will be remembered for is that your wife left you and took the kids because she found out you were sneaking around having sex with men. If you're ok with that, have at it.


Mickie
I notice that you still have not started your own thread about your personal questions and issues? Why is that?

Do you understand how much society condemns male bisexuals more than female bisexuals? Societal condemnation of bimen is great. It is great that your marriage has grown in strength due to his disclosure finally about his bisexuality. It must have been a difficult struggle for him to admit it to himself and then feel comfortable enough to disclose to you.

Do you understand that there are probably several forms of bisexuality? The sexual urges for same sex activity vary in bimen. Some bisexual men can remain faithful to their wife and it doesn't bother them too much. It is quite different than a married man wanting another woman imo. For other bisexual men who are sexual, the urge and need is great for same sex activity. If he is a man who "needs" sex with other men, he (bisexual man) may not be happy within himself being monogamous.

Do you know for sure if he is one of the bi men that can be happy being monogamous just with his wife? If so, great! If not, think about these questions.
1/ Do you understand and accept that his (bi man) need for physical sex with a man has nothing to do with his love for you, his wife? He may not have any emotional attachment to the man. Discuss this with him if you have not.
2/ Which is more important to you, your husband being happy within himself or that he be monogamous to you?
3/ What is love is for you? (monogamy and sacrifice to the point of unhappiness with self for a bisexual man)

Are there rules that would permit you to accept him having sex with another man that you might be comfortable with?

Is it only monogamy or divorce for you? No compromising so that he may be happy within himself as a bisexual man.

[Mickie]

I haven't started my own thread, Tenni, cause I'm soooo enjoying everybody else's. I do, indeed, understand there are many aspects in every kind of sexuality. I'm sure there are many women who can accept the non-monogamous aspect just fine. Good for them. I actually think kindness is more important. And I think that if both people are on the same page and are happy with whatever they work out between the two of them that's exactly what they need to do. It's the anger and the barely disguised dislike of women/wives that bother me. If a man (or woman) is in a marriage and can sincerely say they're going to have sex with whomever/whatever they want no matter what it does to the other partner then you are dead on in your remarks. They should say "damn the marriage", man up and let the woman find somebody who shares her values. Are you married now or have you ever been married? Were you happy? Were you faithful? Are you still married to the same woman, if you have, indeed ever been married? I actually think you make good points in a lot of your postings. Maybe not the points you intended to make, but they are food for thought. It's obvious you have given this lots of thought.

[Mickie]

And, Tenni, in answer to your question "is that what love is to me"? No, it's not. If living with me in a monogamous relationship makes that person miserable with himself, he needs to go away. "Don't go away mad, just go away". I can find someone else who shares my values or I can make a perfectly happy life by myself. I'm fully growed. I seriously do not have him locked in my dungeon. But I do love myself enough and am selfish enough to do what I feel comfortable doing. At this point, I'm doing just that. I believe he is also. Will that be the way it is forever? Who knows. But I do know this - if he choses another path I won't curl up and die. Although, we're getting pretty deep into middle age. We might both just fall over.

[FinkDoodle]

I've never been married . . even before I discovered my bi side. I have this silly idea that marriage vows are supposed to be taken seriously and until I meet a woman to whom I can say them to with sincerity I really don't see the point in being a hypocrite by saying them to someone else and not mean it.

[Implanted]

My wife knew I was curious when we first met 8 years ago, but it's only been the last 2 years that I've considered myself truely bisexual. I came out to her first though, so I'm lucky that I have a relationship where my greatest confidant is also my spouse.

The two of us are deeply entrenched in the local kink community and that has made it easier for us. We've also recently become polyamorous, so my freedom to explore is realized exponentially. What now restricts me the most is that I refuse to be sexual with someone who is hiding from another partner.

My gut reaction, like many people here, is to say "come out to your spouse/lover. It will be better in the long run," and while I believe that, I fully recognise that some people are not in situations where such openess would be benificial. Sometimes the love or need to stay with a partner is stronger than the desire to be open. Some people are more comfortable with the fantasy than they are with the reality. Some have taken great measures and made significant sacrifices in order to get where they are now and value that more than the freedom we'd all like to enjoy. Some are just not ready.

Although my co-workers and family back home would accept me if I told them I was a kinky polyamorous bisexual, there's just no reason for them to know. If they ask, I will divulge, but only then. I'm lucky enough to be out to my wife and closest friends, but that's as far as it goes.

Although I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone who isn't open to their spouse or partner, I fully recognize their need to be descrete. I'm not in their head. I can't make their decisions. I refuse to sleep with them...

...but I refuse to judge them as well.

[tenni]

Mickie
Yes, I was married and monogamous during that marriage. I did not even know about the word bisexual at that time let alone its meaning. I have been cheated on by a female lover and so I know the pain caused by cheating.

Some people see love as wanting their partner(s) to be happy and do what they can to help them be happy. Their self esteem is strong and they are not threatened by their bisexual partner having sex with a same gendered person. They consider it caring and kindness on their part to give their partner the freedom to explore their sexuality regardless of mainstream taboo against it. The bisexual may love you and want to be with you but have needs that you are not able to fulfill. It doesn't mean that you are a failure for not meeting their needs. I believe that no one person can meet every need of another person.

Are you really here to learn about your bisexual mate and open to learning and expanding your boundaries? Are you here to re affirm your belief about what a marriage is ..a monogamous relationship that bisexuals must fit into? Based on what you have written and how you have acted on this site, I suspect that it is the latter? Good luck you and your spouse. Do continue talking to him. Try to be open to his thoughts. Invite him to this site if he is not already here.(or sites just for bimen if he would be more comfortable there) May you both find happiness.

[Mickie]

Tenni, I'm way more sympathetic than you think. I just have to gather my facts first. I just call a spade a spade. If a guy (or woman) wants to stay married and have sex with other people and they aren't married to me, they have that right. But there is a price to pay for everything we do. I see such unrealistic expectations voiced it hurts my heart for them. It is so easy to sit with a laptop in one's lap and give opinions that may be construed to be advice. I just read the most hurtful "book" (and I use that term loosely, manifesto would be more appropriate) about how awful/sinful/spawns of the devil bisexual or gay men that marry women are. And this from a so called counselor. She needs a really good hair pulling. I think there must be a middle ground somewhere. And thank you for being so sweet. I think underneath that prickly exterior you actually DO have a big ol heart in there.

[darkeyes]

Tenni, I'm way more sympathetic than you think. I just have to gather my facts first. I just call a spade a spade. If a guy (or woman) wants to stay married and have sex with other people and they aren't married to me, they have that right. But there is a price to pay for everything we do. I see such unrealistic expectations voiced it hurts my heart for them. It is so easy to sit with a laptop in one's lap and give opinions that may be construed to be advice. I just read the most hurtful "book" (and I use that term loosely, manifesto would be more appropriate) about how awful/sinful/spawns of the devil bisexual or gay men that marry women are. And this from a so called counselor. She needs a really good hair pulling. I think there must be a middle ground somewhere. And thank you for being so sweet. I think underneath that prickly exterior you actually DO have a big ol heart in there.
He does.. he is just such a bloody awkward sod..:eek2:.. but fun to take issue wiv and slap down hey tenni babes???;)

[csrakate]

Tenni, I'm way more sympathetic than you think. I just have to gather my facts first. I just call a spade a spade. If a guy (or woman) wants to stay married and have sex with other people and they aren't married to me, they have that right. But there is a price to pay for everything we do. I see such unrealistic expectations voiced it hurts my heart for them. It is so easy to sit with a laptop in one's lap and give opinions that may be construed to be advice. I just read the most hurtful "book" (and I use that term loosely, manifesto would be more appropriate) about how awful/sinful/spawns of the devil bisexual or gay men that marry women are. And this from a so called counselor. She needs a really good hair pulling. I think there must be a middle ground somewhere. And thank you for being so sweet. I think underneath that prickly exterior you actually DO have a big ol heart in there.

Hey Mickie,
When I joined this site seven years ago, I thought a great deal like you....I was a staunch, dried in the wool believer in complete and total monogamy and I refused to see things any differently. I also thought I had accepted my husband's sexuality during our marriage but I soon realized I hadn't been accepting, nor had I been understanding....I was neither. My husband had told me he was bi before we married and since he promised monogamy, I thought nothing more about his sexuality. In other words....I ignored it...totally and completely. He still hid from me whenever he looked at gay porn and in the event I did run across him doing so, I also did so with a bit of shock, a great deal of fear and a nice dose of anger. Thanks to the people of this site, I have come to not only accept his sexuality, but I have embraced it. Does that mean that I believe in cheating? No....far from it....but I no longer condemn people who find themselves in situations where they feel they can not be true to their spouses or themselves and find that they must choose to step silently away from their marriage in order to explore themselves. No one is asking you to allow your husband to cheat. But please allow yourself to open your mind just a bit to perhaps see the issues that other bisexuals face in their situations and not condemn them across the board just because they are doing something you don't want for your marriage. I can already tell that you are very open minded about sexuality and I applaud you for that. You must conduct your marriage to YOUR satisfaction and to the satisfaction of your spouse so I would never presume to tell you otherwise. I am simply asking you to take the time to listen....to read the forums with a bit more of an open mind. You will find that many will frustrate you...even anger you....but before you react....simply realize that to them, there may be no alternative. And for every frustrating, anger inducing thread that you read, there are just as many that will inspire you and touch your heart. All I am asking is that you give us a bit of time....let us share what we have learned with you and we will certainly look forward to learning things FROM you as well.

I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world. Your husband is very lucky that he has you to talk to and now, if you wish....you have US to talk to. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions that you prefer not to ask in the public forum. Welcome to this site and I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.

Hugs,
Kate

PS...You are right about tenni....he does have a big 'ol heart! I speak from experience as I used to butt heads with him over the very same topic that you and he have exchanged posts over. I used to get frustrated and angry....but then I decided to actually listen to him and in doing so, I gained a better insight as to what the bisexual man faces...the daily dilemmas of trying to be true to themselves vs. being true to another. Toss in a judgmental society and a not so understanding spouse and you have a recipe for marital disaster. Tenni put things into perspective for me and showed me that things aren't always rosy in a marriage such as ours and it certainly isn't black and white. I don't always agree with him, but I do allow him his opinion and sometimes he is right.....Damn it! LOL! Hate to have to admit that LOL! BUT....in the very same vein, tenni has also started to listen to me....and while he may not always agree with me, he respects me and that is something I'd rather have. I'd much rather be respected than right!

[dick_pumper]

Dare I put in my two cents? Of course, why not. I have been married for nearly 7 years. Our sex life went from a few times a week to once a year for the past couple. I love my wiife but I will not be in a sexless marriage. Since I had a few M2M experiences in High school I have been thinking about a fwb situation. I don't want to leave my wife but I can't go on spending the rest of my life masturbating. I want the touch and feel of another body next to me, in me, making love to me. And me doing the same in return. I want my cake and eat it too. I have no intention of telling my wife about the attraction to guys. Some of you will agree, some will not. I know there are many here among us that are in the same or similar boat. You have to do what you think is right, not what someone tells you is right. My coming out is not an option. I have to much going for me and to tell her I want the company of men as well as women, would be like lighting a fuse under everything I have worked for. So I sit here in the closet, looking for my FWB, and we will see how it goes. What the wife doesn't know won't hurt her. As long as nothing is brought home.
This is my opinion, and like assholes, everyone has one. Most of them stink. For those who have come out to a understanding wife, I applaude you. For the others that are married and not out, and are meeting on the side, I applaude you as well. Life is short and you need to do what makes you happy.

