My confused and convoluted story

[Johncuriousman]

Hello all.

I’m new to the site. My story is quite confusing for me emotionally. I’ve known that I’m bisexual my entire life. I’ve always been attracted to both sexes. I don’t really put labels, but I see myself falling for the person regardless of what genitals they have.

my senior year in high school is when I had my first experience with a man. Him and I had a secret relationship that lasted almost a year. I had girlfriends before him and after him.

During college I had a couple of on and off relationships with a couple of guys, of course I always kept it a secret. My last year in college I met my ex wife. Coming from a catholic family, I rapidly repressed my male tendencies. I kept my urges at ease with porn.

Now I just divorced. I’m looking to see what’s out there and finally explore my tendencies a bit more. The way I see it is, I’ll date both male and female and whoever I end up in a relationship, so be it.

My confusion lies on me wanting to keep my same sex life a secret. I come from a heavy catholic family and at 40 have built a pretty strong life that I fear might come crashing down if the truth was known.

If I end up in a relationship with a man. It’s going to be hard to find that man who would want to keep the relationship a secret, specially if the man is out. Who knows? I’m scared and exited to see what life awaits for me after my divorce.

[KDaddy23]

Hello and welcome! I think the biggest issue a lot of guys have is trying to keep their secret a secret and I'm thinking that having a really devout Catholic family isn't going to make things easier if you should find yourself in a relationship with another guy and you introduce him to your family... which can let the cat out of the bag sometimes. There's no real solution to this that I'm aware of except don't introduce him to your family as your partner. People aren't "stupid" in the sense that anyone who may see you being really chummy with another guy will almost assume that you're both gay and a couple and family? Kinda hard to fool them most of the time. Then some people just figure it out - but don't say anything.

You never really know how things are going to turn out in this until they develop - if they develop. A lot of bisexuals always think the worst-case scenario is right around the corner but, truthfully? Sometimes it is... and sometimes it isn't. So for now, give a lot of thought about how you're gonna deal with being in a relationship with a guy, how you're gonna explain it if/when you have to, and what you're gonna have to do to keep your life from crashing and burning.

[tenni]

Hi John: Welcome to bi.com

You seem to have internal acceptance of your sexuality.

It is other people's reaction if they find out that you are attracted to both men and women that bothers you. It is shame and shame comes from pressure of others.

There was a woman who use to post here a lot. Cat would say that it is no one else's business whether she had sex with women or men unless they are the person who want to have sex with her. You do not owe another person permission for who you are attracted to. If someone asked if she was bisexual(of a lesbian) she would reply with "Are you asking me to have sex with you?" (that would shut most of the busy bodies up. :yikes2:;0

Some bisexuals follow the path of gay people and feel compelled to "confess" publicly their sexuality. Some people claim to feel better if they disclose to others that they are bisexual. Reality: most people don't care who you are sexually attracted to unless you are looking to have sex with them.

You owe no one a disclosure that you are bisexual unless you are sexually interested in them.

Some bisexual men are married and want discretion about being affectionate or sexual with another guy. Lots and lots of other bisexual men will fit your need for privacy.

[Cum1st]

Hello all.

I’m new to the site. My story is quite confusing for me emotionally. I’ve known that I’m bisexual my entire life. I’ve always been attracted to both sexes. I don’t really put labels, but I see myself falling for the person regardless of what

If I end up in a relationship with a man. It’s going to be hard to find that man who would want to keep the relationship a secret, specially if the man is out. Who knows? I’m scared and exited to see what life awaits for me after my divorce.

I feel you may be thinking too far ahead.

[zbi73]

I can somewhat relate. Though I'm not married, nor religious, it's the fear of people finding out and their reactions when they do so that keeps me firmly in the closet. It's mainly in my mind, yes, some will walk away but some will not. Win some, lose some. With time, I'll eventually come to the stage where I just don't care any more but until then, I'l carry on with the journey.

[Johncuriousman]

Thank you for the replies guys. Really helps out to read them. Now... how do I go about meeting guys lol! I’ve been off the game for a decade.

[GayGuy04]

Hi John nice to see you here i hope everything works out ok for you did your wife know your bi or no cause mostly married are on the dl and don't say a word or others will tell her good luck :)

[RisingBi]

I consider myself bisexual as I have had tons of gay fantasies for over 25 years (I'm 57), enjoyed so much gay porn, anonymously sucked over 100 cocks in countless gay sex venues, and have had sex with a few guys in each other's homes, including some anal play, and fucking once. My fantasies have included romance with a guy as well (falling in love, having a boyfriend, and even getting married to a man), but I've never had those feelings with any real guy, yet. The only people that know that I am bisexual are my two therapists, my now ex-girlfriend (we broke up in December after a rocky 3-year relationship), and the two girlfriends she told--which I'm not happy about, especially since I know them both, one quite well.

Otherwise I'm in the closet and want to stay that way while it's only a sexual thing for me. I don't feel comfortable with the thought that people who find out would immediately assume that I'm full on bisexual, including love and romance, when I'm not (wow, reading that back allows me to see that deep down I still have homophobic feelings, that love and romance between two men is even worse than just sex between two men). And I'm certainly not comfortable needing to qualify my bisexuality with them, having to explain to them I only have sexual lust for other men, but with women it's everything. I know, it shouldn't matter what people think about me, and I don't owe anyone any qualification, any explanation whatsoever. But it's hard to let that go. It's just easier to keep everything secret.

I've never even had a male fuck buddy (though I fantasize about it all the time). So it's only been almost exclusively one night stands, and so far just one guy that I saw multiple times a few years ago. So no one regular man is in my life that I need to explain his existence to others. I don't even think I want to come out for a fuck buddy. It's only if I ever do fall in love and have a regular man in my everyday life, a boyfriend, that I feel I need to come out. I wish that I was more accepting of my bisexuality (though I have come a long way in accepting it, especially after finally having intercourse with another man for the first, and so far only, time in 2013).

I know there is an element of shame within me, not only about same-sex desires and activities, but also shame that it's just sexual lust, and not the love of a whole man, arguably the healthier sexuality (yes, I realize that is a contradiction to my homophobia that love between two men is worse than just sex). So I kind of feel like a pervert. So I definitely need to get out there again, and especially to connect with another guy on a level other than straight sex, in order to overcome these contradictions and accept myself, and make it more about another guy's needs and wishes than my own.

I'm kind of in a similar situation to you in so far as just coming out of a long-term relationship with a woman, though we were only boyfriend/girlfriend, and only for 3 years. But I'm excited to get out there and see guys again and explore the gay part of my sexuality. Even throughout that monogamous three-year relationship with my ex-girlfriend, my gay desires and jerking off to gay porn almost never stopped. In fact, I was all ready in early March to hook up with a guy when the pandemic lockdown happened. I don't know how much longer I can go without getting naked with another man.

As for how to do that (when I'm ready (vis-Ã*-vis the coronavirus)), my preferred method of choice is to use online gay hook-up sites, especially Squirt (my number one favourite in the area I live in), but lots of others that I have my profile on, like Adam4Adam, iHookup, Fetlife, Silverdaddies, Doublelist, Zoig, HipForums, and the Grindr app. And I'm not sure about Tinder and have to explore it further, because it is especially geared towards profile pictures of your face, not possible for me because I'm in the closet. And the receiving end of profile pictures on Grindr and Tinder, because nudity is not allowed (damn those Puritan cellphone makers!) are also a problem, since I'm only interested in a guy's cock and ass.

[Coastocoast]

Yea the catholic thing in my family along with kids and work keep my private life quiet as well. The biggest thing is not letting the guilt you grew up with (Like me) consume you. I will never wear it on my shirt but have had a few relationships that were fun, healthy and under the radar screen. Hang in there and try not to stress about what may or may not be and live.