Hi

[Krystal]

Hi, I am new to this site. I thought i would say hi....let you all know i am reading and enjoying your posts :)
My head is all screwed up and i don't know what to do.
My life in point form..... :eek: Hope i can make it somewhat understandable without boring you all to tears!
1. From age 9-12 i was 'physical' with a female friend of mine, mutual masturbation mainly
2. I have often felt so strange that i feel friendships with some women so deeply.
3. Had an ex-boyfriend who wanted me to have a 3-some with another female but i refused but accepted 3-some with another male (secretly wished i could have said yes to the 3-some with other female)
4. Only had sex with males from 18-28, quite a few males and many one night stands or two nights or whatever ;) was very 'active'
5. Went into a chat room one night and began talking to a woman who was bi and again (again meaning not the first time i have thought i just simply feel friendships with females VERY deeply...i'm not bi).....over time i began to feel very deeply for her, i told her my 'secret' thoughts and we had many many long conversations on internet and over the phone where we discussed desires fantasies etc etc..... one day we had phone sex.....we began doing this regular ..phone...cyber ...webcam...and her hubby would sometimes join 'us' and end up having sex with her i would listen....this went one for about 2 years and then her marriage fell apart cause of unrelated reasons.
6. It crossed my mind often during those 2 years that i was bi....but i think i was in denial cause i kept thinking i can't be ...blah blah and started 'searching' my mind body and soul for a 'sign' that i was bi...... all i did was do my head in !
7. Had my children split with their father
8. Was receiving counselling due to the split and wanted to ask my counsellor how someone would know if they were bi or lesbian ....but i kept thinking 'i cant be'
9. I've had a great male 'friend with benefits' for the past 3 years but had sex less and less from late 2005-2006 and had sex only twice including birthday night descibed below ...since this time last year .....
10. March last year ....my birthday ....my male friend and a female friend of mine (who had previously always been hetro had lived and had sex with a lesbian partner for 6 months before deciding she is hetro....) went out and got fairly drunk and ended up in bed together.... he did her then me then her then me kind of thing and as she was so drunk she almost passed out and because of this i never got to 'experiment' as i hoped to.
11. Again made me think ...am i ? Could i be? ..nope.....
12. Last October i met a woman who became a very good friend very quickly...and we've spent time together almost daily ....she has been in a relationship with her male partner for 11 years has children... our friendship continued ok ...til i started acting 'weird' again....as i have done with female friends in the past.....I guess age now and life has shown me that i am very deeply in love with her..... I guess i found my answer but i also found out just a week ago that she was in a lesbian relationship for four years prior to her male partner now.....I write her letters that she never sees (its like my diary) and have been doing this since 2 weeks after we met explaining to her why sometimes i act so strangely.....
I guess i am bi...my head feels like its going to cave in..... i love her and cannot tell her ....i see her almost daily....where do i go from here?
How do i learn to live with being in love with someone who considers you such a wonderful friend?
Do i just tell her so she understands why i get strange and need to walk away sometimes? I don't really want to sleep with her, it's not really about sex (although i fantasize about it) its more just that i love her....Do i tell her nothing and just learn to live with it......Do i make any sense? Have i given you enough of an idea for you to see what kind of person i am and what frame of mind i am in and how i've gotten to this point and how some days i am so blissfully happy and others days i just want to cry and tell her to P*** off cause she is doing my head in....she's affectionate, i don't want her to go away i want to tell her how i feel .......but i don't want to for all the same reasons ..my only real issue is ....am i really bi?
do i tell her how i feel? blah ............ :( :eek:
any input at all would be greatly appreciated cause i feel so lost and so alone

[randall]

Welcome to the site. No your not weird at all, you need to tell her how you feel. If shes as great a friend as you say and she tells you then it will be no problem. good luck Randall :tongue: :) :2cents: ;)

[TorontoGuy2007]

hi krystal

there's definitely evidence of bi-curiousity throughout your life.

now that you are single, now is a good time to explore these feelings. if this latest girlfriend is someone you want to experiment with, and if you feel confident she is bi and might be willing to explore with you, then go for it..