[Mickie]

I know women who are so stingy with their affection if I was married to them I'd be strolling the streets. And hateful? whoooo eeeee.

[cbb83]

So tired of the stereotypes. It is 100% possible to be bisexual, and have a monogamous relationship with just one person and be satisfied. Just because you love both genders and are equally sexually attracted to both doesn't mean you have to have multiple partners to be fulfilled.

[opentoitiguess]

Dare I put in my two cents? Of course, why not. I have been married for nearly 7 years. Our sex life went from a few times a week to once a year for the past couple. I love my wiife but I will not be in a sexless marriage. Since I had a few M2M experiences in High school I have been thinking about a fwb situation. I don't want to leave my wife but I can't go on spending the rest of my life masturbating. I want the touch and feel of another body next to me, in me, making love to me. And me doing the same in return. I want my cake and eat it too. I have no intention of telling my wife about the attraction to guys. Some of you will agree, some will not. I know there are many here among us that are in the same or similar boat. You have to do what you think is right, not what someone tells you is right. My coming out is not an option. I have to much going for me and to tell her I want the company of men as well as women, would be like lighting a fuse under everything I have worked for. So I sit here in the closet, looking for my FWB, and we will see how it goes. What the wife doesn't know won't hurt her. As long as nothing is brought home.
This is my opinion, and like assholes, everyone has one. Most of them stink. For those who have come out to a understanding wife, I applaude you. For the others that are married and not out, and are meeting on the side, I applaude you as well. Life is short and you need to do what makes you happy.

You don't give a damn about your wife. I have tried to reason with bi men and understand and ignore the labels,but if any woman ever comes to me for advice on bi men,I'll point her to this and say this sums it up. Why marry her? You're using her as a cover up. WOOOOW just wow. You don't know what you can bring home. She didn't choose to marry a bi male nor have a cheating dog. Just leave the poor woman alone because if you get sloppy and bring something home,she has full right to do a number on you.

[æonpax]

After reading this thread, I'm surprised that no one has brought up the real issue here; "Fidelity." To quote from this article by Hugo Schwyzer about BiFidelity;



In more than a quarter-century of thinking, writing, and eventually teaching about male bisexuality, I’ve become convinced that the inability to accept the reality of bisexuality in men is linked to fears about fidelity. The myth that men are naturally promiscuous while women are naturally monogamous endures. So we assume that a bisexual woman can make a commitment to either a man or a woman, and that she’ll be able to stay faithful. But we already think straight men have a hard enough time remaining true—the expectation that a bisexual man will invariably cheat is high.

…I can’t speak for every man who has dealt with a lifetime of sexual attraction to both men and women. But I can speak from my own experience, which is that monogamy is no harder for bisexuals than it is for straight or gay folks. Even if you’re only sexually attracted to females, there’s no way your wife or girlfriend can possibly embody everything that draws you to women. http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2011/05/10/bi-fidelity/



Infidelity is something that crosses all human barriers. Both genders do it and all orientations do it. There are no quick and easy answers.

As with most problems involving human dynamics, you have to know yourself first then be honest with yourself. I have never been married partly because I see the sheer agony and bitter pain people have gone through after finding out their partner has been unfaithful. I've been party to such things. I will not commit myself by vow or oath to a relationship where I feel there is even a slight chance I will violate it.

Mistakes are one thing. Us humans are weak. But before I require my mate to consummate their life to me alone, I want to make sure I have the certitude that I can do it myself.

To thine own self, be true.

[dick_pumper]

opentoitiguess? In a pigs ass. How can you call yourself "open to it I guess" when you don't seem at the least open to it? Of course you will side with the woman. When we got married, it was to be forever. But within a year of marriage and sex dropped to hardly nothing, that was not in the plan and if I mention she see a doctor to find out why she thinks sex once a year is good she tells me I should see a doctor to find out why at 45 I want sex 3 times a week. She wanted me to go to the doctor to see if he could give me something to make me fine with once a year sex. FUCK HER! I am the healthy normal one. I know women older then she is who want sex once a day. As far as bringing something home, I am out looking for a fwb, who is in the same situation as I am and we will be able to fulfill our M2M desires and that it will only be us two so we don't bring anything home to our spouses. Of course, with my wife wanting sex once a year, I shouldn't have much to worry about.

[JP1986UM]

I am married and NOT sneaking around. Came out to the wife 4 yrs ago. It took time and patience and a few rules we set to deal with it, but being able to be myself was life saving. I could go out with bisexual groups in Chicago and even gay groups not having to worry if she was going to panic that I was out having anonymous sex all the time. I took her with me to show her that they didn't have horns, pus dripping from their ears, or psychiatric conditions unknown to medicine.

Eventually she gave me the go ahead to find a boyfriend. After a lot of hunting, I found one. We are both happy.

[cjoe400]

Count me in as one. Not sure why but I just like both a woman and a guy. Wife has no clue tho and would never understand. Closet it is for me.

[Vuillardgr]

If she doesn't like it tough shit? Wow, if you are involved with a woman, I feel sorry for her. As long as you are happy, you will stomp over her feelings at will. Whether one is hetero, gay, bi, etc. doesn't give anyone the right to be an insensitive asshole. If you are incapable of considering others, relationships aren't for you.

[tenni]

I am married and NOT sneaking around. Came out to the wife 4 yrs ago. It took time and patience and a few rules we set to deal with it, but being able to be myself was life saving. I could go out with bisexual groups in Chicago and even gay groups not having to worry if she was going to panic that I was out having anonymous sex all the time. I took her with me to show her that they didn't have horns, pus dripping from their ears, or psychiatric conditions unknown to medicine.

Eventually she gave me the go ahead to find a boyfriend. After a lot of hunting, I found one. We are both happy.

JP
That is great! I am happy for you. It is helpful for all of us to read more successful stories.

For those who are turning this thread into a biman bash, read the section in JP where he states that it was "life saving". Many mistakes may be made on both sides. I thought that this thread was a group self disclosure thread without judgement?

OP's premise of this thread

"HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW."

[The Bisexual Virgin]

If she doesn't like it tough shit? Wow, if you are involved with a woman, I feel sorry for her. As long as you are happy, you will stomp over her feelings at will. Whether one is hetero, gay, bi, etc. doesn't give anyone the right to be an insensitive asshole. If you are incapable of considering others, relationships aren't for you.

Exactly. I agree with a 110%.But that message always falls on deaf ears.

[tenni]

Which post number has "If she doesn't like it tough shit?" other than Vuillardgr's post?


This thread started in 2007.

[Vuillardgr]

Exactly. I agree with a 110%.But that message always falls on deaf ears.

Thanks. I have read some of your posts and I am in agreement with you on certain issues. I've been reading several MMF romance/erotic ebooks. I must admit, in a way I believe it would be extremely intriguing to have a bisexual boyfriend. At the same time, I'm not sure how realistic that would be for me. I would never want to hold anyone back from what they need or wanted. I'd never ask someone to ignore an important part of themselves. That being said, it would hurt like hell. I read an MMF ebook called "Heart and Soul" by Ashley Ladd, it's a short read.. just over 100 pages. Anyway, the woman, Mischa is engaged to Steve whom she has known for a year. They are happy and in love and have extremely explosive sex. Then one evening he takes her to this club downtown she has never been to. He informs her that he wants him to meet his best friend Vin. When they get inside the club, he spots Vin and he goes up to him and they have a passionate kiss and embrace. So she is just standing there, utterly shocked. She had no idea . Oh and Vin is married and his wife is pregnant. and she knows about Vin and Steve. Those guys have been lovers for 3 years before he met Mischa. So she runs out of the club and he follows her. He is upset with her because she hurt Vin's feelings. He tells her he is overreacting because he isn't cheating on her because Vin is a man. I couldn't believe what I was reading! This guy's logic was unreal to me. If you are involved with someone else without your partner knowing, that is fucking cheating...no matter if it's same or opposite sex.

I won't ruin the whole thing for you in case you want to read it, but Mischa reacted like many would. That doesn't make her biphobic or insensitive. She had to work out things in a way that was right for her.

If a guy tells his woman he is bisexual, I think understanding and tact is in order on both sides. But I am a realist, most women may have to take a step back and decide if this is something they can truly accept. It's not about being cruel or hateful. i believe women should go out of their way not to say anything mean or hurtful. Unless he has cheated and lie. Then you should blast his ass for that, but never for him actually being bisexual.

I don't know if I can just sit and wait for him to come home after romancing and being intimate with someone else. What if I am going through some really difficult times and I really need my guy and I can't have him because he's with his man and it's not my turn? But what can I say if I have agreed to it? Maybe it's true that him being with someone else doesn't diminish his feelings for you. That the heart is multifaceted. But when your love isn't there for you because he has another love in his life, that would be a difficult mantra to recite to yourself in a cold bed.

Just a few of my thoughts.....

[silvert75]

I told my wife before we were married, she thought it was just a passing phase until here recently when I told her that my urges are getting stronger. we have been married nearly 20 years and now she finally gets it, infact I have been given the go ahead and line someone up for (us)...cool huh? yes sometimes it does pay to be honest and patient.
I never did in all our years go outside our marriage but let me tell you I sure as hell felt like I was going to explode, I was ready for a dark alley, parking lot, bathroom, break room or any other encounter I could find..lol

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Thanks. I have read some of your posts and I am in agreement with you on certain issues. I've been reading several MMF romance/erotic ebooks. I must admit, in a way I believe it would be extremely intriguing to have a bisexual boyfriend. At the same time, I'm not sure how realistic that would be for me. I would never want to hold anyone back from what they need or wanted. I'd never ask someone to ignore an important part of themselves. That being said, it would hurt like hell. I read an MMF ebook called "Heart and Soul" by Ashley Ladd, it's a short read.. just over 100 pages. Anyway, the woman, Mischa is engaged to Steve whom she has known for a year. They are happy and in love and have extremely explosive sex. Then one evening he takes her to this club downtown she has never been to. He informs her that he wants him to meet his best friend Vin. When they get inside the club, he spots Vin and he goes up to him and they have a passionate kiss and embrace. So she is just standing there, utterly shocked. She had no idea . Oh and Vin is married and his wife is pregnant. and she knows about Vin and Steve. Those guys have been lovers for 3 years before he met Mischa. So she runs out of the club and he follows her. He is upset with her because she hurt Vin's feelings. He tells her he is overreacting because he isn't cheating on her because Vin is a man. I couldn't believe what I was reading! This guy's logic was unreal to me. If you are involved with someone else without your partner knowing, that is fucking cheating...no matter if it's same or opposite sex.

I won't ruin the whole thing for you in case you want to read it, but Mischa reacted like many would. That doesn't make her biphobic or insensitive. She had to work out things in a way that was right for her.

If a guy tells his woman he is bisexual, I think understanding and tact is in order on both sides. But I am a realist, most women may have to take a step back and decide if this is something they can truly accept. It's not about being cruel or hateful. i believe women should go out of their way not to say anything mean or hurtful. Unless he has cheated and lie. Then you should blast his ass for that, but never for him actually being bisexual.

