Words of support?

[Bellonya]

Hello everybody!
I'm writing to you today because I need your help.
My boyfriend is a 22 year old bisexual who was victim of bullying and represion. After years of struggling he was finally able to come out to his family and after some arguing, they accepted him, so things are much better on that area.
On the other hand, there's still one issue that makes him feel badly about being bisexual, makes him feel "greedy" and "selfish", and that is that he needs to be with a guy and a girl at the same time.
We've been together for almost two years now, and about a year and a half ago, we turned our relationship into a semi-open one, at least from his side, so he could explore with guys what he couldn't over those years of represion. Now here comes the problem, most of our friends are... unable to understand that need, so they say things like "if you truly loved her, then you wouldn't be with other guys" or stuff like "you cannot stop the urges because you haven't tried".
This has gotten to him, and now he's back to hating being bi.
It doesn't help, of course, that I'm not entirely thrilled by the idea of "sharing" him, though I fully understand why he does it, and I wouldn't change that part of him, I get that my feelings come from issues with myself and my self-esteem, that's why I'm trying to show him that it's okay for him to go and seek what I cannot give him with boys.
But it is not enough now.
So I am asking all you, who can understand and relate -which are a few for what I have read over here- to please tell him it's okay to need both, it's not a curse, and he shouldn't feel badly about it.
Thanks you :)

[NMCowboys]

Reading other people's words of encouragement is not going to help. Your boyfriend has to come to grips and be OK with his sexuality and who he is himself.

Loving yourself and having good self esteem about yourself, and your sexuality and yourself comes from within and not from other people, or what other people think about you or your sexuality.

[Long Duck Dong]

its ok..... some people balance out better with a triad style relationship or a semi open relationship than they do with a single partner and they are not dividing their love for their partners, they multiple it

I am similar.... my partner is overseas at the moment so I do not feel a need for a second person, but we are are together, I feel a need for a second partner tho my need is more emotional and mental than sexual.... and if my sister has not died, I would be able to co exist in a situation with them both which would be very beneficial to me as they both have been very solid and stable rocks in my life..... its not a sexual thing, the idea that I could walk to the kitchen, slip a arm around them and hold them both close and say thank you both so much for completing me as a person.....

some people feel a imbalance in a relationship that they may not feel outside of one as a relationship can bring changes and a stronger need for that balance in their lives.... and for some people its a sexual need, some its a emotional and sexual need and others its the whole hog......

the idea that if we love a person, we will not need others, is based on the idea that if we love somebody, we will forsake all others..... but some people need more than one person in order to love in a more fuller and deeper way and feel closer to the person/s they love..... there is nothing wrong with that, until partners use it to try and manipulate / black mail or force a partner into a type of relationship they can not handle or deal with..... and that is a two way street..... forcing a partner into a open / triad style relationship is no better than forcing a partner into a closed monogamous relationship.... some people can not cope with the relationship, others choose not to because it restricts their freedom and its not always a need, its a want

if you and your partner enter into a semi open / triad relationship, it doesn't matter what others think, its your relationship, your happiness, your future and just because they do not understand and can not relate, doesn't mean that your relationship is wrong / messed up or not as perfect as theirs.....

talk with your partner and see what options are available to expand your relationship into a working compromise where you both can find a person that you are both happy with and enjoy the company of as that may help you both with working thru the issues that you are both dealing with....

[Bellonya]

NMCowboys: Yes, his selfesteem has to come from himself, but how can he be okay when the only message he recives is that he is wrong, when he is not?
Everybody tells him to change, when he can't, and he won't.
This thread is not for him to gain self esteem. It's to show him that there's nothing wrong with being bi, is to hear that it's okay to be with both girls and boys, for once.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hon, other people's opinions shouldnt matter..they dont live you guys' live, You do. They may Think they are giving all the right advice, or have al lof the right answers, but no one can tell him whats right for him Except Him. The friends done have to walk in his shoes, so they should just take a sit back and might their own business. You and he are the only one's who matter in this situation, and its up to Him to do whatever is right here. You seem very supportive, and thats a great thing. If he has to have a male in his life, then from now on he should do so on the sly If he Has to. Many Bi men Have to do it this way..its unfortunate, but sometimes its essentual.
Good luck to you both, no matter what way you have to go. :}
Cat

[CurEUs_Male]

Bellonya,
He is normal. There are many that have same sex as well as opposite sex attractions. We are here to share our stories, find acceptance, and live full lives within our social set. If he needs to talk with others, have him join here, or seek out some other bisexual groups. The stories of others and experiences through good as well as bad help us all to move forward. You may also want to share http://livingfabulous.org/ with him. There is a private area on that site (password protected) which is often granted by the author to many looking for support. I can be reached directly if he needs someone to chat with as well.

Those that say "if you truly loved her, then you wouldn't be with other guys" or "you cannot stop the urges because you haven't tried" simply show ignorance of something they do not and cannot understand. It is like explaining the color blue to a blind man. They have no reference which to compare these attractions. I have been working to deal with my discovered sexuality for several years. My wife has had a long time to tolerate, accept, embrace, and potentially engage, however she cannot truly understand as she cannot feel the same attractions I have. She has no desire for same sex touching, play etc.

I would say to him, it does not matter what the nay sayers may say to him (or you). He needs to live as himself. Honestly and openly with those that are close to him. If they are not willing to at least accept, and hopefully embrace him as his true self, then they are not the people he should engage with regularly.

I say to you, thank you for supporting him. Thank you for reaching out for understanding instead of following the crowd.

Al

[Bellonya]

Thank you everybody for your words, I'm sorry I couldn't answer before, but this is truly something for both of us.
I'm sure this way he can accept himself as he is instead of whishing for a botton in order to turn himself straight.
Oh, and he does have an account here, and he has found a lot of support in the past from the members, that's why I told him to seak out for it again, but he is a bit forgetful so I did it hehe.
Again, I cannot thank you enough, it's nice to hear that our friends should just stop commenting on things that don't concern them, even though we have told them, they insist on giving their opinion -which is often for the worse-