you won't really know for sure until you have experience it.. that meaning, you need to go thru dating a woman, sex with woman, romance with woman, etc.. and then you will know whether or not you can be happy exclusively with a woman, or if you still feel you need a man in your life..

as you can see from the many posts on here, most bisexuals seem to be discontent in a single relationship with a single person. many feel they need sexual activity with men and woman concurrently in their lives..

bottom line, nothing wrong with being bi. it's good for you to finally accept and explore your feelings.. it's never too late to learn more about ourselves..

all the best
Jeff

[biandu]

First off.. I am a very direct person..so, what you are about to read is NOT intended to hurt you.. just telling it how i see it. [which sometimes is off kilter]

You are one confused chick.

imho.. you are bi. AND you don't necessarily have to have sex .. in order to be bi it's more of a state of being--[a friend of mine said that once.. and at the time i didn't want to get it.. but i do now]

sex is the expression of the way you feel. and if you are IN LOVE with this woman.. you are only torturing yourself because of fear.

fear of rejection. fuck rejection.. dealing with all that confusion and angst is WAY worse than dealing with rejection.

tell her. who knows what the fuck will happen.. but at least you won't keep it bottled up anymore... AND that's what is 'doing your head in' .... not her!

the NOT knowing is what fucks most of us up.

if you tell her.. then you'll know. one way or the other. but you'll finally know.

go for it!

Maggie.


Oh by the fucking way... WELCOME BABY! enjoy the boards.. the people.. and have fun!

[whattodo]

I am new to all of this myself as I only accepted being bi-sexual this month. I finally decided to explore the idea when I started falling for a girlfriend of mine.

I decided to have a male friend of mine take me to a titty bar so that I could look and touch without recrimination. At first I was scared and apprehensive but soon discovered that I was enjoying being there and all the aspects of it.

I then went over to my girlfriends house and told her that I was bi-sexual and my feelings towards her. Now we are exploring together and are building things as we go.

It may not work out that way for you, but as I have been told. you have to be true to yourself to be happy in any relationship. The best thing is to try it and find out for sure.

[Krystal]

Hi,
Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate that you took the time.
biandu - in no way did your post hurt me - do you know me ? lol
just kidding ....almost all you have said in your post, i have written in my 'letter diary' to her ....the points about not telling her cause of fear - fear of losing her friendship.... but at the same time NEEDING to tell her because of exactly as you said 'dealing with all that confusion and angst is WAY worse than dealing with rejection.'
Thats what all this is about for me... accepting that i am bi - or bi-curious is second on the scale of fear of actually admitting to her how i feel.
I think as a general state of mind i am relatively happy now that i admitted to myself that i am bi.....but as you said 'bottling it up is whats doing my head in'
As niave and silly as it sounds i just needed clarification that was i was feeling and going through wasn't just me being strange...if that makes sense.
Thank you for your welcome...i have been much happier after having read a lot of the posts on this site over the past few days....i really feel comfortable here ....hope its ok for me to slip into your little family unit here.... :)

[but that's my name!!]

Hey,
If you like both hmm you're bi.
I just read this: http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17 it's one of those about bisexuality thingy bobs kinda, anyway it's rather good.
Best approach is to be "out" in the first place it makes things easier, you don't actually have to say "I'm bi" but sugestion is good like being seen eyeing up both sexes.

[chuck1124]

Krystal,

Welcome to the family. You will find so many understanding, interesting and compassionate people here. Like you, my bisexual urges made me feel so odd and so frightened and so "weird". But in this site, I've learned I am not so strange and not so weird. There is no one I can share my feelings with. But, here, I can and be accepted. You will too. If I, or most of the folks in this site can help (most because there are also some pretty bad people here too), we will do our best. Enjoy the chat rooms. I'll look for you.

Chuck

[but that's my name!!]

Krystal,

(most because there are also some pretty bad people here too),
Chuck
Bad people? where? I hope you're not includeing me in that :) of course, I could be some wierd ol' perv 'cos it IS the internet but I'm not :tong:

[cottoncandy]

i know how you feel it took along time for me to accept that being who i am is not dirty or perverted and now i happen to like myself . but tell her how you feel she'll either like it or she won't but don't tourcher your self :2cents: