DOWN LOW QUESTIONS...

[dowmass]

I am happy for two categories of people:

A) The BI folks that have come out and their spouses know.
b) The Bi folks that have come out - and their spouses join in the fun ... Which I think is great.

Now about the not so fortunate crowd (and this includes me and thousands of others).

I have a questions :

How do you stay "Down low", Keep it a secret from your spouse? What are the challenges? what precautions you take to keep the secret?
When you have the "other guy" in your life, is it just about being a top or bottom - or are you also romantically involved?
if the answer is "romance", is it possible to love a woman and a man equally?
Do you prefer a relationship with another married guy - or it doesn't matter?
Do you think sex with a married guy is different from that with a single or divorced guy?

Thanks in advance for your answers - that I genuinely seek!

[Cum1st]

--How do you stay "Down low", Keep it a secret from your spouse? What are the challenges? what precautions you take to keep the secret?

My (second) wife has known I am Bi since before we were married. She consented to watch me with another man. Unfortunately he wasn't willing. She was hot (but not kinky) for sex early in our relationship. At some point in our marriage she started making sex more and more difficult. For a while now there's been no sex. We don't talk about it. Before we got married she told me she expected that I would fool around and she could live with it. Perhaps it had to do with the way we got together. I've only been with a very few men since then and no women. She may have surmised that I was getting it on with one of them. That relationship went on once a week for about a year 'till he was transferred to another state, and she knew him. Each of the others were one-offs. One I gave a blowjob in an adult book store that my FWB and I went to together. I haven't been with anyone in 15 years.

--When you have the "other guy" in your life, is it just about being a top or bottom - or are you also romantically involved?
if the answer is "romance", is it possible to love a woman and a man equally?

In that relationship we had trust, respect, friendship, and sex but no romance. Neither of us was into kissing another man. Maybe that made a difference. We used to joke that neither of us had to remove our rings when we were together. As for women, I flirt but don't touch.

On the top or bottom thing: I've enjoyed sucking off men that didn't want to reciprocate back then. As for having a relationship, which I crave, I like reciprocation to what ever extent the other man is comfortable. Take my one FWB partner. He only took it in the ass once and didn't like it. He never licked my balls or asshole, wanted to be pissed on or drink it for that matter, and it worked out better if I came first (Cum1st) because I didn't lose the urge after I cum with a man. Not a problem. He liked to suck and swallow, fuck my ass, cum in my ass or mouth. He allowed me to lick his balls and stick my tongue up his ass. He even pissed on me and allowed me to drink from his cock when I wanted. Now that was a good sexual relationship.

-- Do you prefer a relationship with another married guy - or it doesn't matter?

Yes, or at least in a committed relationship with a woman. I feel he's less likely to want to get around and pick up an STD.

--Do you think sex with a married guy is different from that with a single or divorced guy?

No, not really. I feel it's safer. It also wouldn't be so bad if I got to lick her dried juices off his cock and surrounding area.

[dowmass]

Thank you for taking the trouble or replying to my post. It gives me a new insight about what a realistic expectation should be.

[Cum1st]

It's pleasant to recall past positive experiences.

[cornholejoe]

i just keep it on the down low with 2 married men i know

[KDaddy23]

The challenge is to handle this business without having to explain why you've been doing... stuff that you weren't normally doing before. "Unusual" changes in one's routine - and changes that can't be plausibly explained - can raise suspicions and can put a guy onto a path of telling one lie after the other to cover his activities; I've seen guys get into arguments with their partner when they ask something like why are you late coming home - and the guy gets indignant and starts defending his right to do whatever he wants to do when he needs to do it and it didn't go well from them. One has to be very smart about being on the DL and, if and when possible, plan things around normal patterns of behavior - and that's not alway easy to do.

Is it about romance or the top and bottom thing? It's about whatever the two guys have decided they want to explore together. Some guys want a FWB to, first, just have friend they can hang out with and if they can have sex as well - and when hanging out - so much the better. Which, by the way, having a new male friend and your partner knowing that you've run into a guy you wanna be friends with can go a long way to keep suspicions away - unless you're spending "too much" time with your new friend and in your partner's opinion - then you gotta be able to explain why you're spending "too much" time.

Is it possible to love a man and a woman equally? No, other than being in love with them. Literally, we love people differently but the one thing that could get a guy in trouble on the DL - and love is in the mix - is trying to divide one's time "equally" between the two people they love. One can try to be equal in this but I wouldn't recommend it; otherwise, here comes a whole lot of both complaints and questions about why you seem to be all over the place instead of the steady person you were.

Married guys just seem to make better "outside partners" because they're already settled down in a lot of ways that matter; you know he's not likely to "leave you for someone else" because they're already with someone else but that doesn't mean that you can't find someone who isn't married who has their shit together and squared away.. Married guys tend to be safer because you know where his dick has been - in his wife! - and he's not likely to want to take any major sexual risks in order to keep her safe. I've never really thought about a preference in this other than the guy I'd be seeing on the side has to have his head screwed on right and understands that, yeah we got this thing going on but it's not just about us - we have other responsibilities that we have to deal with - Rule Number One in this, to me, is always, "Take care of home first!"

Is the sex better or different with a married or divorced guy? I dunno - depends on the guy, what his sexual situation is if he's married or what it's been like for him after his divorce; in my opinion, there's too many potential variables involved to definitively say that the sex is better or all that different in either case. It's just gonna be whatever the two of you are willing to make it. I do think that with a married or divorced guy, there's no real need to "impress" each other; let's just do some stuff together and find out what works and what doesn't and go on from there.

Just my three cents worth - your experiences will vary but in any of this, be smart and do what you gotta do to cover your ass when on the DL.