I don't know if I can just sit and wait for him to come home after romancing and being intimate with someone else. What if I am going through some really difficult times and I really need my guy and I can't have him because he's with his man and it's not my turn? But what can I say if I have agreed to it? Maybe it's true that him being with someone else doesn't diminish his feelings for you. That the heart is multifaceted. But when your love isn't there for you because he has another love in his life, that would be a difficult mantra to recite to yourself in a cold bed.

Just a few of my thoughts.....

I just read a few reviews of the book, and it was not too good. In fact they hated it calling Steven a selfish lying cheating bastard. I might read the book but I have read it for free,cause I be damn if I spend money on a mmf book were the girl sets idly by while her boyfriend is cheating on her, and she gets a shitty unhappy ending. Does Steven even love Mishca?

[Vuillardgr]

I just read a few reviews of the book, and it was not too good. In fact they hated it calling Steven a selfish lying cheating bastard. I might read the book but I have read it for free,cause I be damn if I spend money on a mmf book were the girl sets idly by while her boyfriend is cheating on her, and she gets a shitty unhappy ending. Does Steven even love Mishca?

Wait, let's step back a second. Forget the reviews, that's someone else's opinion. She is happy in the end and he is in love with her. Do I have my issues with Steve, yes but ..he does love her. I think whether a relationship is mono or poly, we all have to know what he can and cant accept. We all have to negotiate and have honesty. That's important. Don't worry about Mischa, she gave him what for and kicked his ass out...like I said, she worked through it her way.....it probably would have taken me alot longer, but that's me. We cant project our expectations on someone. We can only know ourselves and be honest with whomever we are with.... but yes, people need time to work through anger, resentment, insecurity, etc etc

[tenni]

Post 90
Vulliard wrote
"He is upset with her because she hurt Vin's feelings. He tells her he is overreacting because he isn't cheating on her because Vin is a man. I couldn't believe what I was reading! This guy's logic was unreal to me. If you are involved with someone else without your partner knowing, that is fucking cheating...no matter if it's same or opposite sex."

I noticed that Vulliard lists herself as straight. She comes to this site for a reason. There is nothing written in her profile about why she is on this site.

Bi men should present themselves better than the main male character did. He was being deceptive with the woman for a year. It is not his belief that it is not cheating if you do not have sex with the same gender of your partner that was wrong though. He should have given his belief earlier. As a bisexual man, I understand his thinking. He did not present the issue in the best manner or the best time. Then again, look how she reacted when finally told. Had she asked him if he would be monosexual or merely assumed that he would be? I don't think that his comment about upsetting his male first lover made sense to me though. It reads foolishly dumb for him to think that way under the circumstance.

Why did he not disclose earlier? He seemed to have no problem disclosing to his first lover..the other biguy. Why do some married bimen not disclose? Proof is in the pudding my dear deers caught in the headlights...lol

[Mickie]

Tenni, I don't know what happened to make you such a woman hater and so bitter, but from your posts I'm certain you played a major part in the debacle. You make me sure I'd never want to even visit Canada. To single handedly sabotage your country's tourism bureau is pretty sad.

[Vuillardgr]

Post 90
Vulliard wrote
"He is upset with her because she hurt Vin's feelings. He tells her he is overreacting because he isn't cheating on her because Vin is a man. I couldn't believe what I was reading! This guy's logic was unreal to me. If you are involved with someone else without your partner knowing, that is fucking cheating...no matter if it's same or opposite sex."

I noticed that Vulliard lists herself as straight. She comes to this site for a reason. There is nothing written in her profile about why she is on this site.

Bi men should present themselves better than the main male character did. He was being deceptive with the woman for a year. It is not his belief that it is not cheating if you do not have sex with the same gender of your partner that was wrong though. He should have given his belief earlier. As a bisexual man, I understand his thinking. He did not present the issue in the best manner or the best time. Then again, look how she reacted when finally told. Had she asked him if he would be monosexual or merely assumed that he would be? I don't think that his comment about upsetting his male first lover made sense to me though. It reads foolishly dumb for him to think that way under the circumstance.

Why did he not disclose earlier? He seemed to have no problem disclosing to his first lover..the other biguy. Why do some married bimen not disclose? Proof is in the pudding my dear deers caught in the headlights...lol

Everyone comes to this site for a reason and I wasn't aware that I had to list why. Now concerning your comment about the characters of the book. However Mischa reacted about Steve's bisexuality, he should have told her upfront. It's ultimately Mischa's choice if she wants to be in a relationship with a bisexual man. She deserved to know that Steve's "guy's night out" was spent at Vin's house and they were fucking each other's brains out. Fear or no fear, you have to be honest. We all have the right to change the dynamic of the relationship if we aren't getting what we need from our partner, after we have been honest.

But I am glad to hear that you agree he could have told her in a different way.

[tenni]

Mickie and Vulliaard. You seem to be on this site to create dissension and negative portrayals of bisexual men. Yes, the character, Steve, should have told her long ago and how he told her is ridiculous. Steve is an dumb arse idiot character who probably kicks puppies..lol. As a biguy, the premise and plot of this book is stupid. Why a hetero woman wants to be on this site and make posts that show bimen negatively to the point of being fek'n depressing is confusing to the point of the T word. Your only purpose on this site seems to be here to create dissension and argument. Your posts do not help and support bisexuals. Are you catching anything with your bait? :yikes2::suave:

[BiRobb]

If you are "secretly" bisexual and you went into the marriage knowing this, and just never told your fiance (who is now your wife) then you have failed your marriage from the very start. Even if you don't actively pursue same sex relationships. If you were not sure and got married that's a different story since confusion about sexuality can be a one of the most difficult things to work out for any individual. I assume that when you say "hiding it" you mean your relationships with men not just your attraction. If that's the case then essentially you are asking how to successfully cheat on your spouse and not get caught... well, you don't need to ask just men how to do that anyone can cheat and be successful.

I feel sorry for anyone, male or female that can't tell their spouse about their sexual desires; it must be a horrible weight to bear, but that doesn't make your responsibility of full disclosure of what your spouse has a right to know about your wants and needs any less. And, if only for the sake of children you are staying in the marriage then you should consider your options and think about moving on. If their are no children involved and you don't intend to cheat, then you still need to tell that person, or you will probably feel unsatisfied for the duration of the marriage and in the end is that what you really want?

[Vuillardgr]

Mickie and Vulliaard. You seem to be on this site to create dissension and negative portrayals of bisexual men. Yes, the character, Steve, should have told her long ago and how he told her is ridiculous. Steve is an dumb arse idiot character who probably kicks puppies..lol. As a biguy, the premise and plot of this book is stupid. Why a hetero woman wants to be on this site and make posts that show bimen negatively to the point of being fek'n depressing is confusing to the point of the T word. Your only purpose on this site seems to be here to create dissension and argument. Your posts do not help and support bisexuals. Are you catching anything with your bait? :yikes2::suave:


First, you have no right to make accusations. Tenni, you don't know me and you don't know why I am here. I was just telling her about characters in a book . By no means am I trying to portray all bisexual men as lying cheats. If you have read all of my posts you would know that. You can't fathom why a straight woman would be on this site....really???? Either you are truly ignorant or you are playing coy. Trust me, neither are cute. I am on this site to try and understand. To see how others have dealt with alternative relationships and how they worked through their issues. As I've stated before, no one should be bashed for who they are.

It seems to me you are only here to make wild negative generalizations of women and how they react and deal with their man and issues. You are mean and short sided and if anyone is looking to bait people....it's you

And btw, Steve wasn't a bad guy. Did he go about things the wrong way? Hell yes. But he loves Mischa and he never gave up on her while she was working through her feelings concerning his relationship with Vin.

[Vuillardgr]

If you are "secretly" bisexual and you went into the marriage knowing this, and just never told your fiance (who is now your wife) then you have failed your marriage from the very start. Even if you don't actively pursue same sex relationships. If you were not sure and got married that's a different story since confusion about sexuality can be a one of the most difficult things to work out for any individual. I assume that when you say "hiding it" you mean your relationships with men not just your attraction. If that's the case then essentially you are asking how to successfully cheat on your spouse and not get caught... well, you don't need to ask just men how to do that anyone can cheat and be successful.

I feel sorry for anyone, male or female that can't tell their spouse about their sexual desires; it must be a horrible weight to bear, but that doesn't make your responsibility of full disclosure of what your spouse has a right to know about your wants and needs any less. And, if only for the sake of children you are staying in the marriage then you should consider your options and think about moving on. If their are no children involved and you don't intend to cheat, then you still need to tell that person, or you will probably feel unsatisfied for the duration of the marriage and in the end is that what you really want?


I agree whole heartedly.

[bikurinpa]

I been married for 22 yrs, and been Bi since early years with my brothers before married, I found the best way to work it is as a friendship, some one who can be as a regular friend, and when get chance to get off alone then take care of business, but looking for a guy to be a friend with and is Bi and local is extremely hard to find, it is easier to find a needle in a hay field then an bi friend!

[luvtocum]

I could never tell my wife of my Bi side. We have an excellent marriage and i could never make her understand. For 10 years i have had a regular Bi bud to satisfy our dark sides. He too is happily married with kids, so we meet once a week have have a ton of fun. So we just keep on keeping on. All is good.

[jackbirdjay]

Before I married my wife told her I was bicurious even thou I been with guys in the past. She is understanding and in bed has done things for me in the sex department. We got married in 1990 I only been with one guy since then. We have talked about a 3 way but I get mix singels from her. Some times she's hot on the idea some times cold to the idea. I think it's mostly because of the kids, she wouldn't want them to find out.

[Gr8Butt4U]

I know this is a older post but I have some things in common with several others who have posted to this thread. Wife don't know and there is no need for her to know. Reason, I want to keep this roof I have over my head......She would not be that understanding...Plus she knows how to shoot!

[heefnut]

I know this is a older post but I have some things in common with several others who have posted to this thread. Wife don't know and there is no need for her to know. Reason, I want to keep this roof I have over my head......She would not be that understanding...Plus she knows how to shoot!

Same thing going on with me, although the wife knows I have expiramented in the last year.

[Biappeal]

My wife knows that I'm bi. It took years before I let on that I am turned on by other guys. Luckily, she gets turned on by the idea! I'm still looking for the perfect experience to tell her about later :)

[Ebonybifemme7]

Man, this is a deep thread and a very deep subject. As a single bisexual

woman, if I was married to a man, I wouldn't know how I would react if my

husband told me he was bi. (If he was cheating on me with another man

without me knowing, dont think I would be too happy about that, or for a

woman for that matter). I actually want to write a story on this. I think a

lot of straight (and even some bi) women act like this world is so far removed

from them, when in actuality it is not. (I've actually meant bisexual women

who do not like gay and bisexual men). A lot of bi men out there, even more

than bi women. The only thing I would be able to do is support him and

understand him and love him in the best way possible. And try my best to

understand what he feels inside and why he is the way that he is. Instead of

trying to demonize him. Now I do believe there are good bisexuals and bad

bisexuals (I'm assuming most of the people on here are good bi's). Now me, I

think that its good to have an open and honest relationship with your

husband or wife, no matter what your orientation. And who you guys bring in

the bedroom, and what type of relationship you guys have is YOUR

BUSINESS and nobody else.

