Need help, thinking about experimenting

[curious_m_18]

Hi everyone,

I know this comes up and what not, but I have been in contact with some guys from another website and I am curious to get together with them. I have been in email contact briefly with them and have a potential opportunity to hook up with them in the next few weeks.
What I am wondering is:

- Will it be weird to tell a future gf after I have been with another guy?
- Obviously I have to be safe, i.e. condoms etc, but what should I be really conscious of or be aware of?
- I am concerned that every time I masturbate and think about it, once I cum, I lose the interest - could this happen if I am with them?

I know most of the general stuff is answered with, you won't know until you try it, but I am just nervous as to what to expect and particularly what could happen as a result if i tell a future gf, yeah i have been with other guys before...

Any help/advice etc would be very, very much appreciated.

[NEPHX]

- Will it be weird to tell a future gf after I have been with another guy?

I'd say it will depend on how you progress and mature sexually... and on your relationship with her. It will probably be different with everyone you tell.




- Obviously I have to be safe, i.e. condoms etc, but what should I be really conscious of or be aware of?

wondering what "etc" means... cryovacing yourself? I think its always better to get to know someone even if just a little bit online chatting, coffee, etc. But, that is generally me. Knowing someone and wanting to be with them, to me, is all the good stuff. Otherwise, you probably have a much higher chance of not "clicking" in general when you do meet or, worse, not knowing anything about someone is much riskier in my mind. There is no (as in zero) emotional buy-in. And, therefore, what do they care about you? They won't necessarily care if say a condom breaks and they know it and don't say anything to you or they might not respect your boundaries. You and them are just toys with a heart-beat.

I'd suggest trying to meet someone like yourself or someone that you're really interested in and take it from there.




- I am concerned that every time I masturbate and think about it, once I cum, I lose the interest - could this happen if I am with them?

Its a hormonal thing...

But, also, in my mind, when I am with someone I care about and that I desire to be with for who they are, I'm not going to have that "lose of interest" you talk about. It sounds like you are not yet comfortable even with your fantasies about same-sex intimacy never mind the real thing. Its a mind thing. If you "care" about the person you're with, I suspect it will be much less of an issue if its an issue at all (as opposed to running out the door say "what the heck did I just do."

You might try a more "normal approach" to same-sex sexual intimacy. I often call this mapping it to the straight world norms. If you're not the kind of person to pick up opposite sex sexual partner at a bar/online, why would you think you can do so with same-sex? It might be fine for you... but it might not.



I know most of the general stuff is answered with, you won't know until you try it, but I am just nervous as to what to expect and particularly what could happen as a result if i tell a future gf, yeah i have been with other guys before...

You don't seem comfortable with who you think you might be (into both) right now. If not, that might come in time and it might not. So many, many factors that lie in your past, in who you are, in who you think you want to be. They are our Internal inhibitors but we have external inhibitors too (jobs, family, community, religion, etc.). But, if the feelings are real, and life-long, they will be part of you.

For me, it was important that my partner(s) female and/or male, know I am bi and accept it. If I don't keep it out in the open it seems to fade from current memory. And, many find that our closets have two doors, one opens to each world (gay and straight and, for that matter, maybe a 3rd to bi world). We're always coming out somewhere or hiding somewhere.

I've been in LTR with both. And, with either male or females, its a tough road being bi - more so I think because we live in not only a heterosexual majority society but also a monogamously-inclined society.

[Gearbox]

Just quit stressing, wear a condom and enjoy yourself.
I have a 'friend' who turns straight after cumming, it's no big deal. That future gf can mind her own business for now too.:bigrin:

Enjoy!

[slipnslide]

- Will it be weird to tell a future gf after I have been with another guy?
- Obviously I have to be safe, i.e. condoms etc, but what should I be really conscious of or be aware of?
- I am concerned that every time I masturbate and think about it, once I cum, I lose the interest - could this happen if I am with them?


(1) Likely, yes. I've discussed this with female friends and exes. The consensus amongst Canadian women in the 30s that I know was "yeah, that might be too weird for me".

(2) A lot, most in my area, don't use condoms for oral sex. This leaves them at risk of bacterial STIs. As a result, my city has been named the "STI Capital" of our province.

(3) Yes.

[elian]

Hi everyone,

I know this comes up and what not, but I have been in contact with some guys from another website and I am curious to get together with them. I have been in email contact briefly with them and have a potential opportunity to hook up with them in the next few weeks.
What I am wondering is:

- Will it be weird to tell a future gf after I have been with another guy?
- Obviously I have to be safe, i.e. condoms etc, but what should I be really conscious of or be aware of?
- I am concerned that every time I masturbate and think about it, once I cum, I lose the interest - could this happen if I am with them?

I know most of the general stuff is answered with, you won't know until you try it, but I am just nervous as to what to expect and particularly what could happen as a result if i tell a future gf, yeah i have been with other guys before...

Any help/advice etc would be very, very much appreciated.

1) If you find that you really like men and you become regularly involved with them -or- you are being absolutely honest and revealing every detail to your GF then yes, maybe you'll have to tell her and she may not like it.. Some ladies will mind and some will not.

2) Try to chat, see how the person posts if they participate in a discussion forum, you might even want to try talking on the phone if that suits you, try to get a bit of an understanding of the person.

