Bi BDSM questions...

[stonebow]

I felt the thread about fantasies and what form they take raised some other intriguing questions; such as how many of those who identify as bottoms fantasize about bondage scenarios? How many bottoms are active in BDSM play? Was kink always your preferred mode of play or, like me, did it take years before you found the thought of being made another's helpless sex toy appealing?

[stonebow]

Come on!....nobody wants to chime in on this?

[shyfellow]

What's the question?

[shyfellow]

Would love to be bound and used repeatedly. Not active but would love to find someone to play with. I think I have always had a natural attraction to it but it has gotten stronger as I got older. Especially an interest in being dominated by a man.

[fredtyg]

I've had some fantasies early on in life about BDSM. Not so much into it myself, but as a way of turning on someone else who enjoys it. My one almost BDSM experience from long ago, and a more recent inadvertent experience kinda got me to lose whatever enthusiasm I had for the idea.

Back in the early '80s I was seeing a girl. She came over to my place and we had sex one day. After it was over we were having pillow talk when she mentioned she'd always wanted to handcuff a guy and have her way with him. I told her I'd be happy to go along with that. She seemed really stoked and appreciative, telling me no other guy she'd known would ever do it. That felt good as we really didn't get along all that well. Maybe we'd found a common interest, or I had something valuable to offer her?

Not that I was really into being bound, but if it would turn her on, sure.

Not long after that I was at her place. She had a vicious dog she kept in the back yard. I'm sitting on the couch and she brings the dog in on a leash. It's growling and snapping at me as I'm sitting there. I asked her to take the dog back outside. She kept coming closer with the dog on a leash. Despite my requests to take the dog outside, she kept edging closer to me saying, "What's the matter? Is she scaring you?".

She seemed to enjoy seeing me bothered by her dog. Ok. not bothered, but scared, but I'd lost it and once you lose it with a dog there's no recovering from it. She finally took the dog back outside, chastising me for being such a sissy. Well, you can imagine there's no way I'd let her handcuff me after that. Who knows what she might do? She really seemed to get off on scaring me and being in control. I didn't like it at all.

We broke up soon thereafter by mutual agreement. Not sure what her reasons for wanting out were, but the dog thing was just part of mine. Maybe a big part.

The second time was a few years back. In fact, the last time I hooked up with a guy.

I'd advertised on Craigslist M4M as a submissive that wanted to please a guy, or something along that line. A guy replied to my ad that happened to live just a few blocks from me. I went over to his place and right away he was all dominant and ordering me around. To make a long story short, he wouldn't let me suck him unless I did things just so. It even involved some light slapping.

At one point he broke with the tough guy routine and asked if I'd mind if he put me in shackles as "punishment". I went along with it but the whole thing was a flop. Apparently when I described myself as submissive he assumed I meant in some BDSM role. I only meant I was willing to do whatever he wanted. within reason, of course.

I guess I should have said something to him about the misconception he had. He never let me finish him off. Kept saying I wasn't sucking right. Finally we both gave up and he got all nice and I went home. Almost scary, in a way, not enjoyable but no harm done. That was that and I haven't seen him since.

Haven't had the fantasy since, although I still wouldn't mind a little of it if it would turn the other guy or gal on. I don't think I'd ever do a blind hook up with someone who wanted BDSM, though.

[Gearbox]

I love BDSM! As the dom tho. IMO it's my way of making up for all those times I've seen hot sexy blokes who I've wanted to do WTF I wanted with them....over the years.
I can be completely disinterested in sex.......until I get the soft cotton ropes around their arms and legs tied to each leg of my bed. THEN.....all that buried lust comes out and I make them pay for all that buried frustration. In a VERY nice way btw!! It's just about pleasure and control for me.:angel:
The subs like it just as much as I do, and are perfectly happy to oblige!l They love the feeling of 'helplessness' and the lack of responsibility for what I do with/to them.

Am expecting my BDSM bud tonight. He's a big ex-fireman/bouncer and could crush me like a grape if he wanted.lol He gets much more pleasure feeling dominated tho....TF!:rolleyes:

[cuttin2dachase]

I am not dominant by nature and had only ever been a roleplay dom to my 1st wife when she was in a roleplay submissive mood. When I first started meeting bi married men, I was surprised at how many of them had fantasies of being dominated and controlled by another man and at how many of them had fantasies to wear panties and other sexy female things during the experience. The thought of having a willing male sub turned me on, panties or no panties. Although my several sub male partners (and I) did not desire hardcore BDSM, light bondage, spanking, nipple/cock torture, command/control/discipline/verbal abuse and 'forced' oral sex were a turn on for all. We discussed limits and boundaries before meeting and stayed within them. This type of play is immensely erotic and the mm sex is intense for dom and sub, but only if trust is established beforehand. It's been a while since the last of my last dom roleplay experiences, but my cock still gets hard thinking about them ...