[falcondfw]

Man, this is a deep thread and a very deep subject. As a single bisexual

woman, if I was married to a man, I wouldn't know how I would react if my

husband told me he was bi. (If he was cheating on me with another man

without me knowing, dont think I would be too happy about that, or for a

woman for that matter). I actually want to write a story on this. I think a

lot of straight (and even some bi) women act like this world is so far removed

from them, when in actuality it is not. (I've actually meant bisexual women

who do not like gay and bisexual men). A lot of bi men out there, even more

than bi women. The only thing I would be able to do is support him and

understand him and love him in the best way possible. And try my best to

understand what he feels inside and why he is the way that he is. Instead of

trying to demonize him. Now I do believe there are good bisexuals and bad

bisexuals (I'm assuming most of the people on here are good bi's). Now me, I

think that its good to have an open and honest relationship with your

husband or wife, no matter what your orientation. And who you guys bring in

the bedroom, and what type of relationship you guys have is YOUR

BUSINESS and nobody else.

How can anyone argue with an attitude like that? Very cool attitude. If you choose to get married, you will make a wonderful wife with that attitude.

[flasher]

Same here. Married bi oral. Love to suck, but don't care if I get sucked or not. Visit adult book stores when I can get away from the little woman, which isn't often enough. Used to love gloryhole action, but can't find them anymore. Use buddy booth, or just open my door and let somebody in. Also love to sit in my booth and have some guy stand in front of me while I'm naked and I jerk him off all over my chest, then take him in my mouth and suck the last stubborn squirt out of him as he shrivels back down. Especially fun when other guy(s) are standing in the doorway watching my performance.

[ageless57]

hi yes my wife found out that way too and I told her I would not go there anymore and deleated that account she had suspicions earlier found me online looking at pics but shrubed it off but now I really am thinking about telling the truth about it would be the firsttime telling anyone in the straight world don't know hate lieing about it when I have strong feelings about being with men good luck to you maybe she will cool off soon

[JackTexas94]

In the closet here too...but have my occasional outlets :rolleyes:

[bigtime2013]

been married for 34 yrs, yet i enjoy giving bj's, such a turn on as i suck.

[Newbeetexas]

Me too. Love to chat and talk about

[april37z]

Hi all im married and secretly bi...wife does not know. I do play on occasion on the side.

[oldoralman]

I'm married and Bi. I think my wife knows it but she hasn't come out and said it. I've hinted to her how much I like cock. I've had great sex with 3 males. I just took the chance. When you want it bad enough you'll do it.

[Cutiliae]

I could never tell my wife of my Bi side. We have an excellent marriage and i could never make her understand. For 10 years i have had a regular Bi bud to satisfy our dark sides. He too is happily married with kids, so we meet once a week have have a ton of fun. So we just keep on keeping on. All is good.

Dito for me except my Bi bud is 800 miles away so we only hook up once or twice per year. I have been looking for a married Bi bud close to home but no luck.

[cuttin2dachase]

I've been much luckier than most bi married men. 1st wife encouraged mm play in our swinging mfmf 4somes and mfm 3somes and I never had to keep my cocklust secret (nor did she !). I had to give up my secret bi swinger side for a while for my 2nd wife, but when I was fortunate enough to leave her to her married bf 5 years ago, I was able to pick up where I left off and be free to meet men (or other women or couples) anytime I can ! I am technically married still, but there's only a piece of paper filed away in a country-ass North Carolina hicktown courthouse to signify it ! I call that town "Bizarro Mayberry" LOL

[hauna]

yes. Love both sides. Sometimes the sheer pleasure having a cock inside me is sooo nice

[victorcurious123]

Married. Bicurious off late. May become officially bi in some time :)

[Fzmr9t]

Shhhhhh.. 56 here and have been curious and 'semi-active' since my mid 40s.

[Ethan L]

I'm bi woman I share something for you guys,click this>>> "http@@==www==bisexualmingle) d0t C0M/"<<< which is a dating and social networking site for those who identify as bi-curious, bisexual, intersex, or romantic asexual that are in search of a individual or threesome relationships.

[eccles]

hi my wife doesn't have a clue well I don't fink she does .I don't get much chance to meet many guys for fun when I do its mind blowing I make the most as I don't no how long be I get it again

[Ethan L]

I am really excited to share "http@@==www==bisexualmingle) d0t C0M/", a dating and social networking site for those who identify as bi-curious, bisexual, intersex, or romantic asexual that are in search of a individual or threesome relationships.

[Jorja]

It has always been a mystery to me as to why men are so afraid to be who they truly are for fear of rejection yet, marry anyway just to live their lives in misery? Why do you settle? Have you ever thought that the woman you eventually do tell are just as upset about being lied to as they are to learn the man they thought they knew, isn't that person at all? There is so much stigma attached to the idea of bisexual men, that men don't speak up. In the end though, what are they complaining about or questioning if it was themselves that got them in the situation in the first place? You cannot even pose the opposite question, how would a man feel if their wife confessed to the same secret? Just so happens, men for the most part are ok with that but, what if she came to you with something else? Would you just accept it and move on or would you feel lied to and betrayed? Be honest with yourself and those whom you claim to love, honesty is one of the biggest parts of a relationship, once shattered, hard to glue back together.

[Coast bi racer]

I am married and not secretly bi. I came out to my wife about 6 months after we got married although I told her that i had fooled around with guys before when I was younger long before we got married and she was ok with that. Then I came out telling her that I was still bi and had sexual feelings toward guys and she was hesitant at first and a little upset but eventually we came to an agreement that I could find a partner to fool around with as long as he was also married and out to his wife. She has no interests in bringing it in to our bedroom in the form of a threesome and she is not bi at all. So it was hard for her to understand at first. She knows that I have a dildo collection that I play with on occasion too and doesn't really have any interest with that either. So she lets me explore as long as I'm safe and she is informed if I go out of our marriage sexually.

[bimwm75241]

Mark Bentley Cohen wrote a pretty good book about his own coming out in Confessions of A Bisexual Husband. I have been hooking up with guys for 7 years now. I am very careful and disciplined about not being discovered. I have been crossdressing for 40 years and never got caught so that experience helps.

[loftycraig]

HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.i am married and bi. i dont do it on the side, she has no clue and is homophobic. i get my pleasure drom sites like this

[Ltsp123]

I am married, have kids, am in my 40s and bi but haven’t been with a guy since I got married. I come to websites like this and masturbate to gay and bi porn as an outlet. By all appearances we are a conservative church going family so my wife would flip if she ever found out about my bi desires and some of the experiences I have had. I have never cheated on my wife and figure it is best just to keep this side of me a secret. This goes along with the fact that I am very attracted to and want to have sex with several of my wife’s female friends. With all of this I figure sometimes it is better to keep my desires buried inside.

[Fzmr9t]

There is no way I could come out to my wife without losing everything, both emotionally and financially. Even though she's not interested in sex, if she ever found out that I was visiting this site, it would be over.

dude, are you married to my wife?

[sulkey2006]

I am married, have kids, am in my 40s and bi but haven’t been with a guy since I got married.I come to websites like this and masturbate to gay and bi porn as an outlet.By all appearances we are a conservative church going family so my wife would flip if she ever found out about my bi desires and some of the experiences I have had.I have never cheated on my wife and figure it is best just to keep this side of me a secret.This goes along with the fact that I am very attracted to and want to have sex with several of my wife’s female friends.With all of this I figure sometimes it is better to keep my desires buried inside.


Wow - good to know I am not alone. My situation exactly!

[Lov2look]

Wow - good to know I am not alone. My situation exactly!
But it's so kinky watching gay twinkles for me. if you every want to chat about it IM me lov2look4

[JaredT77]

Keep no secrets especially on being bi. She has the right to know.

[billblueeyes]

I told my wife and she is okay with it. She allows me to have a m/m get together once a month without any questions.

[BiPantylover]

I have recently admitted to my wife that I have had several bisexual experiences. We have always been open about sex and while it tookme awhile to admit it to her, I finally did and she didn't go berserk like I thought she would. She has even admitted that she might like an MMF. Nothing like that has happened yet but I am much relieved that I told her.

[fresh6869]

Been married and bi now for last 14 yrs. Love my wife and family but the bi side of me is something that needs to be unleashed now and then. I keep it on the down low as much as possible and make the most of the man on man sessions I get. Not worth the ensuing chaos that admitting my bi side would create.

[brasilcouple]

Something that I can´t understand. You marries a person, who supposed to be the person you trust the most, and she even can´t stand your sexuality. That´s is so fucked up and I don´t even know how difficult is to live with a huge lie like this.

She has the right to know, maybe she don´t want to live with a bisexual guy, maybe she enjoy a mmf, or maybe she just want some time to do her things while you yours.

[happystick]

guilty

[Lov2look]

i am married and bi. i dont do it on the side, she has no clue and is homophobic. i get my pleasure drom sites like this
Yes thats the problem,we have a desiser to do what we do,and can't explaine , because they don't understand

[Cutiliae]

Been married and bi now for last 14 yrs. Love my wife and family but the bi side of me is something that needs to be unleashed now and then. I keep it on the down low as much as possible and make the most of the man on man sessions I get. Not worth the ensuing chaos that admitting my bi side would create.

I have the exact same reasoning and in the same boat. She has mentioned that it would be "humiliating" to discover being married to someone who has sex with men.

[Orlando4fun]

Really wish I could discuss with my wife Tried to tell her about an experience I had in high school but she won't have it. Knows I have an interest in exploring MM sex but thinks its a passing phase - its not.

[naztypanty]

The problem is finding a discrete and totally safe (no STD) friend to play with during the daytime.

[Fzmr9t]

I know that people are free to make comments. I get that. But why anyone would make judgmental comments about someone else's life or situation is beyond my comprehension.
Are they this judgmental with their actual flesh and blood friends, or is it because of the anonymity of the Internet that they feel free to give expert testimony on every subject that comes up. [getting off of my soapbox]

[Ja&Ve]

I know that people are free to make comments. I get that. But why anyone would make judgmental comments about someone else's life or situation is beyond my comprehension. Are they this judgmental with their actual flesh and blood friends, or is it because of the anonymity of the Internet that they feel free to give expert testimony on every subject that comes up. [getting off of my soapbox] Almost everyone judges cheaters. Of any stripe, any sexual persuasion. But hey. Its only the internet after all right? Oh yeah, I would totally judge you in real life too. To your face. And tell your wife too.

[berryhard]

Almost everyone judges cheaters. Of any stripe, any sexual persuasion. But hey. Its only the internet after all right? Oh yeah, I would totally judge you in real life too. To your face. And tell your wife too.

ja&ve sounds like a total douche bag and has his head up his own ass. Chill the hell out and live your own life....

[Ja&Ve]

ja&ve sounds like a total douche bag and has his head up his own ass. Chill the hell out and live your own life....

Meh, if you're cheating, you're the douche. If you have a spouse, it's not just "your own life." It's theirs too. But hey, I'm not the one who will get the divorce when my wife finds out.