If you decide to meet an online "friend" in person make sure the first time you meet it is in a public place - invite them out for coffee, tea or lunch so you can see that they aren't a complete lunatic and that there is at least some mutual interest between the two of you. If it doesn't work out at least you had a nice meal with a potential friend.

3) There are definitely some men this happens to, you should see all the threads in here about "Do you eat your own Cum?!" There is a lot of sexual excitement up until the point of orgasm and then it wanes quickly. If you aren't comfortable with your sexuality you might also feel this way but that's just where you happen to be at this point in time and nothing wrong with that.

Some men are romantically inclined and some really are only interested in getting off..I can't say that it's BAD - especially if you don't have a lot of experience, there's only a handful of ways to learn. I've had enough one night stands now to know that they aren't for me. I'm very happy to appreciate just holding the person next to me before, during and after orgasm..they are sharing a gift, a part of themselves at their most vulnerable point. I realize not everyone thinks this way and no, it's not bad.

You should be somewhat honest about what you want if you think that will be a problem..hopefully the guys you meet will understand if you are honest and just say "I've never tried this before and I'm curious"

[*pan*]

hi, in my expirence with meeting people on the net and who you tell. i keep everything on a need to know basis. the one thing i never do is lie. even an omission in certain circumstances can be considered a lie. when you met her you were straight and now considering playing with same sex, and do so without consulting or telling her, then you would be cheating and it could end the relationship and rightly so. for she agreed to a straight guy not a bi guy. as you progress through life it may change and your desire for men might drop off. or you may loose the desire for woman. who knows but life is ever changing and i for one believe that a partner has the right to know. trust is the foundation of any relationship. i have been married for over 32 years to the same woman and in a poly relationship with her my wife and another woman for 5 years so believe me when i say that there must be trust and one cannot trust a lier. some people want to eat their cake and have it too. but if it's done with a lie the relationship wont last or else at the very least it will be damaged sometimes beyound repair. i am not telling you what to do, i am telling you what i would do. i would bring it up to her hypotheticaly in a discussion and see how she feels about being with a bi guy then you would know where you would stand with her and you would know the consecquences of your actions if you choose to meet them, i feel it is better to let someone go then to live a lie. of course this is just my :2cents: on the matter. :tong:
as far as the ones you meet , then again dont lie, dont exaggerate, tell it like it is, if you mostly curious then say so, let it be known that your interested but not shure what you want, if you are truthful with people i have found that they usualy understand and will give you some breathing room, unless there total assholes lol.:rolleyes:

[nitrog100]

You'll be fine. Just make sure the other guy gets off before you do or you're going to feel really weird finishing him off. I know that from experience. I've felt the exact same way you do. Craigslist is your best friend in this situation.

[curious_m_18]

Thanks for the honesty everyone :)

I guess I am keen to try it out, but I just get scared of being in the vulnerable situation and potentially not enjoying it as much as I think I will.

I guess it would be good to try to meet up with these guys over a drink and see how it goes. Does anyone have any experience on how to go about this all, drink first with the potential to play or drink first, set up a play date if all goes well?

[elian]

Thanks for the honesty everyone :)

I guess I am keen to try it out, but I just get scared of being in the vulnerable situation and potentially not enjoying it as much as I think I will.

I guess it would be good to try to meet up with these guys over a drink and see how it goes. Does anyone have any experience on how to go about this all, drink first with the potential to play or drink first, set up a play date if all goes well?

For me it would be meet first - around OTHER people and drink no..unless you can hold your alcohol well or you are absolutely nervous beyond belief. If you don't like it you don't have to go back.. but you do need to be sober enough to know if you like it or not..

Anal sex is the most "vulnerable" position and not every person likes that REGARDLESS of whether they are LGBT or straight. As a matter of fact if this is your FIRST time I would probably recommend against anal until you've tried some toys and other things on your own if you haven't already. You really are putting yourself in a vulnerable position to do anal if you are receiving and at least for me it would be better to know the person and build up some trust first before I allowed that to happen.

Speaking of allowing things to happen, if you are happy maybe you won't have to say much at all but if you DON'T want something don't be afraid to speak up. Whether you think you are ready for this or not you are an adult and real adults respect each other when they are being intimate. If you meet this person first and they seem like the kind of person who wouldn't respect you then don't insult the person but just enjoy your meal, be happy for the company, pay your own way and walk away.

If you don't have much experience with anal but you want to try it I would suggest you look at the many threads on the forums here talking about first time anal experience.

[Realist]

I agree with elian.........being sober, for your first time, would ensure you'd be less likely to do something stupid and, at least, you'd feel things, unencumbered. Being numb during sex never had an appeal for me!

My first time was outstanding. I was with someone who had experience and he knew what I wanted before we did anything. For some time, before we actually had sex, he discussed different facets, interests, procedures, and conditions with me. Before we consummated my first time I had some grasp of what to expect.

When we got down to business, we tried several things and expanded on those I enjoyed, while deleting those I didn't care for. He allowed me to continue at my own pace and said, up front, that the first time was totally for me. My very first orgasm was from him sucking me......it was so severe, I thought I would faint from the pleasure!

The experience was better than I imagined and cemented my sexuality in a safe and caring way.

Enjoying sex with the ladies took more time and required more finesse; everything was different for and with them.....but what remarkable beings they are! Many relationships with them have been sublime!