Now what? Need advice

[dnk6789]

Hi,

I have not posted here since last summer I almost forgot the vast amount of information in here. I'd like some opinions as to what to do next. Recently (yesterday) officially admitted to myself that I have some same sex attraction. I called a gay and lesbian hotline for some advice and will look for some here as well. I like to try and have a sexual encounter with a guy for the first time just to see if this is really what I want. All I know is that I've thought about it a lot over the past year.

A little background on myself. 51 y/o w/m, never been married, retired from the military this past year. I am still not emotionally attracted to other men, just physically.

Any advice would be appreciated. Should I jump right in and go for it, or use a cautious approach. Thanks

[TorontoGuy2007]

when i first discovered that i was interested in men, i had this urge to find someone to get physical with right away. but then i stopped to think for a moment, and i realize that getting physical was not the true me.

think about the values you have always had regarding sex vs love with a woman, and apply the same values to a man. if you are totally comfortable with casual sex, then go for it. just don't do anything you will live to regret..

[FerociousFeline]

My two cents worth:
Welcome to a new world: but be cautious. (don't inadvertantly hurt yourself by rushing in and getting into a situation where you aren't comfortable)
Often times with anything, the fantasy can be better than the reality. I think you need to further define (to yourself) what level of physical attraction you actually have for men. {For example: does this attraction outlast the orgasm that you have while fantasizing about it?, or, once you've orgasmed does the fantasy go away?} I guess what I am trying to say here is that although your body might have decided it wants a male, make sure your mind/ego is on the same page.

Chemistry appears to be (in my personal experience) the number one variable when it comes to hooking up with any other human being. It doesn't matter whether that being is a male or female. So, be certain your attraction or repulsion from potential partners is based on chemistry, not so much on fantasy or eye candy. Which isn't to say you CAN'T use fantasy or eye candy in the equation, it's just better if those are the frosting of the cake.

I hope this is helpful,
again, welcome to a more colorful world.
FF

[LoveLion]

I wouldn't suggest jumping right in to it. It can be quite of a shock and once your in you may feel like you need to get out.

Let the idea stew for a while, and find out how you really feel.
Like Ferocious mentioned, find out if the attraction outlast your arousal. When you finish masturbating while thinking about being with a man, do you still feel attracted to men? would you lie and cuddle with a man after you finish?

Once you know how you feel, take slow steps. Dont just leap into things. The guy you do it with the first time is also very important. Make sure he understands exactly how you feel before getting involved. If you just want sex, make sure he knows that. Its always good if you can find someone who understands your situation and is willing to lead you through it with encouragement, rather then someone who just wants to fuck.

[DiamondDog]

Do what feels right for you.

If you feel that you need to rush in, to make up for lost time, do it. If you feel that you don't want to rush into it, don't.

[dnk6789]

Thanks for the thoughtful advice, believe me I appreciate it. To answer one question I don't really know if I would have any interest in cuddling afterward. Most likely not. I rather be with women only when it comes to things like kissing, or telling real personal things to. All I know is I've had same sex attraction for several years, and have really started to give the idea of sex with a man some serious consideration. Could be I find out I hate it and then that will be it, or I could find out I've missed out big time.

Again; great advice. I will give it more thought before doing anything. I also have to consider that I have been very lonely as I do not presently have a significant other in my life.