[stonebow]

Can we keep this going....I'm really curious to hear what all you have to say?

[Red_Pony]

Keep in mind that BDSM is an acronym for four different affinities: Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism. (Some say Sado-masochism.)

I think the dominant/submissive aspect of it comes into play regardless of your sexual orientation. Whether you like to be tied up, spanked, or engage in any other "kinky" play is simply a matter of a consensual agreement between responsible adults. I am definitely a dom / alpha male, but that doesn't mean I want to tie up everybody I encounter, or that I expect people to "do my bidding." In my experience, a successful domination / submission play session can be made without one ever having to raise a hand or pick up a rope.

I actually began my sexual journey as a switch, and found out that my submissive experiences actually empowered my dominant side. I never found the helplessness aspect of being a bottom to be arousing. In my opinion, a submissive should never be "completely" helpless. If they are not in a position to get what they want, the scene isn't going according to plan. There's a reason we call this "play." The lifestylers and master-slave couples may disagree, but to each his/her own, and for me, it is all about fun and getting your rocks off. :-)

[stonebow]

Pretty interesting....any subs want to chime in?

[HappyHedonic]

Ok, I'll chime in.....

Confirmed bisexual here, only dabbled in BDSM with women (and not very well trained women at BDSM). My fantasy would be to have a MF couple to explore a variety of scenarios.....both male subs serving a Femdom, MF subs serving a Maledom, me as a sub serving both as Doms, etc. It all tickles the "turn on" part of my brain. I have yet to meet that couple though.

My wife enjoys only an occasional mild spanking, and thats it. My girlfriend will sometimes act the Femdom, put on the strap-on and fuck my ass, but she is somewhat unrefined in the role of being a Femdom and struggles with embracing the role.

BDSM is something that (for me) requires a certain headspace to be in. Someone can't just out of the blue bark out commands and expect me to be turned on, I have to be (for lack of better words) seduced into the mindset of being a sub for me to really enjoy it. I can understand when women say that they can't just jump into sex, they need to be "in the mood". I get that.

[kenjacks51]

I'm a Dominant who had the rare and unusual experience of having been mentored by a real life Master when my wife and I were experimenting with bondage and Dom/sub play. He never physically interacted with us in the bedroom, but he took us both under his wing as it were and taught me the old school ways and etiquette of being a Dominant. He was a guest in our home many,many times and what I learned from him changed my life in many ways. What he taught me about the why's and where's of a scene and the mindset of the submissive actually cemented our marriage as I learned to look at and regard the woman who I still to this day dearly love.

As in so many marriages, nature plays that ugly trick called menopause and my wife lost all interest in sex. Things were like this for a few years and despite my pleading and suggestions, it is still that way. I'd suggest that nature isn't as perfect as many would like to think it is, because a lot of husbands find themselves sitting there with their dick in their hands and deprived of one of life's greatest pleasures - sex.

Like many husbands, I finally gave in to urges that had been suppressed for most of my life and began to seek out another man to have sex with rather than a woman. It just seemed less like cheating if I found another guy and what would be a long search began to find the right guy. My standards were high and actually would be considered unrealistic by many people. But eventually, I found the right guy - still a m/m virgin, in a long term marriage, submissive, established and stable.

Long story short, he became my boi and after a couple of years, he suggested that I find another new guy to bring in because he knew that I really wanted sex more often than he could give it to me. So, after another long search, I initiated a new guy and see him now on a fairly regular basis. He was reluctant to admit at first that he liked sucking cock but I've been seeing him now for almost three years and each time that we are together now, it just gets better and better and he allows me to take him just a bit further into submission and he loves the bondage, sensory deprivation and CBT. He has developed into an enthusiastic and very capable cock sucker and boi and last time, he consented to his first real anal penetration with up to three very well lubed fingers as he lay on the bed with his legs spread and held up by ropes and pulleys that were attached to some eye bolts in the ceiling that are reminders of my kinky times with my wife. Another time or two, and he will want me inside him, I have no doubt. We sixty nined and while I have never been a real fan of sucking cock, I do like his and I took and swallowed his load for the first time. It's no secret that when a Dom swallows a boi's load, that a bond is formed and the trust level rises a few notches on the boi's part. I have developed the opinion that given enough times together, his already waning interest in women sexually will only grow until...

There is at this time, the possibility of a new pet coming into the stable and this guy shows every sign of wanting only to be used and to serve and be turned totally. One of its last emails said this - and these are its exact words - "Yes that is what it wants the most to be reduced to just an object for men to use for pleasure.If Master was to share or loan out it would only be a dark urge come true. My clitty is leaking") it, as I refer to him now since he indicated that he wants to serve as a sub slave and be considered a possession, is supposed to be here at my home this coming week for its indoctrination and the setting of rules, guidelines and parameters. I will never suck it and it has indicated that it will serve and service who ever I direct it to. I've known it for a few years and nurtured it and its finally ready to surrender itself. it was here last summer and sucked me, leaving with my seed in its belly which I thought wasn't bad considering that it had never had cock before.

I have sucked both of my bois and the enjoyment level, such as it is with me, depends on where I am at in my mind and how well the boi has done during the scene. There are times when I feel an actual hunger for cock, but mostly, I prefer being sucked and my bois enjoy pleasing me with their mouth because they know how much it pleases Master. It has occurred to me that once a man has sucked cock, there is no turning back and that desire for homosexual contact only grows and becomes stronger as he ages. This lifestyle is something of a curse but oh, the pleasures... I never engage in casual sex and neither do my bois, so we can play bareback and enjoy it all as it was meant to be enjoyed, The trust has been built and no one wants to lose what we now share because such a relationship as we all share is a very rare thing IMHO. faggot, as it is called, will be a welcome addition and having enjoyed both bois at once recently for the first time, I can only wonder what another threesome with faggot added in will be like? The threesome was awesome - could it possibly be better?

[stonebow]

"Once a man has sucked cock there is no turning back and that desire for homosexual contact only grows and becomes stronger as he ages." Are you referring to homosexual contact in general or for playing the submissive role specifically? You yourself have sucked cock....did it lessen your dominant tendencies any? I'm a bottom....I think I've known I was a bottom from the first time I sucked a cock to completion. If not from that moment certainly after I was fucked for the first time. I never equated that with being a sub until I started viewing BDSM porn and identifying with the subs. I figured there must be something really great about being tied up and used sexually because at the end of those videos the subs were positively GLOWING with pleasure. I'm curious to know what that feels like.

[newlynymphos]

For me, I get incredibly turned on when imobilized and teased/fucked in front of an audience! By a man, woman, or both!

[stonebow]

Ok, so the impression I'm getting so far is that bottoms seem to have some sort of predisposition toward being a sub in a BDSM scenario.....not surprizing, I suppose. I guess my question should really be; If ALL subs are bottoms, are ALL bottoms submissive?

[itsnormy]

this one is....:)

[stonebow]

Anyone else?....

[newlynymphos]

I'm a total submissive, and 100% bottom :)

[stonebow]

So any theories as to why the submissiveness? I know a fellow (and I'm sure his case is not unique) who, although a bottom, has absolutely ZERO interest in being tied, flogged, spanked..etc. so to put it down to a natural outgrowth of being a bottom is, I think, too simple an explanation. I've always regarded sucking a cock or taking one in the ass as a submissive act....subordinating one's own pleasure (at least the pleasure of an orgasm) to satisfy another's. Perhaps some bottoms regard it differently....perhaps they see themselves as being in control of the top's pleasure and for them being topped is actually a power trip, in which case being tied up would take away from that feeling of control. I can only tell you that my feelings when with a man are of immense gratification at being the object of HIS desire....an ego trip more than a power trip.....but I don't quite know where the bondage and so on figures in????

[newlynymphos]

I don't know. I found I got incredibly turned on when getting body waxing, and some of my tattoos! Pain turned into pleasure :) Being immobilized, and fondled, you don't know what pleasure zone will be hit, so when a carress, spank, or penetration occurs in that "compromised" position, is incredibly exhilarating and a huge turn on!

[aLABiM75 & StrF51]

No BDSM here, as of yet....
or the desire to have any, as of yet.

[Cursubm]

For me it was a gradual for me also. Started being with my wife getting me in her panties. After I experienced the endorphins and warmth from a spanking, I was hooked and became more interested.

[newlynymphos]

http://i581.photobucket.com/albums/ss254/NissanMarkVII/AssFuck1.jpg (http://s581.photobucket.com/user/NissanMarkVII/media/AssFuck1.jpg.html)
http://i581.photobucket.com/albums/ss254/NissanMarkVII/WP_0009731.jpg (http://s581.photobucket.com/user/NissanMarkVII/media/WP_0009731.jpg.html)
http://i581.photobucket.com/albums/ss254/NissanMarkVII/Balls-asstattoo1-1.jpg (http://s581.photobucket.com/user/NissanMarkVII/media/Balls-asstattoo1-1.jpg.html)
ANd more genital ink coming this weekend!

[stonebow]

Very impressive ink Newly. I have one tattoo and while I wouldn't say the process of getting it was traumatic... it didn't titillate me either. Have never really been spanked....other than in the heat of the moment.....nor flogged, waxed, or much of any other sort of pain play. But the thought of being restrained and used sexually makes me drip!

[newlynymphos]

It is one of those things you don't know turns you on until you experience it :) Either you tolerate it, hate it, or get aroused by it :) Waxing is the biggest turn on, followed by my lower groin and butt crack tattoos :) Waxing is repeatable, tattoos are a one time pleasure (and some, do hurt like hell, and couldn't wait for the process to be done!)

[SilkyHoseLover]

I've never been a fan of tattoos, but I do admire the artwork and the talent of the artists who create them. I just prefer the beautiful appearance of clear, naked skin, especially hair-free naked skin. I think temporary tattoos could be cool -- to set the mood for a special evening, example. But I don't care for the permanence of the real ones. I don't want to be saddled with one particular look for the rest of my life.

And, I must say, the two pictures of you above, I find very attractive. It must make you feel very vulnerable and sexy to be posed so provocatively. Wish somebody wanted to see me that way!

[stonebow]

Think I'll dip my toe in the water this weekend, try a little light bondage... see how it feels.

[newlynymphos]

Love ink (obviously!) but love skin too. That's why I prefer tattoos with a lot of "negative space", i.e. Skin space. Shows both the art, and the skin :)

[stonebow]

Well been there and done it. Kinda hard to say how I feel about it. It WAS certainly interesting to be restrained and naked. I knew I wasn't really as helpless as I could have been though...my dom slipped the ropes off over my head and feet at the end of our session which I could also have done at any time. Perhaps a more vulnerable position than I was in would have made the difference...might just have to do it again to make sure...lol.

[Gypsy_Rose]

I've had several BDSM relationships. I accidentally fell into the world when back in the day, I went into an AOL chatroom called F4F Dungeon. I thought it was going to be lesbian dungeons and dragons. boy was i wrong.

I learned a lot about who I was and what turned me on in these relationships, and I found out that I am primarily a bottom, with an occasional Dominant/Top side. However, I am not by nature submissive. I am very strong willed and opinionated and outside of the bedroom, you better not try telling me what to do no questions asked.

I've had three failed relationships because of misaligned Top/Dominant bottom/submissive expectations.

I lived with a male dominant for close to 10 years. The sex was awesome, and we played a lot, and explored a lot of different things. I learned how much pain can be erotically stimulating, I learned how much sensory deprivation can turn off your monkey mind and let you drop into sub space, and allow the Dominant to play you like a musician plays a violin. It's very freeing, and makes for some incredible sexual experiences. But outside the bedroom, he wanted to still keep me on a metaphoric leash with pager and constant check ins and telling me what to do and how to do it and what to wear, and so forth. It just didn't work.

When I met my current wife, we met as members of the BDSM community, and she played at being a Top, but once we got into the relationship, she was more bottom than I was and almost 100% vanilla. I was already emotionally committed, and physically relocated and hoped we could make it work. What happened is that we just stopped having sex altogether because it was not satisfying. At all. I still love her but our sex life is dead due to incompatibility.

So, I guess in summary, I am generally a sexual bottom (and more so with men than women -- I like taking the lead with women far more often than with men), but, with an exception for occasional role play, absolutely NOT a submissive personality.

[stonebow]

Sorry to hear of your sexless marriage Gypsy....been there and it's no picnic for sure. Not at all surprised to hear of the dichotomy between your day to day personality and your sexual self. It seems that a great number of those no nonsense, in your face, take charge types are the very ones who want to follow another's lead in sexual matters. That used to be a puzzlement to me but now I think it makes perfect sense. It must be mentally and emotionally exhausting to be "that" person...the one who always has to be in control. Surrendering within the context of a safe, non judgemental, physically safe environment must be amazingly liberating! I hope someday you find the solution to your dilemma and the emotional and carnal fulfilment you seek are realized.

[WildColonial]

back in the day, I went into an AOL chatroom called F4F Dungeon. I thought it was going to be lesbian dungeons and dragons. boy was i wrong.


Sorry, just couldn't help but chuckle at this!

I'm a switch sexually; most of my experiences have been as a bottom/sub, but I've recently played the Top/Domme role with my current girlfriend. I don't know that I'd categorize my personality as one way or the other. I have to be *very* much in control in my work, so being able to submit to another person is very liberating. On the other hand, I've had quite a few friends tell me I'm an alpha female (in non-sexual aspects of my life), and I'm the daughter of two alpha parents.

[mrcumsalot]

I have always been submissive in my relationships. I have always believed that in order to completely please my partners I must be willing to do whatever is necessary. If a man wishes to humiliate me who am I to say no to him. If he wishes to beat me with a belt, cane, paddle etc, then he should not be prevented from doing so. The only thing I draw the line on is hits to my head, face...that is a definite no no.. Some of the things my partners have wanted may seem obscene and gross and just plain wrong, but I have never denied a man what he wants as I feel it is my duty to please him and to leave him feeling fulfilled and comforted.

[stonebow]

And what of your day to day life, cumsalot? Do you hold a position with a title and wield a degree of power and influence? My reason for asking is to confirm or refute my theory that pronounced sexual submissiveness is the counterbalance to the "Alpha" personality's need to be in control.....a psychic pressure release valve if you will.

[stonebow]

So how about it...anyone care to offer an alternative theory for this submissive thing?

[Long Duck Dong]

I love a series of books called the book jewels trilogy ( there is actually 8 books)

in the books there is a caste system, landen, bloods, jeweled bloods, black widows, warlords, warlord princes and queens..... and a protocol system.......

the males can serve a queen but a true connection is when a person feels the pull ( desire to serve a queen ) and they will place their lives in her hands ( a submissive aspect ) but the first rule of protocol, is not to obey, its to protect, the second is to honour and obey..... there is a difference between service to a queen ( a contract ) and serving a queen ( feeling the need to belong to her )

even the black jeweled males ( black is the darkest and most powerful jewels ) willingly serve witch ( the most powerful queen ever born ), and tho they can love and cherish other women, the need to serve and honor witch is something that runs so deep in their nature, there is no other possible reason for them to exist.... and while they can and do rule over parts of the land as the alpha person and queens answer to them....

Alpha people are like alpha animals, they are the leaders, the rule makers, the head of the food chain.... but their power comes not from the ability to lead, but others need to serve.... and if you look at heads of state and country, they are alpha people but under them, are other alpha people that they will talk with and work with..... its not about surrendering control.... but maintaining a balanced level of control and power

I wield multiple positions of power in different area... and while I kneel at my partners feet, I can stand beside her, I will not stand as her equal, I will honor and respect the differences between us because that is how we work best together.....
there is a saying in the books, that the blood will sing to the blood.... those that compliment each other and work together, will call to any other... and while I feel the draw to serve, I will kneel at my partners feet as a protector and defender but not as a slave... and if I need to stand against her, its for her own good

its not so much a counterbalance..... but part of a very vast and complex social and commercial network that happens to maintain a balance of power...... remove it, and you end up with a social dictatorship where everybody has a semblance of power but because they are given that power ( korea for example )

[stonebow]

Hmm...Pretty convoluted on the face of it LDD. Not unlike the sci-fi series Gor in some respects. There's a whole group on Fetlife dedicated to that series and the BDSM culture it portrays. Perhaps I need to read this series for myself to fully get what you are saying here...who is the author?

[Long Duck Dong]

anne bishop..... the black jewels trilogy is the story of witch and daemon, .. shaladors lady and the shadow queen cover the story of cassidy, that ones about how the court works..... the invisible ring is the story of jared... and how there is a difference between the ring of obedience that is used to control males and enslave them, and the silver ( honor ) and gold ( love ) rings that a male chooses to wear

while it sounds like gor, its definately not........ there is more to the books than I am telling, but thats because a person needs to read them to really understand how the balance works....

[stonebow]

I shall have a look for the series and check it out. Thanks for the lead.

[txsmale55]

I want to be a bottom, still waiting for the first man to take my anal cherry. And I dream of being tied up and abused spanked, flogged punished. CBT, anything with sexual pain turns me on.

[Cursubm]

I want to be a bottom, still waiting for the first man to take my anal cherry. And I dream of being tied up and abused spanked, flogged punished. CBT, anything with sexual pain turns me on. Sounds nice to me too.

[stonebow]

I want to be a bottom, still waiting for the first man to take my anal cherry. And I dream of being tied up and abused spanked, flogged punished. CBT, anything with sexual pain turns me on.

So what do you think of my "emotional pressure release" theory?.....does the personality type apply to you?

[stonebow]

Come on folks...trying to map out some new ground here. Help a guy out!

[Gypsy_Rose]

I personally think you are spot on with your theory, for some people, for BDSM bottoms who are by nature or nurture alphas during the day. long before i came into a leadership role in business, i was the one always worrying and holding all the details together based on my dysfunctional upbringing with an alcoholic parent. this created in me a need for as you say a pressure release, a place to not be under that constant pressure. i wish i had it now, i could use it. but for it to truly work, you have to have that deeply built trust in order to completely surrender. like your experience with the Dom where the bondage was more for show than effect, you couldn't completely release into that space of being entirely held by the other. i was also a cutter when i was a teen. had the same kind of effect as S/m infliction of pain, endorphin release and soothing. so i have always been like this.

however there are also people who are natural born submissives, who live to please and serve. i can't venture to guess what there experience is like, but i know it is distinctly different than mine.

[stonebow]

Yours is an interesting tale, Gypsy. I am definitely not an alpha and can't say I ever felt pressure to hold it "together" while growing up, but since then I think I have felt a great deal of pressure to be the one to keep everything in line. Work, relationships, and life in general I guess have placed me in positions of responsibility and leadership and not always of my own choosing. When the weight of that kind of responsibility is felt the impulse to escape, to throw off the yoke and let someone else take charge is a powerful one. If you can't do it at work that impulse gets expressed through your play. Also, I think I AM a people pleaser. I derive a great sense of....validation, I guess....from being appreciated for a job well done.....whether that's a handcrafted piece of woodwork or a blowjob...lol. Feeling a strong urge right now actually. I have the day off from work and I'm torn between doing the responsible thing taking care of some backlogged errands, and hooking up with that dom and letting him use me......!

[Gypsy_Rose]

Ahhh, yes, i'm always a bit of a mixture of things, i am not an alpha by birth, i think if i were i would tend toward the Dominant role. But because I have had to take on an alpha role, because it is not one that comes naturally for me, i look for the release from the role via BDSM bottoming, surrendering power to a Dominant.

There's so much psychology at work here in power exchange relationships, each case will be different, as each person is unique, and as i believe is the case with all things human, things exist on a spectrum and are rarely simply black or white, yes or no. But I think some general inferences can be drawn.

I vote for spending some time with the Dom. :)

[mrcumsalot]

I am a bottom submissive male. I have never had a steady relationship, preferring instead to meet new partners on a regular basis. I have always believed that to truly please a man one must be willing to do whatever he pleases. I have lived dangerously but so far nothing too bad has happened. I allow my men, complete strangers, to tie me up where I cannot possibly move or escape. Some of these men have proceeded to do some brutal sexual acts on me. I keep several "toys" available for them ot use on me including some canes which they are always free to use. There is only one time where I was truly terrorized by someone I had brought home. He tied me down and then he pulled out a large jack knife which he proceeded to run over my body while telling me he would kill me. Obviously he didn't carry out his threat and I was unharmed, if a little shaken. I have been with this man a couple times since this incident and the same scenario was repeated each time....because it is my duty as a bitch?) to allow whatever is going to happen to happen.

I love my lifestyle. It is a dangerous one at times but I cannot imagine life as worth living if I were not able to please my men in the manner they enjoy.

[stonebow]

That's way over the top Cumsalot. Can't see myself EVER surrendering to that degree. I love to make a guy cum and I love being the vehicle of a man's pleasure, BUT......I will never give up power over my own life. My safety comes even before my partner's pleasure and any man who thinks otherwise is sadly mistaken. Guess I'm not the sub I could be but then again....I'm as sub as I want to be.

[Rambigent]

Replying to Stonebow's theory...I am a sexual submissive, and a bottom, and only recently have come to embrace that aspect of my personality. I am also a type-B personality in general. I have a decent, middle of the road office job but I am in no way inclined to be a manager and no one would ever accuse me of being aggressive or an alpha type. So, I think there are all kinds of people that can enjoy and embrace being submissive, though the "pressure release" idea does probably hold true for some people.

[stonebow]

Well still haven't done a lot of bondage play but the dialogue with my dom friend is ongoing. Says he'd like to try some CBT next time....not sure what that would do for me but willing to give it a try. We've also discussed having a three-way with either his partner or another top of my acquaintance. I admit I find the prospect of being tied up then "offered" to another top to use a very exciting one....

[stonebow]

Still in the process of exploring my submissive tendencies and after a lot of chatting and fantasizing I'm about ready to kick it up a notch. My dom friend and I have talked about using some serious restraint the next time we meet. I'm a woodworker by trade and I've always wanted to try building some bondage furniture. Well I'm putting the finishing touches on a set of stocks....you know those things the Puritans used to put their profligate members in for punishment...lol. These will hold a sub..me :)....by ankles and wrists so that they are bent over and helpless to prevent themselves being thoroughly fucked! I'll let you know how it goes...

[2bi2Bboring]

@stonebow- Your theory is valid, you aren't blazing new ground there. It's a well documented trend in the BDSM world that many people of powerful jobs or in high pressure/ responsibility positions often take sanctuary in power play roles that relieve them of choices. The concept that people find release in giving up control is played out often. People find solace in the simplicity of servitude or peace in being relieved of responsibility. Role play dynamics are a very interesting area of social behavior. Power is nearly always illusory, we give power to those over us by choice most often. We choose to conform and by doing so sustain the paradigm of our social construct. Stepping outside of that is difficult to do in other ways. BDSM provides a path to do it without shedding the rest of reality. Giving away sexual control allows people to shed responsibility in a way that doesn't disturb everyday living. Sexuality is a world not generally open to public life, so that bit of rebellion is hidden from the rest of the world.

Role dynamics boil down to Alpha personalities versus Beta personality types. Many people can assume an Alpha role in day to day life but sustaining that role may go against their nature. Some people merely adapt to their surroundings and are promoted beyond their comfort level. Being submissive sexually may make them feel grounded or humbled to their true level of comfort. Assuming an Alpha role at work may get you more money but it doesn't mean you're comfortable doing it.

A true Alpha personality often operates outside the rules or structure of the corporate world. They often have trouble conforming to rules of society in general. They are the attention and adrenaline seekers of the world, conformity makes them like everyone else. These kinds of Dominants don't want to conform sexually either. They have large appetites and many proclivities and obvious sexual energy. It's why pretty girls are attracted to athletes or racing car drivers or many other Alpha types.

Switches are the complicated ones, they ride the fence exhibiting traits of the Alpha type and the Beta type. They can be even more sexually confused than bisexuals. Bisexual switches, ugh, don't even make me dissect that animal. Chaos! But yet they exist, more often than you'd imagine, at that.

Submissive personalities want to please others. The most extreme examples of submissive personalities give up control over every aspect of their lives. This makes them feel nurtured and cared for, it's trading security for choice. Trading control for security has always been a battle in the human psyche. Sexual submission allows the sub to give control over what happens to them to someone else. Often they want to hand off the responsibility for it as well. If they did things as a submissive they wouldn't do otherwise then that was where their Dominant took them. They were merely the willing vessel to be filled, so to speak. The irony of the feeling of freedom in giving away that kind of control, the appeal is natural for some. It is the Yin to the Dominants Yang, one party emitting force upon another willing to receive it. There are many specific power dynamics that people fall into; simple Dom/sub, Daddy/girl, Daddy/boy ( these are not incest/taboo type dynamics ), Mommy/girl, Mommy/boy, Master/slave, Owner/pet, the list goes on. Some people enjoy being made an object, others require more of an emotional relationship. There are nearly endless flavors of the power dynamic scene.

FetLife is a site where you are ask to describe yourself in an "About Me" section, you are presented with a plethora of labels that span the kink world. Then asked to describe your relationships with another whole host of terms. Then there is the fetish section, hundreds of terms there, and groups for nearly ever kind of thing you can imagine. It's practically endless, too bad it hasn't been all tied together as a fully searchable database yet. Example, if I was searching for an Asian lesbian dominatrix who liked forced orgasm and bondage play , but also liked cosplay, Dr Who and steampunk, I couldn't currently search for that unfortunately. Tragedy , but soon I have heard. Some people are waiting for that with baited breath. Soul mates await each other, I'm sure.

[2bi2Bboring]

Btw Stonebow, there are plans on Etsy for bondage furniture, should you be so inclined.