[julyguybill]

Thanks for the empathy and understanding. But at least one assumption is wrong. We have no children. And I was supposed to know how I would feel 23 years later after being rejected for sex?

so anyway I found a park where guys went to hook up after a year of getting sucked by guys met a guy I really liked I began to suck him now I love sucking guys too
I enjoy how a penis feels in my mouth like to feel them cum

[jwaage1986]

I a bi married oral male. I occasionally enjoy crossdressing at home. I love sucking cock, wearing panties, and my bra with my breast forms. My wife knows about the panties and bra. She wouldn't understand the bi side of me and would leave me if she knew. I sucked a friend's penis as teenager. Only one. About 12 years later, my desire to suck a cock came back. I enjoyed about three cocks and just thought it was a phase and got married. Well, like many guys, the wife doesn't put out often enough and I know that is no excuse. What the underlying dilemma/problem is that when you have the first penis brush over you lips and into your mouth you're hooked. I do believe that. I have been married for almost twenty years and swear I will stop. I am hoping for a nice one as my final I really enjoy giving a blowjob more than receiving one. I am sorry and will try and stop by one or two bi escapes ever year, but I will just try and do my best.

[Cutiliae]

^^@jwaage1986I tried that one or two per year too. I meet my married FWB and suck him off once or twice per year. But as time goes on I have the desire for more than that. My wife would not understand either. I have found a local married buddy about my age who just wants a blowjob now and then. Anyway we hook up once or twice a week now. I service him for about 20 minutes and that's it.

Tough situation we are in; fight it, hide it or come out and risk certain divorce.

[bi42guy1958]

I've commented about this within other posts, but it's been awhile. So I'll say it again! LOL Been married 5 times, out of those all knew except the first and last. The 3 that did know we're "OK" with it? Yea right! It was the cause of the divorces. But at least i was honest and fessed up, right? Guess that depends on what you want out of life. For me it would be to find a woman that is accepting of my bisexual desires and love me for the man or person that I am.
All I can say is good luck for the ones that want to disclose that part of your life to your spouse, you're gonna need it!

[retzal]

Same here I love sucking at gloryholes , and my wife knows and is also bi so she gets it , sex is sex pure and simple

[marine20]

my wife and I have been together for almost 40 years. I came out to her last year . turns out she was ok with it. but she did say, that if I would have come out early in our relationship , she wouldn't have understood, and would have thought that she was to blame. she has become wiser over the years about sex. she knows we all have our quirks , and sex is just sex , not important, compared to our love. and we do love each other more than I can say. btw, I have been bi , before I ever met her, and she is fine with me still having sex with men. I know how lucky I am !

[bopinit]

im divorced but in the closet bi. I never sucked dick while married.

[69luvr]

married and bi oral here. Only time I play is going to bookstores or adult theaters by myself....love to be watched while giving a bj
I do exactly the same. On occasion I go to a nudist colony. Its great fun and not risky.

[pole_smoker]

I am married and bi-but do not play on the side.It still causes problems in a marriage.
Good for you, at least you realize that hiding your sexuality from your wife/husband, and cheating are going to break apart your marriage.

[tenni]

Almost everyone judges cheaters. Of any stripe, any sexual persuasion. But hey. Its only the internet after all right? Oh yeah, I would totally judge you in real life too. To your face. And tell your wife too.

In that case, we can judge you as to being a strong dominant woman who silences her male partner on this site. You are a heterosexual frequently coming on this site condemning other bisexual men who do not live by your standards. Why do you hold back your husband from being with other men? Why is he not posting on this bisexual site? Pussy whipped? If you shut your fek'n mouth on this site along with gay men who are on here to create friction, this would be a better site. It is pretty much toast though in part to many judgmental people.

Yes, it is ideal for a biguy to be able to tell his wife and for her to accept that he loves her but needs sex with other men. Unfortunately, society and the fact that more hetero monosexual women condemn biguys and leave them. That is a stat fact.

[pole_smoker]

In that case, we can judge you as to being a strong dominant woman who silences her male partner on this site. You are a heterosexual frequently coming on this site condemning other bisexual men who do not live by your standards. Why do you hold back your husband from being with other men? Why is he not posting on this bisexual site? Pussy whipped? If you shut your fek'n mouth on this site along with gay men who are on here to create friction, this would be a better site. It is pretty much toast though in part to many judgmental people.

Yes, it is ideal for a biguy to be able to tell his wife and for her to accept that he loves her but needs sex with other men. Unfortunately, society and the fact that more hetero monosexual women condemn biguys and leave them. That is a stat fact.
Wrong. Society knows all about bisexuality and that men are bisexual, and people as a whole have known this for decades. Heterosexual women do not condemn bisexual men or leave them.

However, people do leave their wife/husband/partner, or BF/GF whoever because that person cheats, lies, or can't be trusted, and this has nothing to do with bisexuality as people of all genders and sexual orientations do cheat.

There are lots of men here who are partnered or married to hetero women, or who date hetero women and they are still in relationships and marriages with women. There are also hetero women on here who are partnered or married to bisexual men, and they certainly don't hate bisexual men the way you love to be a professional victim and blame society, hetero women, or gays/lesbians for all the issues bisexual men face as usual. :rolleyes:

Get some help, you clearly have issues with women-particularly heterosexual women, and you're homophobic as you frequently show in your postings about how you don't like gay men or lesbian women, and think that they're totally to blame for all the issues that bisexual people face.

[robert144]

Until Two weeks ago she didn't have a clue. No she didn't catch me I just told her What a relief.

[Boats]

I do exactly the same. On occasion I go to a nudist colony. Its great fun and not risky.
We call them Nudist Resorts not Colony's. Are you talking about Suuny Sands over in Pierson. I used to go there alot. I'm staying in one for the winter here in the RGV of S Texas.
boats

[Ja&Ve]

Pfft, get over yourself Tenni. You're not some special little snowflake just because you like to Play with both sets of genitals. And if you are the fucktard who thinks its ok to lie to and cheat on a partner, give them no say in how to live their life by declining them information then you are low. And I have no problem judging you. If my husband wanted to play with both rather than being true to me and I didn't want that, then he needs to leave and pursue his happiness elsewhere, as is his right. If I find out he lies and deceives me ever again then he is gone and I will pursue my happiness elsewhere. Simple as that. Be up front with those you attracted to so you don't waste your time and theirs (decades worth sonetimes) with lies and deceptions, especially if you know for a fact that they want a partner that remains true to them, physically and emotionally.

[pole_smoker]

Pfft, get over yourself Tenni. You're not some special little snowflake just because you like to Play with both sets of genitals. And if you are the fucktard who thinks its ok to lie to and cheat on a partner, give them no say in how to live their life by declining them information then you are low. And I have no problem judging you. If my husband wanted to play with both rather than being true to me and I didn't want that, then he needs to leave and pursue his happiness elsewhere, as is his right. If I find out he lies and deceives me ever again then he is gone and I will pursue my happiness elsewhere. Simple as that. Be up front with those you attracted to so you don't waste your time and theirs (decades worth sonetimes) with lies and deceptions, especially if you know for a fact that they want a partner that remains true to them, physically and emotionally.
Quoted for truth.

Mostly everyone here ignores Tenni and his flaming, drama, and histrionics since he's a troll.

[tenni]

Ja yes I expected this type of reaction for you and the pole. I stopped reading when you called me a fucktard..lol You lost your kewl lady.

I do think that it is best if a bi guy discloses to his female partner that he is a bisexual man.

Got it yet Ja?

I also am able to understand that for a variety of reasons not all men can disclose their sexuality Mostly because of fear of rejection. I believe that I have told you this before.

Another site, that I read gives the idea that people understand the stress and difficulty in disclosing. No one throws the word cheat around unless self disclosing. No noe condemns and judges the other biguys who find it difficult to disclose.

You coming to a site and calling biguys cheaters and stating that everyone judges cheaters is not only wrong but it is destructive to bisexuality.

The days of you asking for advice seems in the past. You keep coming back to judge and condemn biguys. Troll much?

Is it true that those that throw cheater judgemental statements on this site around are all from the hate filled, puritanical, USA? That is the antonym that a bisexual site should be..Such a site should be empathetic and open minded without judging.

[Ja&Ve]

Ja yes I expected this type of reaction for you and the pole. I stopped reading when you called me a fucktard..lol You lost your kewl lady.

I do think that it is best if a bi guy discloses to his female partner that he is a bisexual man.

Got it yet Ja?

I also am able to understand that for a variety of reasons not all men can disclose their sexuality Mostly because of fear of rejection. I believe that I have told you this before.

Another site, that I read gives the idea that people understand the stress and difficulty in disclosing. No one throws the word cheat around unless self disclosing. No noe condemns and judges the other biguys who find it difficult to disclose.

You coming to a site and calling biguys cheaters and stating that everyone judges cheaters is not only wrong but it is destructive to bisexuality.

The days of you asking for advice seems in the past. You keep coming back to judge and condemn biguys. Troll much?

Is it true that those that throw cheater judgemental statements on this site around are all from the hate filled, puritanical, USA? That is the antonym that a bisexual site should be..Such a site should be empathetic and open minded without judging.
[QUOTE=tenni;280992]

Oh goodness no he has so not bent to my wants. I have flat out told him that if being with both genders as opposed to just me then he needs to go pursue his bliss. If that was so important in his life that he had to have it. Then be my guest. No rancor no unhappiness. I have no right to stand in his way. I fully understand and respect that.

However, he knows that he would have to go forward without me. Because him not being true to our marriage and relationship the way I need a man to be would be a fundamental impasse in our relationship. And to do it behind my back would be the ultimate sign of disrespect and lack of of love in my eyes. I have made that very clear. But now with full disclosure we are able to communicate effectively and make each other understand what is truly important in our lives, which is journey together. He has freely said nothing in his life is more important than loving me. Everything else is a pale shadow. God Tenni, the way he looks at me? I just melt. We've never been closer. But that would die if he wanted something that we both couldn't share together. The lack of disclosure before, even when I didn't truly know what the issues were, already were driving a wedge between us because I "knew" something was wrong and that he was hiding something even before I really truly knew. It almost destroyed us. Literally going through the motions of life, consigned to a slow form of hell. I wish that on no one.

so yes I get angry and aggressive when I see the lies and deception that abound on here. I don't want people to slowly wither with people who neither respect nor adhere to the relationships that they are in? Does the straight spouse somehow deserve less because she is who she is? I think not. Does the bisexual deserve to have a spouse who neither accepts nor approves? No! But.... Those kind of things won't end until people are willing to be open and honest with people in their lives and bisexuals are never going to be accepted until they take themselves out of the shadows and are open and up front with their needs within a relationship the way the rest of us should be.

Oh, and for the record, I said cheaters are fucktard a, not you. Im unless you are cheating on your wife of course, but if I remember correctly, you don't have one.

Sorry so rambling, at work and I keep getting interrupted.

[pole_smoker]

Ja yes I expected this type of reaction for you and the pole. I stopped reading when you called me a fucktard..lol You lost your kewl lady.

I do think that it is best if a bi guy discloses to his female partner that he is a bisexual man.

Got it yet Ja?

I also am able to understand that for a variety of reasons not all men can disclose their sexuality Mostly because of fear of rejection. I believe that I have told you this before.

Another site, that I read gives the idea that people understand the stress and difficulty in disclosing. No one throws the word cheat around unless self disclosing. No noe condemns and judges the other biguys who find it difficult to disclose.

You coming to a site and calling biguys cheaters and stating that everyone judges cheaters is not only wrong but it is destructive to bisexuality.

The days of you asking for advice seems in the past. You keep coming back to judge and condemn biguys. Troll much?

Is it true that those that throw cheater judgemental statements on this site around are all from the hate filled, puritanical, USA? That is the antonym that a bisexual site should be..Such a site should be empathetic and open minded without judging.
LOL more drama, BS, and histrionics from the troll Tenni.

Calling someone a cheater is not destructive to a sexuality as it's not like cheating is restricted to only bisexuality, and that people of other genders and sexual orientations do not cheat.

FYI on the other site you mentioned people do call out cheaters and do tell bisexual men how it's best not to cheat on a wife/husband or partner.

[tenni]

Ja
Why do you still come to this bisexual site?

You know what you want and need. You seem firm without doubt that you know how to get your marriage to work and both being happy. You seem to have your answers to any question that you may ever had.

[tenni]

Ja
You state that if your husband needs to be both genders to be happy he should pursue it. Are you really threatening him though by adding that he will have to do it without you? You are not truly accepting his sexuality. Accepting in the sense of receive with approval or favour, to consent. You are not really consenting to his bisexual needs.

This is why many bi men do not disclose. Why would your husband disclose if he did have sex with a man if he knew that you threaten to leave if he does?

As far as being true to your marriage, how do you respond to the belief that if you love someone you want them to be happy? If being happy includes a bisexual man having sex with another man, you should accept it. (not permit if you have a healthy marriage as it suggest controlling behaviour on your part imo) You are really holding monogamy as in sex with a man...not a woman..as more valuable than your husband’s needs and happiness.

btw Calling a bisexual man a fucktard just doesn't seem to be pro bisexual at all. There is no justification to use such language against bisexual men on this site.

[Christine76]

She knows, and for the most part is cool with it, we even play together (with others)

[alynm]

Wow - good to know I am not alone. My situation exactly!

+1. Definitely not alone. From AZ...Mormon?

[deepdick420]

I'm BRAND NEW... STILL NOT OUT/SURE....JUSTWANT to experiment with mine and yours fun stuff

[gt4usphx]

Similar situation for me. I like a hard cock, shaved cock and balls, and mutual M2M play. Finding someone who is in same situation, likes the erotic and is on the dl, too, is the challenge. A regular let's play bud would be great.

[Lov2look]

Been Bi and a cross dresser for 15yrs. I'm just into it.36526

[donttellnehismy]

Been Bi and a cross dresser for 15yrs. I'm just into it.36526

Yummmmmm

[charles-smythe]

HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW. …I wasn’t really bi when I was married…but I have lived with girls since I’ve been bi…& no I did not tell them…

[Joe1212]

I have been married for over 25 years with kids and my wife found my desire for men that I pasted on this site she went to paste a text on my phone and the desire to suck cock rimming and getting fucked came out so she confronted me and I came clean and told her everything. I told her I don't know why I have these feelings to be with a man its something I did not ask for its just there and I try to shake it but keeps coming back. Now I thought she was the most anti gay person I ever new and that is why I never told her but she is being very understanding. Told her I never did anything while we were married but these desires are coming back she said I love you and will never leave you and we will get through this. It's like a big bolder rolled off my shoulder. I'm now glad she knows I have no more secrets. Hang in there guys.

[Java555]

Bi and wife knows. Its better that way.

[lv69cpl69]

My first MM contact was set up by my wife it was more MMF but she mostly guided me. Loved it

[Fzmr9t]

Been married a LOOOOONG time and I know my wife and I also know that she would not understand. I don't understand myself, and I'm the BI ONE! So, I do what I can when I can, which, at my age, is not much and not very often.

[curmwm57]

I have been married for 35 years and had bi curious thoughts for I would say about the past 15 years. Although I had only recently acted on my curiosity and sucking one guy, I now know I want to do it again. I have not told her (my wife) for obvious reasons and I am sure she has no idea and I tend to want to keep it that way.

[pole_smoker]

I have been married for 35 years and had bi curious thoughts for I would say about the past 15 years. Although I had only recently acted on my curiosity and sucking one guy, I now know I want to do it again. I have not told her (my wife) for obvious reasons and I am sure she has no idea and I tend to want to keep it that way.
Tell your wife that you're bisexual. It's only the right thing to do, as you should tell her you are having sex with other people as she should know this if you do actually love and care for her.

How would you feel if she was cheating on you with other men or women and felt it was fine not to tell you at all?

[silvio]

I have been married for 35 years and had bi curious thoughts for I would say about the past 15 years. Although I had only recently acted on my curiosity and sucking one guy, I now know I want to do it again. I have not told her (my wife) for obvious reasons and I am sure she has no idea and I tend to want to keep it that way.

"Better to be king of your silence than slave of your words"

[PusandCkWorshipper]

I'm separated because my wife found out my secret lust for men.

[silvio]

I'm separated because my wife found out my secret lust for men.

One more argument for the old miranda: "Anything you say can and will be held against you"

That's why since I believe we don't live in a perfect world, is best to keep private about some aspects of your life

[SilkyHoseLover]

Have to admit that I agree with pole_smoker in this instance. It may not work for everyone, but my way of living dictates that I'm open and honest with my wife. She has been great, and deserves my candor, fidelity and respect.

I realize that this type of disclosure may be harmful to some relationships. This is a decision that's between an individual and his/her conscience.

[pepperjack]

Ditto. Just turned away two more married guys yesterday. :2cents:

[woody1340]

I started having struggles with an incident with an older man when I was young. I was diagnosed with ptsd. I have always had a desire that would come and go to be with older men. I acted out on it until I was into my mid 20's. Everything was hetro until I started having flashbacks. I started struggling with bi desires. I didn't know if they were mine or because of the incident. There is a lot of shame in having an orgasm when something was done against your will. I am still not sure if I really am attracted to men or if I just want a guy to abuse my throat because of what happened as a youngster. Either way told my wife of 20 years, she left, said some pretty nasty things to my friends and family. I have a new girlfriend, very understanding, I am going to tell her that I am bi, she deserves to know.

[69luvr]

married and bi oral here. Only time I play is going to bookstores or adult theaters by myself....love to be watched while giving a bj
Id love to meet you in a XXX theater one day.

[FckIt41]

For me, I have changed drastically since I have married my wife of 15 years. I had absolutely zero thought about other guys before about 5 years ago. So I know for 100% certainty that she would not be OK with my having fun with another guy. She did however stick around with my one extra marital affair with a woman, she under stood where it came from, and we both moved from it. If it were another guy I was messing around with, HELL NO, she wold be gone in a second. All of this being said, if we do eventually split up, it will not be because I told her that I like other guys. And If we do go our separate ways, when I start dating again, I will definitely tell my partner what I am into sexually when the time is right.

Sorry if I repeated a lot of the other comments, but I did not read all of them...

[James000]

Yes I am married ,Bi and in the closet

[pole_smoker]

For the people who think it’s ok to lie to a spouse and cheat on you, let's flip it. Do you think you deserve to have your spouse lie and keep things from you, and cheat on you?

Somehow I doubt the answer will be as easy or the same because no one in their right mind wants a bunch of huge lies and secrets from a spouse, or to be cheated on by a spouse.

[pole_smoker]

One more argument for the old miranda: "Anything you say can and will be held against you"

That's why since I believe we don't live in a perfect world, is best to keep private about some aspects of your life
Typical excuse of a coward that lives in the closet and who is ashamed of being bisexual. :rolleyes:

[void()]

Typical excuse of a coward that lives in the closet and who is ashamed of being bisexual. :rolleyes:

Typical response of someone who cannot offer proof of their authority to judge others. No, this not a judgement, only an observation.

[firebird19]

Hello, I play on the side , but I watch it very closely! I do a lot of side work so very once and a while I will pull the card (side job )
she did find my e mail once with some very incriminating stuff on it ! But I have told her that I just playing , and she know that I have some gay friends too ! Some I play with and some that don't know .

Exp1959 @ yahoo.com. , firebird19

[querty]

My wife is one of the most amazing people on the planet. She knows and is fine with my bi-side.

I have had bi-desires since I was a teenager, and like many it would come and go, and then for a long time through my 30's and most of my 40's wasn't a thing at all. Then they started to come back and much stronger. I never acted on these desires because to do so I felt would be to be unfaithful. Several years ago I worked up the courage and told her one night, but I played it down as "how weird is that?". Not much was said again about for a long time. I found out only later that this had had a big impact on her, from feelings of inadequacy on her part to resentment towards me. From other experiences that would take to much to describe here, I can totally understand this reaction. Over time she became accustom to, then respecting of, then accepting of this part of me. Now, I'm just her husband, not her 'husband with some bi thing going on'. That said, it's not anything she is interested in participating in with me. Just not her thing and of course I respect that.
When got into Swinging it afforded me the opportunity to act on my desires. These desires still eb & flow. Right now, i'm all about the girls, but I am sure it will come around again. The cool thing is, I don't have to worry about it one way or another, thanks to her.

[Nauti Rogue]

I guess I'm truly lucky. My wife and I are both bi. She started experimenting with women before I did, but I wasn't far behind her, and we are both supportive of each other's desires. She has a completely open hall pass to play with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, as long as she tells me either before or as soon as possible after. She's not quite as comfortable with me playing as I am with her, so I ask if she's OK with it if I want to play without her. Regardless, we've played with bi couples, single bi men, and single bi women together, and it's all good!

Couples who play together stay together!

[pole_smoker]

I guess I'm truly lucky. My wife and I are both bi. She started experimenting with women before I did, but I wasn't far behind her, and we are both supportive of each other's desires. She has a completely open hall pass to play with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, as long as she tells me either before or as soon as possible after. She's not quite as comfortable with me playing as I am with her, so I ask if she's OK with it if I want to play without her. Regardless, we've played with bi couples, single bi men, and single bi women together, and it's all good!

Couples who play together stay together!
That's not necessarily true that "couples who 'play' together stay together!".

I have yet to meet anyone in an open relationship who claims to "'play' together only" who has never cheated on their partner, or who have broken the rules/boundaries they set up with their partner/spouse so they could cheat on them. :rolleyes:

[void()]

...

Simply because you have not, does not imply, infer they do not exist. Reality still exists if you live in it, or not, believe in it or not.

[pole_smoker]

Simply because you have not, does not imply, infer they do not exist. Reality still exists if you live in it, or not, believe in it or not.
I would not be surprised if both you and your "wife" have cheated on each other, since you have an open marriage. ;) :rolleyes:

[void()]

...

Oh you make me laugh something terribly so. Not cheating when she has told me about it and I knew beforehand. The same as she has known. Being an open marraige, we each approve. Not cheating when there is honesty and openness. But sure, go on make me laugh some more. :-|

At times, I wonder if I wasted the better part of you by pulling out of your momma too soon, son. Other times, like now, I know I did. Sorry for that my boy. Come get you some pappa luvins, you gonna need 'em.

[pepperjack]

I agree with you, Void. It's not cheating if it's out in the open & each partner in the relationship agrees to it. Cheating involves deceit, betrayal - a grievous wound to attempt to heal. :eek2: Was just approached earlier today by 2 couples looking for a 3rd male on a site I rejoined. Unfortunately, they live too far away. :(

[Friendlyguy11]

In response to the original ad................there are far more bi married guys than anyone knows.

[pepperjack]

In response to the original ad................there are far more bi married guys than anyone knows.

I know all too well; I've made it known here that the majority of bi men in my immediate area are married & cheating. So, what's your point ? Are you claiming justification through " strength in numbers? "

[Friendlyguy11]

Nope, its the truth.
I know all too well; I've made it known here that the majority of bi men in my immediate area are married & cheating. So, what's your point ? Are you claiming justification through " strength in numbers? "

[pepperjack]

Nope, its the truth.

So, you're trying to announce some sort of declaration of profound truth that the rest of us that have been here for years aren't aware of ? :rolleyes:

[Friendlyguy11]

i am not announcing anything. I answered a question and thats it

[void()]

I agree with you, Void. It's not cheating if it's out in the open & each partner in the relationship agrees to it. Cheating involves deceit, betrayal - a grievous wound to attempt to heal. :eek2: Was just approached earlier today by 2 couples looking for a 3rd male on a site I rejoined. Unfortunately, they live too far away. :(

Alright. Now, I ask you something in that reagard. If you can see how it is not cheating, would you (specifically you) still consider it adultry? And I am only asking your best reasoned opinion, as a friend. I am curious what you think. I do not want The Law quoted but what you think. If I recall The Law says only thou shalt not covet. I do not covet. Sure I may see Joe has some things easier and think it must be nice. Yet I do not desire what Joe uses, who Joe loves. So what ya think?

[pepperjack]

Alright. Now, I ask you something in that reagard. If you can see how it is not cheating, would you (specifically you) still consider it adultry? And I am only asking your best reasoned opinion, as a friend. I am curious what you think. I do not want The Law quoted but what you think. If I recall The Law says only thou shalt not covet. I do not covet. Sure I may see Joe has some things easier and think it must be nice. Yet I do not desire what Joe uses, who Joe loves. So what ya think?

Ok, the first thing I question in attempting to answer this is when you emphasize " ( specifically you) ." Why specifically me ?

I don't know what you mean by The Law except if I interpret your mention of covetousness as a clue, you're referring to The Ten Commandments. I'm sure that character flaw is not considered illegal.

Honestly, I've pondered this myself but never really tried to pursue it. Now that you're pressing me for an opinion, I would have to agree with the standard dictionary definition of adultery and say yes, technically, it's still adultery.

Hope that answers your question; hope you answer mine; why "specifically" me?

[void()]

Hope that answers your question; hope you answer mine; why "specifically" me?

Like I said, wanted a friends opinion. And yes The Law, I was considering was the Ten Commandments. In my humble opinion the New Testement of the great teacher Jesus, revised the Old Testement. Jesus was asked what the greatest part of The Law was, what to uphold. "Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Love all your brothers and sisters for you are all brothers and sisters." I now that's paraphrasing yet the gist of it is that.

Thank you for your view. :)

[Nauti Rogue]

Yes, according to the dictionary definition of "Adultery," my wife and I are both adulterous... often together in the same room, and always with each others' full and enthusiastic support and encouragement. And the problem is?????

As for cheating, no. We are not cheating and we are not being unfaithful. My wife and I were married by a judge. We wrote our own vows specifically omitting the part of forsaking all others. The promise that we made to each other was that we would love, support, and cherish each other for the rest of our lives. These promises have not been broken. We are faithful and true to each other even as I watch her slide herself down on another man's cock.

And as for the statement that Pole_smoker made about not knowing anyone in the lifestyle who has stayed together, I suspect that he may have limited experience with lifestyle couples. We know many long-time swingers. My wife and I were both unfaithful in previous relationships, but when you can turn to your spouse and say, "I want to have sex with that guy," that kind of openness, honesty, and trust are exactly the kind of qualities required in a solid, stable relationship. There's no need to cheat and go behind your spouse's back when they fully support you in fulfilling a physical desire with their full knowledge. And the openness, honesty, trust, and communication required to make that work pervades our entire lives together. She and I feel that we have an amazingly rock-solid and stable relationship.

Many won't understand us. Some are disgusted and don't want to understand. Some are taught that we are wrong. Period.

This is a site for alternative sexual preferences. I suspect that many of you who consider yourselves to be bisexual or who are questioning your sexual status may initially have a negative reaction to my wife and I , but how are we different than you? Bisexuality is also not accepted by many, whether the basis be in religion, prejudicial attitudes instilled from family or society, ignorance, or simple closed minds.

Regardless, my wife and I are a very happily married bisexual non-monogomous couple. I feel badly for those of you who feel that you can't be open about your personal sexual thoughts, desires, urges, or cravings. In our personal opinion and experience, it's great to be open about it all with your partner!

[void()]

Yes, according to the dictionary definition of "Adultery," my wife and I are both adulterous... often together in the same room, and always with each others' full and enthusiastic support and encouragement. And the problem is?????
...

Thank you for this. :) Nice to know we're not alone.

[Christopher South]

This is a site for alternative sexual preferences. I suspect that many of you who consider yourselves to be bisexual or who are questioning your sexual status may initially have a negative reaction to my wife and I , but how are we different than you?

I think the difference is, and I'm not judging, is that being bisexual is very different from acting on your bisexuality. I don't believe it's a sin or illegal to be bisexual, that is having attraction to either sex. I don't think it's a sin to be attracted to another woman if you're married but acting on it, according to religions, IS a sin.

People have negative reactions to all sorts of human behavior. Maybe they should just mind their own business.

[pole_smoker]

Yes, according to the dictionary definition of "Adultery," my wife and I are both adulterous... often together in the same room, and always with each others' full and enthusiastic support and encouragement. And the problem is?????

As for cheating, no. We are not cheating and we are not being unfaithful. My wife and I were married by a judge. We wrote our own vows specifically omitting the part of forsaking all others. The promise that we made to each other was that we would love, support, and cherish each other for the rest of our lives. These promises have not been broken. We are faithful and true to each other even as I watch her slide herself down on another man's cock.

And as for the statement that Pole_smoker made about not knowing anyone in the lifestyle who has stayed together, I suspect that he may have limited experience with lifestyle couples. We know many long-time swingers. My wife and I were both unfaithful in previous relationships, but when you can turn to your spouse and say, "I want to have sex with that guy," that kind of openness, honesty, and trust are exactly the kind of qualities required in a solid, stable relationship. There's no need to cheat and go behind your spouse's back when they fully support you in fulfilling a physical desire with their full knowledge. And the openness, honesty, trust, and communication required to make that work pervades our entire lives together. She and I feel that we have an amazingly rock-solid and stable relationship.

Many won't understand us. Some are disgusted and don't want to understand. Some are taught that we are wrong. Period.

This is a site for alternative sexual preferences. I suspect that many of you who consider yourselves to be bisexual or who are questioning your sexual status may initially have a negative reaction to my wife and I , but how are we different than you? Bisexuality is also not accepted by many, whether the basis be in religion, prejudicial attitudes instilled from family or society, ignorance, or simple closed minds.

Regardless, my wife and I are a very happily married bisexual non-monogomous couple. I feel badly for those of you who feel that you can't be open about your personal sexual thoughts, desires, urges, or cravings. In our personal opinion and experience, it's great to be open about it all with your partner!
You both cheated on your ex partners, so eventually you will lie and cheat on each other. ;) :rolleyes:

[jem_is_bi]

You both cheated on your ex partners, so eventually you will lie and cheat on each other. ;) :rolleyes:


The way I interpreted the details of their relationship is they both very much want to continue their cheating behavior. However, together they are even happier knowing and even participating in their spouses cheating on them. So, I believe they will continue cheating on each other but they are unlikely to lie, because knowing and telling makes it much more enjoyable for both of them.

[pole_smoker]

The way I interpreted the details of their relationship is they both very much want to continue their cheating behavior. However, together they are even happier knowing and even participating in their spouses cheating on them. So, I believe they will continue cheating on each other but they are unlikely to lie, because knowing and telling makes it much more enjoyable for both of them.

Exactly. Or this guy has such low self-esteem that he knows his wife is getting boned by other men, or having her cunt eaten by other chicks but he does not kick her cheating ass to the curb and leave her since he is a beta male and is getting fucked by men on the side but keeps it a secret from her. ;)

[jem_is_bi]

Exactly. Or this guy has such low self-esteem that he knows his wife is getting boned by other men, or having her cunt eaten by other chicks but he does not kick her cheating ass to the curb and leave her since he is a beta male and is getting fucked by men on the side but keeps it a secret from her. ;)
I doubt that he is keeping it a secret from her. I think she likes him doing the same with other men and women as she does and likely enjoys knowing about it. That relationship does not work for you or me, but seems to be working for them.

[Nauti Rogue]

Since you are so sure of your ability to predict the future, who's gonna win the republican nomination? I'd love to have the early take on this! (Let me guess... You're all for The Donald? Your self-righteousness is right up his ally!)

[pole_smoker]

Since you are so sure of your ability to predict the future, who's gonna win the republican nomination? I'd love to have the early take on this! (Let me guess... You're all for The Donald? Your self-righteousness is right up his ally!)

:rolleyes: Since you did ask. I am independent and do not like either major party, or like any President we have ever had in my lifetime, and have never liked or supported any potential candidates for president in the United States.

[1hot4u]

I am married and bi and my wife knows,but she does not know guys are screwing my ass and we suck each other.I do this in my alone time,when she is not around.

[illcum4ualot]

i am and she will never know

[jwaage1986]

Me too. Close to Blowing Rock, NC? I vacation there in the summer

[lizard-lix]

I've been out to my wife since we got engaged (37+ years ago), for 28 years I did as we agreed and was straight and vanilla. Then when I was about 50, my bi and kinky side just rose back up and was not going away again, so I talked to her about trying it my way, she was willing to give it a go.

For several years we tried a little of everything: Swinging (we went to clubs for years, but only got with another couple once), fetish clubs (we both liked them, but she only likes to observe, not participate, even at home), BDSM (we tried it at home, me as the bottom, I always loved it, she didn't) and finally we talked about me going out alone to fulfill my bi and kinky desires.

But in all that time, I never cheated. (but as folks who know me know, I was already looking for play pals with her permission once before and it fell through).

A few months ago, she finally decided that kink and playing with others was just not her thing but this time, she really decided that, 'I needed to go out and get fucked by other kinky people. It's my life and it's only fair that if I did it her way for so long that I should get my chance.' She really is amazing!

So we embark on consensual non-monogamy. We came up with rules (safe sex, I put a tracking ap on my phone - for safety - and I tell her if I am going out to meet someone(s), but no additional details). I've been meeting folks and getting up to the point where I'll break the ice (with a guy I've known for almost 2 years who I met on FetLife and a few times in person, or a couple I've known as long, also from Fet who I have not mnet in person, but we trade notes and phone calls). We decided that this is NOT going to hurt our relationship and we keep the communications going (we're strong enough that this declaration means something, that we decided to make this work, means it will or we'll stop, but it won't damage us).

Strangely, our sex life has improved a LOT. The elephant has left the room! As part of the agreement, our sex is now 100% vanilla (plain vaginal intercourse with just a bit of oral both ways) and I stopped trying to bring in anything new, I also pretty much leave it up to her to initiate. She loves that and we're now having more and better sex than at anytime since we were young (several times a week, at least). Whoda thought?

The first time I come home afterward will be interesting, but since the one time we did swing, we both fucked someone else with the other right there, so it won't really be a first.

It's not been easy, but it is working!

Best of luck to anyone else trying!

I have to say that it was one of the scariest moments of my life (right after coming out to her), when I came back out to her and asked her to indulge my desires. It lead to some difficult moments, but it has been a very good thing, our honesty remains intact and is stronger and our love and trust are still growing.

And, I am going to get to suck cock, get fucked and do kinky things that would probably make her ill to consider! Yippee!

[sysper]

so glad things are working out on so many levels. you have got quite an understanding & special wife!!!!

[lizard-lix]

so glad things are working out on so many levels. you have got quite an understanding & special wife!!!!

Thanks, yes I do... She is awesome!

She is so open, especially for others, but tends to hold herself and us to a higher standard. So she has had to stretch a lot for this, because to a degree, she feels she has fallen short, since I need outside fulfillment for sex. While we are normally of the school that one person can't be anyone's everything, this one has been harder for her.

Of course she doesn't feel the same about my love of sailing in practically dangerous weather and similar things. It's fine if I go 'play with others' (as long as I come home safely). But the rules for sex are different for her. She is finally understanding that for me, they aren't. Sex with her is for love, with my play pals it is for simple, perverted enjoyment (like bad weather sailing). Now that she gets this, it has a lot easier... She slept around as much as I did as a kid, but she was always serially monogamous, I was never monogamous and kept a lot of my relationships for a longer time than she did, but I slept around with them all, rather than one at a time.

Of course she is entitled to the same freedom she gives me, I keep suggesting that she looks for a guy of her type to try with, just for the adventure. She has gone so far as to look up a guy she came close to cheating on me with 20 years ago (we both had almosts and of course told each other). I told her I'd book the ticket and hotel if she wants to go see him.

[borntosuckcock]

Married 46 years and she doesn't know I like to suck cocks. I will take my secret to my grave. We have a very loving relationship, but I know it would be the end of it if I told her I was bisexual.

[NakedFun38]

I've been bi-curious for most of my life. Three years ago just prior to getting married I tried anal with a guy I met online. It was amazing! I wanted to try it before I got married for obvious reasons. Two and a half years later I met another guy and we did it. She has no idea and I of course play it safe. I know it's wrong and I don't want to disrespect her. But I guess I do. I just love having my ass played with and she's not equipped for that...

[BobbyBiMarried]

The older I get the more bi-curious I get. 57 and married 26 years. No way I will ever let my wife know.

[lizard-lix]

I've been bi-curious for most of my life. Three years ago just prior to getting married I tried anal with a guy I met online. It was amazing! I wanted to try it before I got married for obvious reasons. Two and a half years later I met another guy and we did it. She has no idea and I of course play it safe. I know it's wrong and I don't want to disrespect her. But I guess I do. I just love having my ass played with and she's not equipped for that...

Strap ons are awesome! So, she may not be naturally equipped, but you can fix that in a bunch of fun and creative ways if she is willing to try. Some strap ons fit back up inside the woman and/or rub her clit, so she can get stimulated and even cum while she fucks you, that can make it good for her even if she is not as much into the assfucking hubby part.

[lizard-lix]

The older I get the more bi-curious I get. 57 and married 26 years. No way I will ever let my wife know.

Maybe I'm just lucky, but I am totally out to my wife (59 and married 36 years), she is not into it at all, but after talking it out, experimenting for several years and giving it a good try (see the post above for one example), she decided to let me out to get the bi and kinky stuff I want/need.

It took, communication, openness and a ton of patience (and yeah it was scary as hell!), but it is so worth it!

[NakedFun38]

Strap ons are awesome! So, she may not be naturally equipped, but you can fix that in a bunch of fun and creative ways if she is willing to try. Some strap ons fit back up inside the woman and/or rub her clit, so she can get stimulated and even cum while she fucks you, that can make it good for her even if she is not as much into the assfucking hubby part.

I guess part of it too is a need for man on man contact. I want to feel him and get him off.

[Freespiritmiamim]

I am married and have been a closet Bi Male since I was about 30 when I finally let myself explore with another man. I do explore on the side and had a Side BF for about a year. Good luck never easy when the wife finds out your biggest secret.

[bigjohn011976]

Damn, that sucks! You have to be more careful. Make sure you are browsing in private mode if she checks your history often. I know how it feels to get caught, got busted years ago before I learned about privacy on the computer. Luckily it was emails to a couple, not just a guy. I tried to tell myself for years I could quit the BI stuff but I was just lying to myself. I like women, but something about a nice cock that gets me worked up also. Good luck!

[lnidas6699]

I am out to my wife but in the closet to everyone else. It's so hard to be bi.

[BICURIOUSONE69]

I am a married man who is secretly Bi

[James000]

Same here

[James000]

I admire your courage

[Vr225]

I am married and my wife knows about my past but thinks it was a passing fancy.

[rgscott501]

I am b i curious and married and wife has no idea, if she did I wouldn't be married.

[abc123jd]

I outed myself to wife when she opened the door to mmf bisex to me, and the new feelings about mm bisex took over my mind. I am very fourtunate that she has given me her 100% blessings to try sex with a man and woman same time. he wants to make sure I really want this before she watches the 2nd or 3rd time.

Below is some recent history of events that has led me to my current state of almost always compulsively horny thoughts of fucking women, and about sucking cock and possibly more, some religious hang-ups have caused me recently much serious soul searching about finding out who I am. And feel bisexual too gay now to be straight, too straight to be gay, still love pussy but also love the look of cocks now too -- thus bisexual.



This is what turned me bi-curious its nagging me cant get it out of my mind.


In May 2014. I had lost a bet to my wife and she got to choose the porn we were going to watch every few weeks we have this to help spice things up a little after 24-25 years married, the 4 kids, our jobs, and life all can take a toll on our sex life. So we have to make time to do this to keep sex alive, I do not know how long you 2 have been together but this has helped us. I love my wife but her sex drive has dropped way off, down to 1-3 times a month. She is wild when she gets turned on, but it takes awhile at times. I am not the type of guys that will force anyone. But without porn night I would get no sex :( She wanted to watch 2 guys have sex with each other and then both of them fuck a woman like DP anal/reg or reg/oral anyways 2 cocks gets her turned on too. I hesitated and tried twice just couldn't hit play. But the third time I finally relented so we selected a mmf-bi porn film on the internet, a little while back. I was sure it would be boring never would have looked at it myself; since pussy, threesome mff wife with another woman, lesbian, and anal porn was more than enough for me. Never thought possibly playing with a guy or sucking and fucking a guy had no interest for me at all until this occurred.
But within 2 minutes into the movie a door opened to a new bi world, and my wife is the one who opened it for me. This mmf-bi threesome movie got me more excited than any other thing in my life other than the first time I saw and ate & fucked my first woman. The film was about a white man getting topped by a bigger man who forced the guy to suck his cock, while the guy sucking had his girlfriend watch him with the other man, she was so wet and playing with herself telling him how hot it was seeing him turn bi to keep doing it. Then things progressed and the man sucking cock was now on is hands and knees with the big guy getting ready to fuck his virgin ass. When the guy put his big cock in the guys tight ass, and the guy started moaning getting fucked like a girl. Watching him get fucked was almost too much, but what put me over the top was when he was getting fucked the girl made him eat her pussy and was still encouraging him on about taking a dick up his ass, then I came.

I told her she opened a door that may be too hard to close now. But I am so fucking glad that she knows and I do not have to hide it from her like so many guys on here seem to have to do. But we have been together 25 years, and these bisexual thoughts didn't start until about 2 years ago when 45 yo.

[DomBot61]

Without telling my life's story...I'm married 30 years and bisexual. I have had affairs with men, women and couples. My wife knows only of those that happened during an unrelated separation. I am looking, too.

[PogoPogo]

I have been married over 40 years and have always been attracted to woman as well as guys but have never acted on the gay side of things (well once I jacked off a guy in a sex club - it wasn't very exciting for me but that is another story) except by watching bi and gay porn and buying sex toys (like a dildo). My wife found out I was Bi about a year ago when she found a couple of my dick pics on the computer (stupid!!!) so we went through a rough time but she is OK now as long as I don't act out my fantasies with another guy. I do love her and my family so I don't want to give that up. But it is difficult so I just jack off a lot.

[a2smith09]

I'm married and bi. I'm not out to the world but I don't hide my sexuality either, the folks whose business it is to know knows.

[JSWDC67]

I know I am lucky too. My wife of 25 years loves to strap-on and fuck me well. She usually cums while she is fucking me, which is pretty hot and it definitely keeps things lubed up down there. She has always been forthright about her own (inactive) bisexuality, so she is supportive of my own private tendencies. She satisfies my ass and is a great partner, and yet still I get the occasional craving and drive to find another guy for some quick sordid fun. Regrets? Sure, but at some point you just have to be who you are.


Maybe I'm just lucky, but I am totally out to my wife (59 and married 36 years), she is not into it at all, but after talking it out, experimenting for several years and giving it a good try (see the post above for one example), she decided to let me out to get the bi and kinky stuff I want/need.

It took, communication, openness and a ton of patience (and yeah it was scary as hell!), but it is so worth it!

[cumlvr]

My wife came home early and caught me masturbating and using her vibrator up my ass. I told her I loved her but I was bi. She shocked me by telling me that her and my sister have been exchanging licks since before we were married. The only thing that she requested is that I fulfill my duties in the bedroom with her and I practice safe sex with men. My sister is also married with two kids. I now wonder if he husband I bi. That could work out perfect. He's a hunk.

[middleagedinnj]

My wife would not understand as I learned of my desire after many years of marriage and I finally acted on it by joining a website for guys. I have found I love the feel of a guy in my hands and the taste of him in my mouth. And I found I love the taste of cum, which my wife is still not a fan of although other guys have enjoyed mine. I use a private setting on my browser for this and an email my wife knows nothing of. I've met a few guys this way. Other times I have gone to video booths in adult book stores as this anonymous hooking up is exciting to me.

[bill1919]

I love o be naked with another man and have him give me a full body massage. Would love to find someone to live cam with.

[ba10016]

I am married and now gay. At first my wife enjoyed the thought of me sucking an occasional cock. It made her hot. I had to tell her all about it. In bed at night she would ask me if I sucked any cock lately. She bought me lingerie to wear at night with her. She ultimately discovered I had become somewhat of a cock whore and we had a big blow up over it. I am still recovering.

[George51]

My wife knows that I am bi. It did not go across well at first, but she is possibly now more keen than I. She has been encouraging me to go to a gay sauna, which I have once. Just for a look. She professes that she would like to watch another guy fuck me. The thought excites me immensely, though I have not let on to her just how much. But I don't know, if the opportunity actually came up, whether she would be so keen.

[jaredkingston123]

I agree with you. I am secretly bi but have not done anything on the side.

[illcum4ualot]

I am :)

[Robbyriot]

My wife knows I'm bi and is okay with it. She isn't okay with me cheating. I can't control myself for long unfortunately. It's not the best situation at all. Hopefully one day I can give it up.

[bw299]

1st wife found out by accident that I liked sucking cock. She was curious and asked me a lot of questions about it. It turned her on! We wound up having mfm 3sums where she would watch or help me suck cock (she LOVED sucking cock). It was great for our sex life and didn't wreck our marriage.

My second wife knows I like sucking cock, but she will have nothing to do with it (me sucking, she LOVES sucking my cock!). It's a don't ask-don't tell situation. She puts up with it as long as no other women are involved and my cock doesn't wind up in some guy's ass.

[George51]

Above someone mentioned that they like being watched while they give a blowjob. That is good. I like the idea of being watched. Even more than I like watching. :)