[stonebow]

Interesting that you say switches are so complex....the couple times my dom friend and I have been together the scenes ended with me topping HIM....and I liked it!...lol. While it was nice, it's not really what I'm trying to explore so I told him the next time it's all about HIS pleasure. I'm just not an Alpha type. I have assumed leadership roles in the past and probably will in the future but like you said....doesn't mean one is comfortable with it. Truth be told, all my life whenever I've received praise or recognition for something, deep down I felt like an imposter.....that if they only knew the real me they'd change their opinion. You also describe the Alpha personality as someone who has difficulty conforming to societal norms. While I'm not an Alpha, in many ways I AM a non-conformist. I don't really fit the mold of "Joe Average". I do my own thing and don't really care that it's not what EVERYONE is doing. I confess I get a charge out of doing things for people...a strange sense of gratification...of validation if you will, from pleasing or helping others. Not such a bad way to be... is it? I am familiar with Fetlife and agree there are many, MANY permutations. Etsy sounds like it would be worth checking out.

[stonebow]

So I had a date with my dom friend this weekend.....he locked me in the stocks I made and pounded my ass....then he sprung a new twist on me.... put me in a straight jacket with a ball gag in my mouth! It was an interesting experience but I'm kind of having mixed feelings about it. No remorse, no recriminations, just the realization that fantasies don't always live up to the expectations.
Glad I did it....just not sure I'll do it again.

[monaohio]

you can tie me up to a bed spread me wide and I will be your sex toy all day and night long

[sysper]

So I had a date with my dom friend this weekend.....he locked me in the stocks I made and pounded my ass....then he sprung a new twist on me.... put me in a straight jacket with a ball gag in my mouth! It was an interesting experience but I'm kind of having mixed feelings about it. No remorse, no recriminations, just the realization that fantasies don't always live up to the expectations.
Glad I did it....just not sure I'll do it again.no regrets that's the best way......@ least u tried & found u don't actually like it. totally respectable! i actually need that kinda encouragement myself :flag1:

[bendover2]

Would love to ease into it with a man I could trust. I do,some self bondage scenarios alone some times. Two nights ago. I used tight nipple clamps with a connecting chain, tied some weights onto them so my nipples were pulled on more. Hurt so Good! I also tied up my balls tight, then placed a butt plug in my ass. Tied a small vibrator to my cock and blindfolded myself. Within minutes I was oozing precum, so I kept dipping my finger into it and rubbing it onto my lips imagining it was my dom's salty precum. I started to grind into the wall imagining the butt plug was a cock and I was getting fucked doggy style. The sensation on my nipples of being clamped and pulled, the feeling of my ass being filled, the precum on my lips, the vibrations on my cock...I came hard!

[BiBedBud]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbt30UnzRWw





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFGAtQgCbbM

[bicoupleinontario]

personally I would love to be a dom or dom someone male or female

[PeninAZ]

I do have a submissive personality which creeps in almost every aspect of my life. I have yet however to exercise in sex, though I'd really like to. Don't know for sure if it's a sexual desire per ce, nevertheless bondage and submission towards a Master/Mistress sounds like a comfortable place to be (so long as it doesn't interfere with any other aspect of my life). I think this is a rather recent development, in the past few years.

[JaredT77]

I have had some experience in BDSM with both men and women. I enjoy being Dominant and submissive with women but just submissive to men. The one thing I hate in BDSM is when the Dominant is selfish and just want their needs met. I know that's pretty much the whole point but when I am the sub, I enjoy having my needs met, besides just pleasing the Dominant person. I enjoy sexual pleasure and if I'm not having fun then I'm not interested in participating. I enjoy naked humiliation and getting more into exhibitionism. I'm a bottom and enjoy getting fucked so I enjoy receiving rimjobs, fingers, dildos, cocks, etc. Curious about trying fisting. I enjoy biting, especially on my ass and spanking and enjoy nipple play. I'm curious about being tied up more and blindfolded, even curious about watersports.

I enjoy some pain but I am not a pain freak. I don't enjoy CBT at all. I do not want any man or woman to hurt my crown jewels. To me, CBT is off limits. I can't stand seeing videos of 2 women taking turns kicking a man as hard as they can in his balls. That's not sexy!

[stonebow]

I hear you Jared....seeing someone get their nuts crushed is definitely NOT sexy! That's an extreme form of submissive personality and that's just not me. There are a few other things I may yet try. So far I have been bound and gagged while being fucked. Maybe I'll have my dom friend add add a blindfold and see what difference that makes....perhaps a little spanking?

[sysper]

I hear you Jared....seeing someone get their nuts crushed is definitely NOT sexy! That's an extreme form of submissive personality and that's just not me. There are a few other things I may yet try. So far I have been bound and gagged while being fucked. Maybe I'll have my dom friend add add a blindfold and see what difference that makes....perhaps a little spanking?i'm pretty open to all of those too, pretty eager actually. but being kicked in the nuts - um no thank u :yikes2: